I feel the need to write about perimenopause. I'm here. This is my life right now. Honestly, I've had a few hot flashes and my periods are not every 28 days and not remotely like they have been the last 15 years or so. My sex drive surges & wanes, but all that really isn't bothersome. It isn't intrusive on my daily life. It might be irritating for a day or a minute, but what really gets me is the damn emotions. They are all over the place. I cry at the drop of the hat. Hell, I'm crying about crying. Or all of a sudden I'm super bitch and I can't control myself (I really don't like her). I can't stand the freaking roller coaster I seem to be on every.single.day.
I try to tell myself that it is a normal part of life and women have been doing this longer than I've been on this earth times a thousand. My body is doing what it is supposed to be doing and it might go on for as long as 10 years. (No, thank you. I'll take a zero.) I know all the right answers, but living it is something totally different.
A week or so ago I cried looking at baby pictures of my now 17 year old son who is kind, loving and a generally good person, but I couldn't help think of how I could have been a better parent to him. How I let him down on so many levels so many times. It literally pains my heart just thinking about it and the tears start flowing. What the? Really? If a friend told me this, I would tell her "Nonsense...he's a great kid. You did a good job!" But not for myself.
This morning I cried looking at a wedding photo of my hubby and I. Baby-faced and beautiful, the both of us. I cry thinking how fast life has flown by and cry thinking about how lucky I am that he still rocks my world, but is it the same for him? Do I still rock his world? What the hell is wrong with me? He tells me he loves me everyday. Our sex life is fine. Why? Why does this happen?
I can't seem to shut off these very visceral thoughts and that is hard for me. I grew up with the Great Wall of China around my heart and feelings. It was something that I had to do to preserve myself. No one, but a few, were allowed into where I kept my fragile self. Then as I grew older (and bolder), I started to allow people in. I realized most people are good hearted and kind which is a lovely thing, but I seem to have lost all control now.
Listen, I don't know why I am writing this except for maybe to just get it off my chest. Especially now that I have no filter. If you see me crying, it's probably just my whack job hormones taking a stroll. No worries and feel free to move along, but if you get this post even a little bit, please let me know that I'm not alone in the utter craziness of perimenopause.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Deep in thought along the road
I've started walking each day...anywhere between 4 and 5 miles. I try to get at least one hour away from the house for the most part. Sometimes it's longer and sometimes it is a bit shorter.
So this week, I've taken the blue trail a couple of times. One day I did the short part. I know this one like the back of my hand. I've taken it numerous times with the kids in tow because let's face it, walking in the woods is just good fun. One day I decided to take the other side of the trail head that I'd never been on, but knew which road it would dump me on. After walking for about 30 minutes, I realized I probably was in a bit over my head and was glad that I had grabbed a large stick to walk with. We have had a lot of rain (something like 20" over normal) and so some of the areas I was walking through were a bit wet and mucky. Probably better suited for bikes or hiking boots than sneakers, but I kept going as the trail was well marked. Finally I got to a place where it was very, very wet and I could not tell where the trail went. I kinda had an idea of where I was and decided that I needed to get off the trail and onto a road. After climbing a rather large hill and finding that I was farther than expected (although I knew exactly where I was), I trespassed on private property. This usually would not be such a big deal, but it is hunting season in these parts and I passed not only a large hunting blind, but also a tree stand. I was happy to have on my bright yellow sweatshirt and bright white bandana on my head. Needless to say, I've stayed on the road or taken the shorter part of the trail that I know instead.
Anyway, because I have been walking alone, I've thought deeply about things. It is amazing what clarity you can get when you are alone on a dirt road or in the woods with no sounds, but birds and fat squirrels scuffling around trying to make haste in winter preparations. I have stopped using an iPod because I really feel like I need to be hyper-aware of my surroundings especially while alone. It is quite humbling to look at trees thicker around than your body and know that they have been on earth longer than you and will likely survive longer than you as well. I have felt rather small and inconsequential, really. Of course, I've also seen trees, especially around the ponds, grow together. My hubby tells me that these types of trees are less strong and dangerous to power lines, but there is something comforting in seeing 5 trees mesh their trunks into one, but go their own way. Perhaps, this is a reminder for me that family is where my roots are even when I want to do my own thing? Maybe a reminder that I can still stay grounded, but continue to grow. I am quite certain, even with all my rantings and ravings about how sucky life can be sometimes, that I am not destined to be the strong tree standing alone, but more of the smaller tree meshed with others.
