Are people just rude?

So as I was sitting in the hell I call the orthodontist's office waiting for Thomas to be done with his appointment, some woman's cell phone rang. It was rather a loud obnoxious ring - quite like my own Hawaii Five-O theme song ring. Except, when I go into an office (or somewhere similar), I turn mine to vibrate or off altogether. Sometimes, gasp, I even leave the darn thing in the car.

So this woman answers her phone. And then proceeds to have a conversation with the person on the other end - in a room FULL of people. Quiet people. Who couldn't help, but overhear said phone call. She tells the person on the other end that she is at the orthodontist's office. Still the call doesn't end. She is annoyed with said person on other end. The conversation keeps going. By the end, I concluded that this was either her mother or her ex husband. The tone of the conversation was not a happy one. My thought was, if this is a call you absolutely had to take, why didn't you step outside the office? I saw another woman do the same exact thing just minutes after I got there. Isn't that the polite thing to do?

I think if this were the first time it happened I might be less annoyed, but the last time I sat in the same orthodontist's office waiting for Jeremy, some woman had a loud conversation on her cell phone in the middle of busy office and there was no point to it. NONE. She was just shooting the shit with a friend or neighbor. I cringed the whole time thinking to myself, "do you really think I (and every other single person making up your captive audience) want to know all about your life in such intimacy?" I mean, c'mon?! Is common courtesy rocket science now?

Most -probably all- of the people who will read this know that I have a cell phone and I text on it regularly. It is the way that I keep in touch with my children, husband and other family members. I also talk on it once in awhile when hubby decides he can't text fast enough to tell me what he needs. I try very hard to be courteous especially when within the confines of a small, totally filled waiting room though. Even yesterday as my phone vibrated constantly from the texts Jerm & my SIL were sending me, I turned off the vibrate mode and kept it on silent. In such a small, quiet room - vibrate was even too loud.

I guess I just don't get why some people are so discourteous. I mean this certainly isn't ruining my life and I wasn't seriously injured because of it, but I have to wonder why thinking of others first isn't a common theme when it comes to cell phone use. I also should apologize to anyone I have ever offended by using my own phone. After these two encounters, I've been far more careful and will continue to be...

Recovery time

The cyroablation went well yesterday. The only discomfort I had was really my bladder being full and getting more full as the procedure went on. It wouldn't have been so bad, but the procedure is done via ultrasound so the u/s tech was pushing around near my bladder while the doctor used the probe to burn away my uterine lining.

The actual procedure itself is done in two parts. They started on my left side. 9mins 30sec. Temps that reached -99C. Then we wait for the probe to warm up some before it is moved to the right side because as the doctor pointed out, we wouldn't want a situation like the tongue stuck to the flag pole in Christmas Story. hahaha 9min. 30sec. on the left side. Again, temps that reached -99C. Probe warms up. Probe comes out. Damn speculum comes out (that thing just never is comfortable - ever - even after all these years and all those kids). I am told to slowly get up and then I can go empty my bladder. YAY! Of course in my excitement of getting to empty my bladder, I forget my sweats & undies out in the room so I have to go out commando to get them. lol I get dressed and the u/s tech walks me down the hall. She asks if I am feeling ok. I say that I'm fine and she tells me that I look rather pale. I laughed out loud and told her that so many nurses have thought the same thing after I've had babies. I am always rather anemic and I just have pale skin. I just look like death warmed over, but I'm actually ok.

So I get my follow up appt. with my NP and as I am walking out the door, Chris is walking in. He is surprised that my procedure went so quickly (just under an hour and this office is NEVER quick about anything). He asks how I am and I say tired. I also tell him that I need to eat (per doctors orders). I tell him I want to go to Mrs. Lynda's. She is my friend and owns a coffee house. She makes awesome wraps. I love chicken salad. So he buys me one and an apple fritter because he loves me so. While talking to my buddy Lynda, I start to not feel so good. The drug cocktail must be wearing off along with the local anesthetic. I get home and start to feel sick. I lay down and sleep for awhile. No one bothers me. I wake up and have some crampy pain so I eat half of my wrap. I take another vicodin per doctor's orders. I sleep...and sleep...and sleep. I wake up. I don't feel so good. I go into the bathroom to empty my bladder and I get the feeling I'm going to be sick. Oh no...I pull the garbage can over. spit, spit, spit...swallow, swallow, swallow. Tell myself no getting sick, no getting sick, no getting sick - over and over and over again. I feel better. I go back to bed. I think maybe I should eat, but someone is texting me.

