Sitting at dance camp with the little girl

Why is it that parents think it is totally ok to let their other children run rampant in and out of dance rooms playing with things (mats, trampolines)? I swear that for the last 3 weeks, these other children have raised havoc and the mothers sit there chatting like nothing is going on and it has gotten to the point that the owner of the studio (whom is teaching & I am paying for little girl's dance camp) has asked the boys to chill out/stop running/etc. This week, she asked me to keep an eye on them as her foster daughter is among the crowd (but is not disruptive). This burns my biscuits. Why the heck should I have to watch your boys? Why shouldn't you be getting off your butts and watching them yourselves? Ugh. Empty threats don't work. Parenting does. For God's sake...TRY IT! I understand that kids are kids. I understand that sitting at dance camp for an hour and 15 minutes really isn't their thing, but then bring stuff to keep them occupied. Keep them occupied in your eyesight and stop allowing them to act like a bunch of hooligans. For the love of all that is good and right, GET OFF YOUR BUTTS!

Odd man out

Yep. That's me. I'm so tired of trying to fit in that I've decided to embrace not fitting in. As my sister says, "This is me. This is who I am." You can take me or leave me, but I am not going to feel badly.

I've decided that I'm going to focus on those people who like me and want to be with me. If you have problems with me and you can't be adult enough to speak to me then you are left with what you should be. Bitterness, anger, resentment - whatever. I've been on that side too. That's not a healthy place. Saying what is on your mind does not need to be rude although it is usually confrontational and uncomfortable. Most people do not like that, but the aftermath...the cleanse...is what makes it worth it.

I cannot make everyone happy. I cannot read minds. I will NOT feel guilty for either of these things because it is not my job. And believe me, as a mom, I feel enough guilt for things that are far more important.

I am not perfect. Far from it. But I have a heart and feelings and when someone makes it abundantly clear that I'm not important in their world, that hurts. I am forever trying to do the right thing and be the best person I can be, but sometimes I might have an off day...or hell an off three months. Here are my shoes, remember?

So yeah, I'm thankful for my friends, my family - those who know I am not perfect yet love me anyway and still see something in me that makes it worth having a relationship with me. Those are the people I am focusing on from now on because I have to believe that there is *something* good and worthwhile inside of me.

Getting healthy and losing weight - sometimes this journey sucks

I am trying to lose weight. 35lbs to be exact. The first month I shed 7 lbs. It wasn't too difficult. Now in my second month, I have lost nothing. In fact, if the scale was correct this morning, I am up two pounds. Now granted, I'm pretty sure it is water weight and the fact that I was camping without proper toilet facilities with a bunch of other people. Unfortunately, I am someone who is very regular while at home, but not so much when I am sleeping somewhere else especially with people who are not part of my family.

I am frustrated. I want this weight to be gone. I want to wake up and be thin again. I HATE LOATHE and DESPISE exercise. Some days I tell myself that I only have to walk on the treadmill just to get my arse on the stupid thing. Most days I end up running anyway. I push myself harder and harder because I am competitive. I want to break my old "record". I also know that my calories burned is higher while running...and the more distance I can get in the shortest amount of time is what I aim for. Distance * (body weight * .63) = net calories burned is what I go by for running. Walking is just a measly half of that. I want it NOW.

On the plus side, I have gone down a pants size. Things that didn't fit are fitting again. There are still quite a few things that are waiting on me to get even smaller though. I am holding out. I am going to keep on keeping on. Even now when I am tired and frustrated. I guess I just need to amp up my exercise and really eat clean. EVERY day. EVERY day is a new day to start again.