In any case, my walks have really been a balm for my soul this week. I'm so thankful to live where I do and have the opportunity to enjoy my surroundings each and every day. Blessed is what I truly am....even when I go and forget that.
Friday, October 14, 2011
I'm sick.
Yes, truly. Head cold. Allow me to whine? Wait, I don't have to ask permission because this is my blog! HAH!
This is where the whining starts.....
So head colds are generally no big deal. You sneeze some, cough a bit, you blow your nose a lot and maybe your throat tickles a little. I have never complained about a cold (well...maybe I have, but I don't recall, so that means never).
Add in my super duper sciatic nerve being pinched in my left buttock because of the curse (with no relief from ANY of the stretches that usually help) and then a bunch of lower back and butt muscles that are NOT healed yet (WTF? When are they just going to heal? I'm done already!) and you get a body that will not tolerate sneezing or coughing without the back going into major seizures of pain unless I am lying on my side, knees pulled up to my chest with a large pillow or blanket to hug and even then it's a crap shoot on whether my back seizes up.
You know what? I'm just tired of being broken. Tired of pain. Tired of having one or two good days followed by 3 or 4 awful, no good, rotten days. I'm tired of everything taking me a zillion years to accomplish because I move like a ninety year old woman. I'm tired of the hubby and kids joking that I'm really "milking" this back business. I'm just tired. Hmmm, seems to be a theme in my life, doesn't it? Sigh. If it isn't one thing it's another. Now someone pass me a tissue.
This is where the whining starts.....
So head colds are generally no big deal. You sneeze some, cough a bit, you blow your nose a lot and maybe your throat tickles a little. I have never complained about a cold (well...maybe I have, but I don't recall, so that means never).
Add in my super duper sciatic nerve being pinched in my left buttock because of the curse (with no relief from ANY of the stretches that usually help) and then a bunch of lower back and butt muscles that are NOT healed yet (WTF? When are they just going to heal? I'm done already!) and you get a body that will not tolerate sneezing or coughing without the back going into major seizures of pain unless I am lying on my side, knees pulled up to my chest with a large pillow or blanket to hug and even then it's a crap shoot on whether my back seizes up.
You know what? I'm just tired of being broken. Tired of pain. Tired of having one or two good days followed by 3 or 4 awful, no good, rotten days. I'm tired of everything taking me a zillion years to accomplish because I move like a ninety year old woman. I'm tired of the hubby and kids joking that I'm really "milking" this back business. I'm just tired. Hmmm, seems to be a theme in my life, doesn't it? Sigh. If it isn't one thing it's another. Now someone pass me a tissue.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Thursday morning
It's been a long week and it's not over. My mother came to me this week a day early and may leave a day late because of weather. Needless to say, I'm tired.
Sunday was a good day. Mom was at my brother's and I attended my wine club. 5-6 hours and 4-5 bottles of red wine later, hubby drove our sorry butts home. It felt good to connect with these women. They have been such a blessing in my life and have been some of my best cheerleaders the last couple of weeks. How thankful I am that they are in my life.
Monday was a weird day. No school because it was Martin Luther King, Jr. day and I was feeling a bit dizzy most of the day. Had some icy weather coming so my brother and I decided to do the exchange that day. I felt like I didn't have time to really prepare, but such is life.
For those who are wondering, the care for my mom is constant. I help with toileting (and toileting fails), showering, dressing, med dispersion. Last night I had a crash course in trimming toenails that are thick and yellow with age and haven't been cared for in I don't know how long. They looked terribly painful, but with a pan of warm, soapy water and some clippers and a pumice we got through it ok. My mother is also an emotionally needy person. She needs hugs & reassurances all the time. While I am very affectionate with my own children and husband, I do not feel particularly affectionate towards my mom most of the time. That is not to say that I am mean, but I probably seem distant to her. I keep busy with my daily chores of laundry, housekeeping and cooking - all the while mourning my temporary loss of freedom and ability to volunteer at school, shop alone, etc. I fall into bed each evening and pretty much pass out from exhaustion and maybe even a bit of depression.