I have a texting conversation with my SIL (her only son, my nephew) leaves for Marine boot camp in two weeks. She is holding up, but I know it is only for her son's sake. My heart goes out to her and I love her so much. She is my sister. She asks me how I am and I tell her. I ask her how she is and she says she's keeping it together. I tell her that I am here for her with a shoulder or an ear or just for some simple retail therapy. She thanks me and says she'll be taking me up on all of it. I tell her I'm tired now...she lets me go back to resting. But then, out of the blue...the urge comes back to toss my cookies and this time I know I won't be able to resist. I run to the bathroom and there they go. Twice. But I feel so much better. And it wasn't my whole lunch anyway. I figure it is probably best not to take the vicodin any longer. My body just does not do well with pain meds. In fact, I take nothing else the rest of the night. I ate some bread & butter and a banana (and my apple fritter...lol) I fall asleep around 10 and wake up around 7 this morning feeling achy...like the flu achy. I took some OTC advil. Two. I feel ok. Not great - not ready to get on my treadmill, but ok.

During my sleeping time yesterday I had phone calls from J (I loved seeing your name on my caller ID even if you didn't mean to call) and my sister. My MIL called later that night, but spoke with Chris. I had so many lovely messages on my FB wall from my awesome friends. Believe me when I say that those messages made my heart sing with joy. I love you all...you are the BESTIES in the WHOLE UNICORN...For sure - for real - forever!

So today, I'm just going to do some laundry and rest some more. I hope by tomorrow that I can get back into the groove of life and go on my merry way....

It's the big day

And I'm nervous as all heck.

Couldn't sleep last night until after midnight. Didn't sleep well and was awake with Chris' alarm around 6. Almost done with my coffee and then I need to eat a light breakfast, shower, take my meds and drink 24 oz. of water so that my bladder is nice and full for the procedure. Gah...maybe I should have had the bladder fixed first, eh?

And you realize that I get generic drugs (free so I shouldn't complain)...so I looked at the pills last night. The Ativan or some type of "pam" is little. No biggie. There are 4 of those. I think I'm supposed to take just one (I have to look over my instructions again). The ibuprofen? HOLY MOLY...size of a third world country and UNcoated...ICK...have to take one. On to the Vicodin (or hydrocodone) and it's more of the same and I have to get two of these babies down! For the love of PETE, why don't they put a coating on these darn things. I mean really - is it going to make the cost go up that much? Give me a good ol' capsule or gel cap any day. Hell, just give me some kind of damn coating so it doesn't start dissolving before it goes down my throat please.

So, with that bit of ranting (or would you say whining?) I'm off. I hope that this procedure goes well and that the AF's of old become just a distant memory. For what I wouldn't give to be done with super plus tampons and over night pads being changed every friggen hour on the hour for two days straight every month. Can't say I'll miss that!

:) Makes me smile

So with my new found "confidence" in myself, I decided to put myself out there on Facebook by friend requesting a bunch of people (only guys...lol...go figure) that graduated high school with me. We are having our 20yr reunion this October and I am on the planning committee. I would be heartbroken if any of them turned me down or blocked me. Seriously. (How stupid is that - it's not like they were my "best friends"!)

So after I did the requesting, I went and cleaned the 'fridge...because I felt stupid and wished I could take back all the requesting. But guess what? TWO already accepted my friend request!!! How cool is that?!

Yeah, so they aren't my best friends and I'm still kinda nervous that they might think I am a freak, but they didn't block me...

Keeping to myself

I've just realized why I am in such a bad, witchy mood...the darn curse is due on Wednesday (2 days after my ablation...)!

While it explains things, it doesn't change my attitute. If you don't hear from me for a few days, I'm trying to keep my overall witchiness to myself. I can hardly stand myself so I wouldn't want to inflict anyone else with it. I promise that I will be back to my usual spunky self in a couple of days.............

