Saying goodbye:
to 3yo preschool
to EO Smith high school (at least for another 2-3 years)
to the childhood of my eldest (how did this happen so quickly?)
to Kindergarten
to 4th grade
to 5th grade
to 10th grade
to the many dreams I've had about attending college for agronomy(personally, this is a tough one and the mourning has just started)
to a year of 2nd Company at Dance Express
New beginnings:
Manchester Community College & Federal Student Aid forms
4yo preschool
1st grade
5th grade
6th grade
11th grade
picking up the "go green" thread in hubby's business and running with it - having something of my own so I feel like I'm contributing something...anything.
My heart is aching with all the goodbyes and is so heavy in so many uncountable ways, but I see a light - a hope for the future - in all the new beginnings. I am praying (literally) for my path as a mom, a wife and as a person to be clear. For God to open doors and/or (large) windows so I might know that I'm on the right path.
I'm not much of a friend these days and for that, I apologize. I'm so caught up in trying to manage the constant lump in my throat and the tears that never seem to be too far away that I have left things unsaid (like birthday wishes, hugs, kind words). I am having a hard time taking care of even the littlest of things. I feel like I am in "safe mode". Nothing gained and nothing lost. Just trying to get through the days.
Perhaps after this coming weekend (J's graduation from high school and B's tryouts for 1st Company) I'll be in a better place. I sure hope so. I don't think I can handle this much longer.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
It's *THAT* time of year again!
Hell week.
Ok, well, perhaps I'm going a bit overboard with the exaggeration.
So we are drawing to a close for the dance year. Our recital is this weekend and it is being held at the Bushnell Belding Theater in Hartford. Our usual theater, the Jorgensen , on the UCONN campus in Storrs, is under a major renovation. Boooooo! Hisssssss! While I concede that it is a pretty cool honor to say that you've danced on stage at the Bushnell, I can tell you from a parent's end, it has been pretty awful.
First off, we could not barter our tickets this year. We had to schlep to the box office in Hartford to buy them (we don't have a CC). So that involved having cash. Cash to the tune of hundreds of dollars. Spring is a struggle financially every year for us, but it is even worse when you're in a financial hole and trying to get out. Ticket prices from D.E. were $15. The rest of the ticket price was all added stuff from the Bushnell. $25 each. Thanks. My butt feels GREAT!
Secondly, the Sunday show was already sold out by the time we had the cash to purchase the tickets. It was looking bleak getting tickets from the dance studio so I took matters into my own hands yesterday and contacted my friend, R., who has shown me the "Company Ropes" this year. By last evening, I had two tickets to Sunday's show. I guess it is strange that Chris and I wanted at least one of us to be at every show, but Sunday was the only day we could watch Becca dance en Pointe. I have never seen that particular dance and was bummed that I might only be able to watch it on DVD a month from now.
And last, but def. not least, tomorrow is full dress rehearsal. ALL DAY. We need to arrive at the theater before Noon and will not be done until after 5pm. My plan was to take the two girls and T. out of school for the day not remembering that T. has a field trip. Thankfully, he is actually visiting the State House and other landmarks in our capital city so after many back and forth phone calls with his teacher, I am picking him up sometime during the afternoon and he will likely be walking distance from the Bushnell - at least that is what I'm hoping for.
Today I have sewing (major sewing & not so major sewing) and a slew of errands to run. Hubby also gave me the go to purchase a flip video camera so I can video all the dances this year. Not sure I'll even be able to do that, but I def. will try.
And for those of you who know me, you also know that my tummy is in knots because I hate change. I was comfy at the Jorgensen. We've been going there for 9 years now. I don't even know where I am going at the Bushnell (although I do know how to get there now - thank God for small mercies). I am especially worried that I won't be able to keep up with all the hair changes or that I'll do something totally stupid and the big girl will be mortified that I'm her mother. It sounds so silly when I say that out loud, but definitely a real fear. I know I don't "fit in" with anyone else. I'm not girly nor do I know much about make up or hair. Being at these things brings me right back to being a little girl and never saying the right thing or having the right family life. Logically, I know that's crap. I hope logic wins out this weekend and that my emotions take the back seat for once.