Emotionally, physically, spiritually - this has been a drain. I couldn't imagine doing it without my children. They have ALL been wonderful. The other night I was just in a sour mood and needed some alone time. The eldest and his girl took care of Mom while I decompressed. And when I say decompress, I mean I sat and literally vegged in front of computer card game for like an hour. The little ones play with her and engage her in conversation. Number 4 even adds her into his rounds of jokes by calling her by her first name (I know - it sounds very disrespectful, but it really isn't - it makes her laugh). I have to say even number 3 who has been in trouble so much lately for not being responsible has stepped up to the plate getting himself up in the mornings, behaving really wonderfully. I'm so impressed with ALL of them. Although, I wonder sometimes if it is the emotional baggage I have that makes it so much harder for me? Something to ponder when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep.
I also experienced anxiety attacks for the first time this weekend and my lovely mouth broke out in another round of cold sores. I guess caring for my mother along with the other daily stresses that I experience has sent me over the edge. I'm still debating whether to seek medical advice. I don't think at this point that I would be able to take any meds. I also don't want to even KNOW what my blood pressure is hovering at. I haven't exercised since before Christmas except for shoveling (which is just an excuse to get my sorry ass out of the house and doing something - thank you very much).
I don't want to sound like I am whining. I probably do and for that I apologize. I have no one to really vent to except my sister and brother and really? My sister took care of my father (he had dementia too) and my brother takes my mother on the weekends. They both know the stresses and didn't/don't complain - at least to me. I just miss my few hours of quiet when number 6 is at school with the rest of them and my ability to come and go as I please. I miss going into school once a week to volunteer in a preschool or first grade classroom. I miss feeling like a wife, because trust me, there isn't any part of me who feels sexy or even remotely attractive these days.
Thankfully, I still get to go to church each week without worry. I still make the snack each week for Thursday's Bible based clubs for the youth at church. I still am able to talk to my bestie and text with whomever is around. I still cook, do laundry (and yes, still one of my quiet places...probably why I have not been behind since Mom moved in) and bake breads, cookies, cakes, etc. I guess what I am saying that I've given up a lot, but I am thankful for the things I still am able to do.
I don't think caring for my mom will get any easier and I know when we square away the legal stuff it will be even harder to leave my mother in a place that isn't one of our homes. I will feel amazing guilt over it, but I will feel relief too, which will in turn make the guilt even heavier. I am hoping perhaps that the guilty feeling will be better than the feelings I am experiencing now.
Sunday was a good day. Mom was at my brother's and I attended my wine club. 5-6 hours and 4-5 bottles of red wine later, hubby drove our sorry butts home. It felt good to connect with these women. They have been such a blessing in my life and have been some of my best cheerleaders the last couple of weeks. How thankful I am that they are in my life.
Monday was a weird day. No school because it was Martin Luther King, Jr. day and I was feeling a bit dizzy most of the day. Had some icy weather coming so my brother and I decided to do the exchange that day. I felt like I didn't have time to really prepare, but such is life.
For those who are wondering, the care for my mom is constant. I help with toileting (and toileting fails), showering, dressing, med dispersion. Last night I had a crash course in trimming toenails that are thick and yellow with age and haven't been cared for in I don't know how long. They looked terribly painful, but with a pan of warm, soapy water and some clippers and a pumice we got through it ok. My mother is also an emotionally needy person. She needs hugs & reassurances all the time. While I am very affectionate with my own children and husband, I do not feel particularly affectionate towards my mom most of the time. That is not to say that I am mean, but I probably seem distant to her. I keep busy with my daily chores of laundry, housekeeping and cooking - all the while mourning my temporary loss of freedom and ability to volunteer at school, shop alone, etc. I fall into bed each evening and pretty much pass out from exhaustion and maybe even a bit of depression.