I am a bad sister.

I spoke to my sister last night. Generally, I don't take her calls unless I have to. While I love her and I want only good things for her, her life is all about drama. There is always something and frankly, I just don't have the energy for it anymore. I spent many years being a stable adult figure for her young children when she went through her first divorce. I would drop anything I was doing if she called and said "I need you". My life pretty much revolved around hers and I look back and think "How the heck did I do it?" Oh wait, I didn't really have much on my plate. No kids, a good job, a great boyfriend. I was just a kid myself, really.

So it was an ok conversation last night. I mean it was the usual where I don't get a word in edgewise and she does all the talking except for the occasional "Uh huh" from my end, but it wasn't the earth shattering, my life is falling apart stuff. I can handle that. I mean, Chris wasn't home, we had eaten dinner rather late even for us and the kiddos were eating their ice cream so I had a few minutes. All is good - we hang up the phone and life goes on until this morning...

I open my email after I do my web browsing in the morning while drinking my coffee right before I sign off to get laundry done or the kitchen clean or whatever else I think I must do at the moment. Today there is an email from my sister. Ok. I open it because it looks fairly innocuous. (ugh). She has had another "discussion" with her current husband (after our conversation last night). In my eyes, he's a friggen' idiot who I have zero respect for, but remember I've only heard one side of the conversations and my tie is with my sister. She tells me that he "hates" her - that he said this. That during this intense conversation about their life he gets up, takes a shower and goes to bed. She's now left him. Taken his credit cards and some keys. And is she a bad mother for wanting to only take Olivia? - because see they adopted a sibling pair from Cambodia and Simon - the oldest -, well, he has some serious mental issues...like they've been told he has severe attachment issues and is likely a sociopath. Are you kidding me?! What the hell am I supposed to say? Oh and for clarification, her 4 children from her first marriage are all fully grown adults. All over the age of 21, don't live at home.

As callous as this sounds, I don't care. Do whatever the hell you'd like, but leave me out of it. I can't go there. I find it incredibly selfish that life should revolve around these issues that she and her hubby are having. Either get some counseling or cut bait, but why keep going around and around on the same damn issues for years and years and years. WHY? I also have already gone this route with her. While I don't wish anything bad, I just want to be left alone about it. And please, PLEASE don't move back to CT and bring this bunch of horse poop with you! I don't want my kids involved - I don't want myself involved. Get your shit together on your own and figure it out. Ah, what I wouldn't give to be able to say this, but you know what? I would never. It would never cross my lips.

So I am stuck between really wanting to tell her to grow the fuck up (sorry for any virgin ears) and being the strong, stable person in her life. In many ways I feel like I owe her. She became my mother figure when she was 15 and my mother decided that she was done with my father. My sister stepped up and ran an 8 room colonial with an alcoholic father, a 5 year old sister and an older brother who was just about out of the house (our eldest brother had recently got married). That's a tall order for a girl just a year older than my Rebecca. She did it. I love her for it. I guess I wonder when it is ok to let go. When have I paid my dues for that because I feel incredibly guilty every time I think she needs to "get a life".

Now for the record, I don't have the perfect life. I mess up regularly. I am flawed. BUT, I have a good life. I am continually in awe of the blessings I have. Beautiful, healthy kiddos. A kind, loving husband who is also my best friend. A MIL & FIL who love me like their own daughter. A nice house on a nice piece of land. A brand new vehicle. A gym membership. Health insurance. You see...I could go on and on and on at all the GOOD things in my life - although I know it isn't perfect. I guess I wonder why some people only find the flaws and others focus on the good. I mean, seriously, there are lots of not so pleasant things (mainly money related) that happen in my life, but for the most part, it could ALWAYS be worse. Someone else always has it worse than I do somewhere.

I just don't know how to deal with this although I know I cannot get involved with it to the extent that I have been involved before. So what do I say? How do I stay somewhat supportive without being swept away....

Why you shouldn't clean your bedroom.

And I'm sure you're asking "Why?"