And just because this week & weekend might not push me over the edge fast enough, looming in the background of my head is also the fact that we will have exactly one week off (from dance) and then tryout camp will start for those who want to tryout for competing or company. The big girl has to make 1st Co. this year because of her age. I hope & pray she does. Ms. B. did tell hubby that she's pretty sure she will, but it will really depend on the hired judges. On that Friday, Jeremy will graduate high school. I haven't even let my head go there. I can't. I.just.cant. /sob/ The next day will be company tryouts and a graduation celebration out to dinner for Jeremy. And that brings us to Sunday which is Father's Day. Did I miss anything? Can someone send me the WAAAAAAAHHHHmbulance now?
I'll just keep chanting "Serenity now!". That will help, right?!
Ok, well, perhaps I'm going a bit overboard with the exaggeration.
So we are drawing to a close for the dance year. Our recital is this weekend and it is being held at the Bushnell Belding Theater in Hartford. Our usual theater, the Jorgensen , on the UCONN campus in Storrs, is under a major renovation. Boooooo! Hisssssss! While I concede that it is a pretty cool honor to say that you've danced on stage at the Bushnell, I can tell you from a parent's end, it has been pretty awful.
First off, we could not barter our tickets this year. We had to schlep to the box office in Hartford to buy them (we don't have a CC). So that involved having cash. Cash to the tune of hundreds of dollars. Spring is a struggle financially every year for us, but it is even worse when you're in a financial hole and trying to get out. Ticket prices from D.E. were $15. The rest of the ticket price was all added stuff from the Bushnell. $25 each. Thanks. My butt feels GREAT!
Secondly, the Sunday show was already sold out by the time we had the cash to purchase the tickets. It was looking bleak getting tickets from the dance studio so I took matters into my own hands yesterday and contacted my friend, R., who has shown me the "Company Ropes" this year. By last evening, I had two tickets to Sunday's show. I guess it is strange that Chris and I wanted at least one of us to be at every show, but Sunday was the only day we could watch Becca dance en Pointe. I have never seen that particular dance and was bummed that I might only be able to watch it on DVD a month from now.
And last, but def. not least, tomorrow is full dress rehearsal. ALL DAY. We need to arrive at the theater before Noon and will not be done until after 5pm. My plan was to take the two girls and T. out of school for the day not remembering that T. has a field trip. Thankfully, he is actually visiting the State House and other landmarks in our capital city so after many back and forth phone calls with his teacher, I am picking him up sometime during the afternoon and he will likely be walking distance from the Bushnell - at least that is what I'm hoping for.
Today I have sewing (major sewing & not so major sewing) and a slew of errands to run. Hubby also gave me the go to purchase a flip video camera so I can video all the dances this year. Not sure I'll even be able to do that, but I def. will try.
And for those of you who know me, you also know that my tummy is in knots because I hate change. I was comfy at the Jorgensen. We've been going there for 9 years now. I don't even know where I am going at the Bushnell (although I do know how to get there now - thank God for small mercies). I am especially worried that I won't be able to keep up with all the hair changes or that I'll do something totally stupid and the big girl will be mortified that I'm her mother. It sounds so silly when I say that out loud, but definitely a real fear. I know I don't "fit in" with anyone else. I'm not girly nor do I know much about make up or hair. Being at these things brings me right back to being a little girl and never saying the right thing or having the right family life. Logically, I know that's crap. I hope logic wins out this weekend and that my emotions take the back seat for once.
And just because this week & weekend might not push me over the edge fast enough, looming in the background of my head is also the fact that we will have exactly one week off (from dance) and then tryout camp will start for those who want to tryout for competing or company. The big girl has to make 1st Co. this year because of her age. I hope & pray she does. Ms. B. did tell hubby that she's pretty sure she will, but it will really depend on the hired judges. On that Friday, Jeremy will graduate high school. I haven't even let my head go there. I can't. I.just.cant. /sob/ The next day will be company tryouts and a graduation celebration out to dinner for Jeremy. And that brings us to Sunday which is Father's Day. Did I miss anything? Can someone send me the WAAAAAAAHHHHmbulance now?
I'll just keep chanting "Serenity now!". That will help, right?!
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