Emotionally, physically, spiritually - this has been a drain. I couldn't imagine doing it without my children. They have ALL been wonderful. The other night I was just in a sour mood and needed some alone time. The eldest and his girl took care of Mom while I decompressed. And when I say decompress, I mean I sat and literally vegged in front of computer card game for like an hour. The little ones play with her and engage her in conversation. Number 4 even adds her into his rounds of jokes by calling her by her first name (I know - it sounds very disrespectful, but it really isn't - it makes her laugh). I have to say even number 3 who has been in trouble so much lately for not being responsible has stepped up to the plate getting himself up in the mornings, behaving really wonderfully. I'm so impressed with ALL of them. Although, I wonder sometimes if it is the emotional baggage I have that makes it so much harder for me? Something to ponder when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep.
I also experienced anxiety attacks for the first time this weekend and my lovely mouth broke out in another round of cold sores. I guess caring for my mother along with the other daily stresses that I experience has sent me over the edge. I'm still debating whether to seek medical advice. I don't think at this point that I would be able to take any meds. I also don't want to even KNOW what my blood pressure is hovering at. I haven't exercised since before Christmas except for shoveling (which is just an excuse to get my sorry ass out of the house and doing something - thank you very much).
I don't want to sound like I am whining. I probably do and for that I apologize. I have no one to really vent to except my sister and brother and really? My sister took care of my father (he had dementia too) and my brother takes my mother on the weekends. They both know the stresses and didn't/don't complain - at least to me. I just miss my few hours of quiet when number 6 is at school with the rest of them and my ability to come and go as I please. I miss going into school once a week to volunteer in a preschool or first grade classroom. I miss feeling like a wife, because trust me, there isn't any part of me who feels sexy or even remotely attractive these days.
Thankfully, I still get to go to church each week without worry. I still make the snack each week for Thursday's Bible based clubs for the youth at church. I still am able to talk to my bestie and text with whomever is around. I still cook, do laundry (and yes, still one of my quiet places...probably why I have not been behind since Mom moved in) and bake breads, cookies, cakes, etc. I guess what I am saying that I've given up a lot, but I am thankful for the things I still am able to do.
I don't think caring for my mom will get any easier and I know when we square away the legal stuff it will be even harder to leave my mother in a place that isn't one of our homes. I will feel amazing guilt over it, but I will feel relief too, which will in turn make the guilt even heavier. I am hoping perhaps that the guilty feeling will be better than the feelings I am experiencing now.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
And suddenly I see
A couple months ago I was at the library trying to find some books that would be good and as is customary during my visits, my mind went blank on which books I would have liked to check out (I've started carrying lists now). I remembered a certain someone (thank you TL) mentioning the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon and figured I would check out the first book and see if it would be something I enjoyed.
Honestly, I had a hard time at first getting into the book. It takes a bit of the first book creating the scenes and characters, but once I was past that, a new world opened up to me. Each time I go to the library (about every 2 weeks or so), I check out another book in the series (I have just started the 4th book).
What has struck me the most in this series is the fact that I love my husband in the same way that the main characters love each other. Isn't that absurd? I have been thinking about this for the last month or so and feel so funny that a fictional book has been an epiphany in my life. I am quite sure that I live in reality and that these books are fictional, but I am also quite certain that my hubby is my personal Jamie Fraser - minus the red hair and maybe an inch or so in stature. It brings the books more to life for me. Draws me to them even when I should be doing other things. I have shared with the hubster what I think. I have told him that these books have really hit something that maybe I've always known, but have forgotten during the many years of babies, diapers, midnight feedings, etc. We are simply meant to be.
Some people don't believe in soul mates. I probably wouldn't either except I know I live with mine. I know that my hubby is my other half and 99% of the time can we can finish each other's sentences. It hasn't been all butterflies and roses. It hasn't always been a sure thing, but through it all, I know he is my best friend and I know that I am his. I would rather spend a day (and many nights /wink, wink/) with him more than anyone else. I jump at the chance to be alone with him and am really digging this part of our lives. I love that our youngest children are growing more independent each day and that leaves us with more time for each other.
So even though I feel pretty absurd for figuring this all out because of some fictional series, I am glad that I have. Being happy and in love is a pretty wonderful place to be.