Well, you put things in "safe" places when you clean your room. Unfortunately, at my age, it is safe from myself and unsafe from the many children running around the house. (I'm really out of practice at thinking like a 2yo)

I cannot find the &^%$#@( treadmill key. NO WHERE. It is really making me angry because lets face it - At 4:00pm, I'm not going to get to the gym today and with a dinner date, I'm not going to get to the gym tonight. Especially if the dinner hosts ply me with wine. I won't even want to walk across the street to my house - never mind getting in my car and driving 15 minutes to the gym. I mean, I even took my towel off the treadmill and moved Em's toys so I could put it in the proper position. GAH!

While I am feeling particularly lazy and my shin is still hurting a tiny bit, I really should get at least 30 minutes in. One half hour wouldn't kill me and in fact, it will make my heart beat a little bit better, right?

I guess I'll just go away and sulk...

I think I overdid it and other ramblings

I woke up with a pretty sore shin this morning. I had been so excited that my periods of jogging were getting longer (the cardio is so easy to see progress) and faster (was up to 4.5 mph) that I didn't pay much attention to my shins when they were tightening up. If you run harder, they feel better...

I know I get shin splints from walking and I definitely get them from running. Doesn't matter if I am on the road or the treadmill, but I pushed myself anyway. You know why? Because it burns more calories than the "easier on my body", much preferred, elliptical machine. :( While my main concern is/was my blood pressure, I wanted to magically lose 10lbs in my first week. I know, I know....so ridiculously unattainable. I'm trying really hard not to set those unattainable goals because I really think that is what sets me up for failure each time I've tried to do this before. I am trying to focus on overall health and let that weight issue fall where it may, but it sucks. It really sucks. I want my clothes to fit. I want to put away those clothes that I've had to buy in the last 4 years and wear the clothes that I wore before I got pregnant with David.

While my body was not as thin & lithe before I had David as it was after having Jeremy & Rebecca, it was within a healthy weight for my age and I felt good about it. That is a pretty magical feeling...being comfortable in your own skin. I think that was probably one of the only times in my life that I felt confident in myself. It showed on the inside & the outside. I was so happy. Chris and I had discussed being done having kids and I was ok with it. I had AFs that came every 28 days and I knew when I ovulated every month. Everything was organized & spot on in life. And then...then one month my AF was late. I took a test and sure enough, David was on his way. Funny how life changes so quickly.

So anyway, I'm trying hard not to put ridiculously unattainable goals on myself. Slow and steady...slow and steady. That must become my new mantra. It is easy to say, but oh so hard to follow.

Tell me why I don't like Mondays...

Ah, The Boomtown Rats...did they sing any other songs because really that is the only one I know.

I actually am ok with Mondays except for the fact that Chris goes back to work on Mondays. I don't like that. I miss him. I miss the help with the little people. I know I can do it all myself and do it well, but it still is helpful to let some of the fretting be done by someone else.

The weekend was good. In fact, it was better than good. Saturday was exactly what fun I thought it would be. We spent the day at the home of Chris' high school friends. They had a "mini high school reunion" because one of their classmates was in CT visiting from TX. So it was agreed upon that the daytime part of the party was family time. Great, we took Jeremy, his friend Andrew (who is my "other" son as they've been friends since 3yo preschool) and David with us. Becca stayed home babysitting the middle boys and the napping Emma. I would have liked to bring Emma, but knew if she did not nap, I'd be SO screwed that night with sleeping. It was unusual for the older boys to come along, but there were some bikini clad teenage girls that they knew. Teenage boys never say no to bikini clad teenage girls - even if they do have a girlfriend.

So we spent the seemingly hottest day of the year drinking our Corona's and milling about with the high school friends eating TONS of yummy food. It was a great day. Everyone had a good time and it only took the teenage boys about 3 hours to finally speak to the bikini clad teenage girls. After that, they just hung out. David played with the various kiddos, asked perfect strangers to give him rides around the yard in the wagon and then found a small toy front loader and dump truck and played in the dirt until he was brown and it was almost 9pm. And we had to leave - well, because we were almost out of beer and the package store (liquor store for those not familiar with new england-ese) was closing at 9.

