Walk a mile

I'm so irritated and frankly, hurt.

This journey I'm on right now is all consuming. You all know that because it seems to be the only thing I can write about these days. I have baggage that weighs it down even more which I am trying to shuffle through...trying to heal, forgive - whatever needs to be done.

To be perfectly honest, I am resentful some days. I resent that I am shouldering something else in my already full up life, but what gets me the most is the fact that except for three family members (and one happens to be my brother who is also walking this walk with me), NO ONE really gives a shit. I have high school girl friends and internet friends who have taken the time to text me, call me, write to me - reminding me to keep my chin up - to keep on keeping on. WTF? Doesn't that seem a little backwards to you?

I had two nights in a row where I actually drank wine. TWO. And you would have thought the fucking earth stood still. I don't have a problem with alcohol, I promise. I am stressed beyond measure and yes, I am tense and prone to harsh words when this happens. Of course, you might know that if you actually gave a flying fuck and actually called/texted/checked in more than once.

I would like to just say this: Here are my shoes. Walk a mile in them and then get back to me. Until you become a caregiver for your adult parent who doesn't even know how to fucking wipe themselves anymore while trying to be a wife to a husband who has been strung out from snow storm after snow storm and a mother to 6 kids, don't judge. Don't even look at me funny because you know, I am apt to go off.