Feeling overwhelmed

Geez. Don't know if the weather is the culprit or what, but I cannot get out of my funk. I am dealing with family stuff that is not only pissing me off, but troubling my heart, the house is a disaster and all I want to do is climb into bed, lock the door and read. I don't want to be Mommy or Wife or anything else I'm supposed to be.

I think reading is like a drug for me. It takes me somewhere that isn't here. Not reality. I'm sure if I spent half the time I do reading on cleaning the house, I might not feel so overwhelmed in that area, but who wants to? Why mop the floors when it pours for days and the dogs and kids and hubby are just going to track mud throughout? Why cook dinner when you'll just have to clean up the mess after? Why get dressed when you will just have extra laundry? Yeah. I need to get a grip and climb the hell out of this hole. That's for sure.

I also need to run. 5k in less than 16 days. Ugh. I ran with the dogs day before yesterday and completed a mile in under 10 mins. That is something, huh? Who would have ever thunk I would be able to do that and not fall down dead? Now if I could just run 3.10 miles like that I'd be golden. I, of course, after running that fast, had to walk for a bit to catch my breath. The dogs were so energetic that morning. Well, until we were about 1/3rd of the way home and then Guinness was getting lazy. In fact, I really need to hop into some running clothes and go out right now while the sky is not dripping with rain. Yesterday I didn't think the rain would ever stop. I know we need the rain, but it would be nice if a month's worth did not fall in 4 days, you know?

I am headed to a GNO tomorrow. I was hoping it would be at a friend's house because then it would be about 2 miles from home, but for some good reasons, it is being held at a restaurant/bar in the town we grew up in. I was hoping to catch a ride and the hub could pick me up later, but it isn't looking promising. Oh well, guess I'll have to nurse a drink and have lots of water. I'm a grown up now, but one who is used to having the hubby drive during these things.

Speaking of relying on the hubby. He got a call from the oncologist yesterday. He had a cancer removed from his back a couple of weeks ago. No biggie. Well, when they did the lab work on the cancer, they found that there is more near where they took out the big chunk. Microscopic? He has to go back and have his back cut open again. I'm a little bit freaked and a lot bit scared even though he reassures me that it isn't a "big deal". But it is a big deal to me. He is my whole world. I put my head down and get through the days because I long for the time it can just be him and I. That's not to say that I don't enjoy my kids and love them very much, but before there were kids, it was just me and my best friend. Him. Always him. Ever since I was 16. Maybe this makes me some weak, stupid woman because he is it for me. Maybe I have been stupid to make my life revolve around his? Ugh. Needless to say, underneath all the other stuff I'm stressing over, there is a part of me that is terrified about losing him because I'm not sure I would be worth anything without him. So stupid.

Well, if I am going to have any chance of keeping myself together today, I better stop here. Pull myself together. Go for a run. And get through today. One day at a time. Right?