Honestly, I had a hard time at first getting into the book. It takes a bit of the first book creating the scenes and characters, but once I was past that, a new world opened up to me. Each time I go to the library (about every 2 weeks or so), I check out another book in the series (I have just started the 4th book).
What has struck me the most in this series is the fact that I love my husband in the same way that the main characters love each other. Isn't that absurd? I have been thinking about this for the last month or so and feel so funny that a fictional book has been an epiphany in my life. I am quite sure that I live in reality and that these books are fictional, but I am also quite certain that my hubby is my personal Jamie Fraser - minus the red hair and maybe an inch or so in stature. It brings the books more to life for me. Draws me to them even when I should be doing other things. I have shared with the hubster what I think. I have told him that these books have really hit something that maybe I've always known, but have forgotten during the many years of babies, diapers, midnight feedings, etc. We are simply meant to be.
Some people don't believe in soul mates. I probably wouldn't either except I know I live with mine. I know that my hubby is my other half and 99% of the time can we can finish each other's sentences. It hasn't been all butterflies and roses. It hasn't always been a sure thing, but through it all, I know he is my best friend and I know that I am his. I would rather spend a day (and many nights /wink, wink/) with him more than anyone else. I jump at the chance to be alone with him and am really digging this part of our lives. I love that our youngest children are growing more independent each day and that leaves us with more time for each other.
So even though I feel pretty absurd for figuring this all out because of some fictional series, I am glad that I have. Being happy and in love is a pretty wonderful place to be.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Saying goodbye and new beginnings
Saying goodbye:
to 3yo preschool
to EO Smith high school (at least for another 2-3 years)
to the childhood of my eldest (how did this happen so quickly?)
to Kindergarten
to 4th grade
to 5th grade
to 10th grade
to the many dreams I've had about attending college for agronomy(personally, this is a tough one and the mourning has just started)
to a year of 2nd Company at Dance Express
New beginnings:
Manchester Community College & Federal Student Aid forms
4yo preschool
1st grade
5th grade
6th grade
11th grade
picking up the "go green" thread in hubby's business and running with it - having something of my own so I feel like I'm contributing something...anything.
My heart is aching with all the goodbyes and is so heavy in so many uncountable ways, but I see a light - a hope for the future - in all the new beginnings. I am praying (literally) for my path as a mom, a wife and as a person to be clear. For God to open doors and/or (large) windows so I might know that I'm on the right path.
I'm not much of a friend these days and for that, I apologize. I'm so caught up in trying to manage the constant lump in my throat and the tears that never seem to be too far away that I have left things unsaid (like birthday wishes, hugs, kind words). I am having a hard time taking care of even the littlest of things. I feel like I am in "safe mode". Nothing gained and nothing lost. Just trying to get through the days.
Perhaps after this coming weekend (J's graduation from high school and B's tryouts for 1st Company) I'll be in a better place. I sure hope so. I don't think I can handle this much longer.
to 3yo preschool
to EO Smith high school (at least for another 2-3 years)
to the childhood of my eldest (how did this happen so quickly?)
to Kindergarten
to 4th grade
to 5th grade
to 10th grade
to the many dreams I've had about attending college for agronomy(personally, this is a tough one and the mourning has just started)
to a year of 2nd Company at Dance Express
New beginnings:
Manchester Community College & Federal Student Aid forms
4yo preschool
1st grade
5th grade
6th grade
11th grade
picking up the "go green" thread in hubby's business and running with it - having something of my own so I feel like I'm contributing something...anything.
My heart is aching with all the goodbyes and is so heavy in so many uncountable ways, but I see a light - a hope for the future - in all the new beginnings. I am praying (literally) for my path as a mom, a wife and as a person to be clear. For God to open doors and/or (large) windows so I might know that I'm on the right path.
I'm not much of a friend these days and for that, I apologize. I'm so caught up in trying to manage the constant lump in my throat and the tears that never seem to be too far away that I have left things unsaid (like birthday wishes, hugs, kind words). I am having a hard time taking care of even the littlest of things. I feel like I am in "safe mode". Nothing gained and nothing lost. Just trying to get through the days.
Perhaps after this coming weekend (J's graduation from high school and B's tryouts for 1st Company) I'll be in a better place. I sure hope so. I don't think I can handle this much longer.