So we left, hit the package store and brought David home where we put all the children under age 10 to bed. It was then that I sort of power napped during an episode of Dora. I started to feel the effects of being on my feet all day and was fading fast even though I knew it was time to go back to the party for the adults only time. So I forced myself to get back up off the bed, changed into a comfy tshirt and some different flip flops (thank you sara - having 4 pairs of j.Crew flip flops is SO important). Even though it was adult time, we took the two teenage boys back with us. I figured if Chris and I both drank a bit too much then Jeremy could easily drive us home all backroads without much issue.

Well this is when the real laughing began. The host of the party has been friends with Chris since they were little boys. He is a hoot. Even more so when he's had a few drinks. Usually he says things that embarrass his wife, but this night it was my turn to be his target. I don't embarrass easily so it was all good. He had me peeing in my pants by the end of the night. Let's just say I earned the title "Materialistic Biznitch" even though that is SO not me. Even Jeremy & Andrew thought the night was a good one. Finally around 2-2:30am, the party broke up and seeing I hadn't had a beer for hours and hours (I got one when we got back to the party, but drank maybe 1/3 of it and dumped the rest), I took the keys and drove us home despite Jeremy telling us all that we were intoxicated and that he should really drive.

We probably fell asleep sometime around 3am and I enjoyed the fact that Sundays are Chris' day to get up with Emma and that I would be able to sleep in a bit. Especially lovely when you are at a party until the wee hours of the morning! Well, he got up with Emma alright...and promptly came back to bed with her in tow. The quiet lasted for about 1 millisecond and then she wanted Dora on. And then she wanted to get down. And then....all hell broke loose. She stole one of David's socks (who literally gets up, has breakfast and then dresses himself - never ever deviates from this plan). So she had David's sock and was on my side of the bed and they were screaming at each other with me hiding my poor tired head under my pillows trying to escape - cursing Chris silently for being lazy - and then it happened. My cup of cold water next to my bed was in my bed! I was laying in a pool of cold water in which my arse moved so fast out of the bed that I forgot that I was butt naked. So here I was screaming, butt naked, eyes not quite open looking for some pajamas. THANKYOUVERYMUCH, EMMA! Chris, of course, said all the proper I'm sorries and then left to get milk for breakfast & coffee leaving me with the little devils who had disturbed my precious Sunday sleep in.

Sunday ended up being a good day even though it started a bit rough. We had a date at Home Depot in which I looked at paint colors for our bedroom (we've decided on "beachy" colors as they are so calming/relaxing) and Chris bought a drill he needed for work. Then we hit the grocery store to pick up a few things as his parents had called and we were having them for an early dinner. When we got home, I went upstairs, took off my skort, threw on PJ bottoms and took a long, leisurely nap and woke just in time for his parents to walk through the door. I cut some cheese up for cheese & crackers, made the salad w/my MIL and then walked down to the garden where my first zucchini was ready for picking and picked some of the sugar snap peas to add to the salad. We had an easy meal of hot dogs, hamburgers, salad & fruit and then ate some yummy UConn ice cream, watched Emma & David get filthy and the dogs run around. Chris' parents left and we had everyone bathe and go to bed. Unfortunately, days like that make Mondays that much harder because I don't want them to end.

So on to the week...on to the gym (gah) and doctor appointments...and well, regular, everyday life.

At the top

So let's see....I guess I'll just write about life. Not terribly exciting, I'm afraid, but all I've got.

Jeremy, our eldest, is scheduled to see the pediatrician on Wednesday. I'm a bit worried. First off, he actually asked to see the doctor. That throws alarm bells up in itself, but after speaking with the doctor yesterday, I'm really concerned. Seems as though Jeremy cannot tolerate strenuous exercise. My most athletic, sports loving child gets dizzy and almost passes out if he does any type of aerobic exercise for any length of time. I took him to the gym with me the other day and he rode a stationary bike for about 20-25 minutes and then had to go to the men's locker room where he laid down in a private changing stall because he felt like getting sick & passing out. When I mentioned this to his pedi yesterday at Em's 2yo visit, the doctor immediately told me that Jeremy is not allowed to play any sports of any kind until we get to the bottom of this. Furthermore, he will be seeing a cardiologist. Then the doctor showed me a checklist of things that could indicate a heart issue. That, my friends, was very scary since I could have checked more than one thing off in regard to Jeremy.