Monday, March 22, 2010
A ramble about the lack of planning in my life
I'm ok with it.
Life that is.
It ebbs & flows and I pretty much ride the wave of where it takes me. Sometimes I wish I was more take charge and charted my course like so many around me. Truth of the matter is is that I'm not a planner and never have been. I have dreams, but I have a hard time making the plan on how to get to that point. I often figure that if it is meant to be, it will be and never think really think about how I might be able to arrange things to my advantage so I can make sure I get there. My dream of becoming a mom to lots of children and a wife to a great hubby has already worked out without much effort on my part. This is not to say that my marriage & mother duties do not require work...they require more than I have in me some days. Just that I didn't have to fight to find my hubby (I met him in high school in our small town) and well, childbearing came easy except for a few bumps in the road.
I often wonder if maybe I am too laid back. I mean, I am certainly anal about laundry and how the house should be cleaned, but I've also stepped back from that kind of "control" because really, if someone wants to clean my house or load my dishwasher, why should I care how they do it as long as it gets done, right? (As long as you don't touch my damn laundry! Ok, so some of my anal-ness is alive and well./grin/) I find that the older I get, the less battles I see fit fighting. I also see the same in my parenting which of course happened with my own parents. Once you get to that last one and you've already raised a few to adulthood, you kinda let things slide. I hope I don't let too many things slide with that little spitfire because there are some hard battles that really need to be fought and won by the parents...I hope I have the wisdom (and recollection) of which they are.
At this point, I am happy in my direction even if there are still some rough waters ahead. Things are going well enough. I see a light at the end of the dark tunnel that was winter and I'm sure the taste of warm spring days has certainly lightened my load up a bit. I guess I just wonder if God wants me to behave differently than I do....
Life that is.
It ebbs & flows and I pretty much ride the wave of where it takes me. Sometimes I wish I was more take charge and charted my course like so many around me. Truth of the matter is is that I'm not a planner and never have been. I have dreams, but I have a hard time making the plan on how to get to that point. I often figure that if it is meant to be, it will be and never think really think about how I might be able to arrange things to my advantage so I can make sure I get there. My dream of becoming a mom to lots of children and a wife to a great hubby has already worked out without much effort on my part. This is not to say that my marriage & mother duties do not require work...they require more than I have in me some days. Just that I didn't have to fight to find my hubby (I met him in high school in our small town) and well, childbearing came easy except for a few bumps in the road.
I often wonder if maybe I am too laid back. I mean, I am certainly anal about laundry and how the house should be cleaned, but I've also stepped back from that kind of "control" because really, if someone wants to clean my house or load my dishwasher, why should I care how they do it as long as it gets done, right? (As long as you don't touch my damn laundry! Ok, so some of my anal-ness is alive and well./grin/) I find that the older I get, the less battles I see fit fighting. I also see the same in my parenting which of course happened with my own parents. Once you get to that last one and you've already raised a few to adulthood, you kinda let things slide. I hope I don't let too many things slide with that little spitfire because there are some hard battles that really need to be fought and won by the parents...I hope I have the wisdom (and recollection) of which they are.
At this point, I am happy in my direction even if there are still some rough waters ahead. Things are going well enough. I see a light at the end of the dark tunnel that was winter and I'm sure the taste of warm spring days has certainly lightened my load up a bit. I guess I just wonder if God wants me to behave differently than I do....
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Where did that come from?
Just a minute ago I received a totally unexpected comment on FB. It was from a guy I knew in high school. He graduated a year ahead of me. We had one English class together and he was what you would call an "outsider". He had plenty of friends, but I wouldn't have called him "mainstream". I enjoyed getting to know him during our class time, but we never hung out or anything. With the magic of FB, I was happy to find & friend him. My favorite memories of him were during Halloween when he would dress up as Gumby (he was like 6 feet tall and didn't have a small frame) and during our English class when we produced a short film (a horror flick where our teacher killed us all with Barry Manilow music...hahaha). Just random memories that make me smile.