Now my favorite kids' doctor would never try to scare me on purpose. We've had this pedi for over 16 years and there is a relationship of mutual trust between us which is key. The doctor is most concerned that my beautiful, almost adult son should not drop dead at 20yo from some undetected heart defect and I can totally appreciate that. In fact, I can't express how much I appreciate that.

While this particular 16yo can be SUCH a BUTTHEAD and drive me literally insane sometimes, he is most like me. He is introverted, but smart, witty, fun - you just need to get past his shy exterior (and trust me when I say, it isn't easy). He is going through that period of time where you start to try and find out who you really are. What means the most to you. It's like watching a butterfly leave the crysallis really. While I would love to take credit for who this boy is, my firm belief is that he is responsible for that. God sent him to me to raise and while I haven't always done a good job at it (in fact, I've sucked SO many times), I have always loved him. Always. And I am extremely proud of him. Extremely. Even when his report card showed he passed Geometry & Biology with D+'s this year, I was still proud. I know his soul...I know who he is. That is the part that makes me proudest because I'd like to believe our love for him has made him empathetic, caring....(Did I mention that this is the boy who makes his Mom breakfast in bed EVERY mother's day? And I mean a FULL breakfast - eggs, toast, fruit, juice, coffee - since he was about 8 or 9...) I know he loves me - even when he is full of teen attitude, spit and vinegar.

So yeah...next week can't come soon enough. I hate the not knowing more than anything else.

A new start?

I have friends. REAL friends. At first they were just IF's (Imaginary Friends/Internet Freaks), but now they are my LFF's. And really, while I call them IF's, they were so close to my heart before this meeting. The nightly chats were SO much fun. So, we all converged in Boston. Well, not really BOSTON - just on the outskirts really - in a town that my great uncle lived in. How weird is that?! He was a Christian Science preacher - betcha didn't know that did ya? And he gave the blessing at my wedding - I have it on video in case anyone wants to see.

So back to these friends - my LFF's. They did something for me and I'm not sure if they even realize it. For the first time ever, I feel likeable. I feel like I am worth something. I truly believe that I have something to offer that another woman actually would want in a friend and I don't have to change who I am! I have FOREVER sucked at making girlfriends. I have always gravitated towards men because they were easier for me to befriend. Guys don't come with a lot of drama, but they also don't always understand the way the female mind works. Big drawback. They also don't get AF, but that is more of a physical difference, anyway....

Anyway, so when I got home from this epiphanic (is that a word?) weekend, I decided to start changing some things in my life that I've grappled with for the last couple of years. One is my weight. In my late 20's and early 30's, it really didn't matter too much. It didn't affect me any more than I had to buy bigger clothes. As age creeps up on me (a little too fast I may add), it is starting to affect my overall well being. High blood pressure - high cholesterol - diabetes. All very real possibilities for me. I've got a 2yo. I still have a lot of work to do! So I joined the gym. $10/month, no contract, with a $20 start up fee and a $39 yearly fee. Ummm, yeah. No brainer. I've gone every day in the last week except 1. At a doctor appointment on Monday, my blood pressure was great compared to the last couple of times. That folks paid for my membership itself. Today I haven't gone yet, but I figure I could actually use my treadmill in my bedroom later or take one of the dogs for a walk around here instead. It's been incredibly busy with Safety Camp for David and Em's 2yo Well Baby check up.

I have other plans too. Like starting some courses at the local community college. Before I start though, my hubby would like me to speak with a local soil scientist to make sure this is really something I want to do. I think it is, but he's probably right. He usually is (and DON'T tell him that or I'll never be able to live with his big, fat head). Eventually, I'd like to actually add income to our family instead of just using it all up. By the way, if you'd like to read my money saving ideas, check out my latest post on BZ's HT: http://www.babyzone.com/community/Posts.asp?tpc=11869065&brd=407#11871582 (my s/n is trkeylips if you're not familiar).

So thank you to my awesome LFF's. You all showed me something that I didn't know I had in me. Thank you also for just liking me - quirkiness and all. I love you guys - muches & muches - always & forever. Oh and like one of these awesome friends said - unconDIRTionaly! :)