Anyway, he told me that I was smart, observant and thoughtful. I was embarrassed at first because I don't like compliments (ok, so I am still a bit embarrassed). I am ever mindful of never wanting to sound like I am "all that" because I see so many things I would love to change about myself. I then started to think about it...while I certainly feel uncomfortable with the compliments, I am also happy that people think that about me. I am happy that is what I am showing through my interactions on FB and frankly, in life. I had a cousin tell me just a few months ago that I reminded her of her Mom. That particular comment brought me to tears and still does just thinking of it. My aunt was the most loving, empathetic and compassionate person I knew. To be even compared to her was mind blowing, but it also made me want to be better. To forgive even easier. To show others love more. To heal others' hurts.
I don't think my uncomfortableness of receiving compliments will ever stop, but I hope they continue to make me strive to be a better person.
Anyway, he told me that I was smart, observant and thoughtful. I was embarrassed at first because I don't like compliments (ok, so I am still a bit embarrassed). I am ever mindful of never wanting to sound like I am "all that" because I see so many things I would love to change about myself. I then started to think about it...while I certainly feel uncomfortable with the compliments, I am also happy that people think that about me. I am happy that is what I am showing through my interactions on FB and frankly, in life. I had a cousin tell me just a few months ago that I reminded her of her Mom. That particular comment brought me to tears and still does just thinking of it. My aunt was the most loving, empathetic and compassionate person I knew. To be even compared to her was mind blowing, but it also made me want to be better. To forgive even easier. To show others love more. To heal others' hurts.
I don't think my uncomfortableness of receiving compliments will ever stop, but I hope they continue to make me strive to be a better person.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Musings of a tired mom....that's me
I really don't have too much to write about. Funny how chaperoning two teenagers will make you feel like you've done a year end closing for a big company. I am wiped today. I cannot wait for the 4 youngest to be bathed & in bed!
Sooooo....here I am as a mom dealing with my first serious boyfriend/girlfriend thing. J & A are, from what I've gathered from J, pretty serious. So serious that he was hoping to take her over to hubby's parents to meet them & hubby's grandmother tonight while Bec has dance. She seems like a very nice girl and I haven't seen or heard anything that would make me feel different. I do give them their space for the most part. I don't mind if they are laying on the couch together napping or hugging or kissing (no make out sessions...ewww). Seeing how there are two little people who run around all afternoon, there definitely isn't much time to get into trouble in a common room of the house.
I also have done something I said I never would. I invited A. to sleep over on Sat. evening as we are having a game night w/family & friends. J also invited his best friend, AM, over to sleep. I am hoping that I do not regret the decision, but I really don't think I will. J is pretty respectful of the boundaries we've laid down and I don't think either of them are ready to explore a sexual relationship (again, what I've gathered from J).
Other than that, nothing is really new(s) here. Money is tighter than we've experienced in many years, but we're getting by and I trust that God will provide for our needs like He always has in the past. I'm just pluggin' along and trying to keep my head above water while keeping the house cleaned, the laundry caught up and the kiddos in line. I've noticed that when I am doing a decent job in these areas, I really don't have time to be online playing. It makes me sad because I feel out of the loop, but I know from past experience how important it is for me to keep "real life" going smoothly especially this time of year when I am most prone to slipping into a "bad" place mentally.
So far so good...now onto bedtime :)))))
Sooooo....here I am as a mom dealing with my first serious boyfriend/girlfriend thing. J & A are, from what I've gathered from J, pretty serious. So serious that he was hoping to take her over to hubby's parents to meet them & hubby's grandmother tonight while Bec has dance. She seems like a very nice girl and I haven't seen or heard anything that would make me feel different. I do give them their space for the most part. I don't mind if they are laying on the couch together napping or hugging or kissing (no make out sessions...ewww). Seeing how there are two little people who run around all afternoon, there definitely isn't much time to get into trouble in a common room of the house.
I also have done something I said I never would. I invited A. to sleep over on Sat. evening as we are having a game night w/family & friends. J also invited his best friend, AM, over to sleep. I am hoping that I do not regret the decision, but I really don't think I will. J is pretty respectful of the boundaries we've laid down and I don't think either of them are ready to explore a sexual relationship (again, what I've gathered from J).
Other than that, nothing is really new(s) here. Money is tighter than we've experienced in many years, but we're getting by and I trust that God will provide for our needs like He always has in the past. I'm just pluggin' along and trying to keep my head above water while keeping the house cleaned, the laundry caught up and the kiddos in line. I've noticed that when I am doing a decent job in these areas, I really don't have time to be online playing. It makes me sad because I feel out of the loop, but I know from past experience how important it is for me to keep "real life" going smoothly especially this time of year when I am most prone to slipping into a "bad" place mentally.
So far so good...now onto bedtime :)))))
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Naughty little girls
Emma is a naughty little girl.
There. I said it.
Why is she a naughty little girl you ask? (or even if you don't, I'm going to tell you anyway!)
Her mommy (me) fixes her a delicious breakfast of Multi-grain cheerios and milk. She sits in Daniel's chair because I think she's finally learned that if she sits in her booster, she can't get out until I get her out. She's a smart cookie that way. Then I grab the hamper with the dirty laundry in it and started my daily routine of picking up yesterday's clothing from every imaginable room in the house and head down to the basement to start a load or five. She even says "Bye Mommy!!!" when she hears the familiar tromp down the basement stairs.
Showing me she is done w/breakfastWhile I am down switching from washer to dryer and starting another load and folding the one that just came out of the dryer, I start to obsess about how David has only 4 pairs of pants. It's cold. I must've saved some kind of pants from Thomas & Daniel. Where did I put them? So begins the search through the various rubber bins and boxes looking for size 6 slim pants. Well, of course, I found shirts....sweatshirts, t-shirts, long sleeve shirts, polo shirts....And shorts too...and maybe 2 or 3 pairs of pants that might fit. And I didn't just find things for David...no. I searched for things for Daniel & Thomas as well. Size 10 slim...or at least 10's w/an adjustable waist. Did I mention that Jeremy must've had 14 million pairs of size 12's? Because I found all of them. Alas, no 10's. :( I found pj's and hoodies and polos for the middle ones. Ah, this is very good. This cuts down on the amount of clothing I will have to buy next weekend in North Conway on our annual girls' only shopping trip - however, I will still have to buy David & Thomas & Daniel some pants. :oP
I should mention through all of this, I hear Emma. I hear her paddling around upstairs. She comes to the cellar door and tells me she is done with her delicious & nutritious multi grain cheerios. She shuts the cellar door after I tell her that I'm just doing some laundry. "Ok mommy!" I hear her in teasing the poor pups who are captive in their kennels. When I say tease, I mean she just talks to them and tells them how much she loves them, but they want to be outside at this point and seeing a human means outside must be near. Unfortunately for them, Emma hasn't mastered unlocking the kennel doors.
I sort the clothes into the various piles on the basement floor and I grab the middle boys' basket so that I can head up to their room and start switching from t-shirts & shorts to long pants and turtlenecks. I get to the top of the stairs and what is staring at me? A naughty little girl who is now covered in RED magic marker. I ask (ok yell) "Where did you get that marker, Emma?!" And how does my naughty little girl answer me? She says "Because." I follow the trail into Jeremy's room (where the dog kennels are) and I believe that she has actually tried to write on Guinness as well. She tells me "Guinness good dog." I see the red Crayola marker with the cap off. My mind thinks...could this be a washable marker...oh please lord, let it be. No. Such. Luck.
Would I kid you? Covered in marker!So my naughty little girl is in the tub. And the water is pink. And the marker isn't all off even though I've scrubbed her numerous times with a washcloth soaked with Lever 2000. Hmmmm. Hubby tells me that these times are short and when Emma is older I am going to look back fondly on these times and wish I could relive them. I know he is right because I have an almost 17 year old, but it just doesn't seem possible when I look at Emma covered in marker.
The water was pinkish white as she pulled the
bar of soap in. (Please don't mind the ugly iron
ring around the tub...our well water is awful if
we don't keep the salt in the softening system.)
I know God sent me Emma and I am so thankful. But I also know that God was trying to get a message to me. No more. ;) God - if you're listening - I agree!
A good soaking took care of the rest!
Clean & ready for more mischief!
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Best Bits of the Weekend
It was a nice weekend despite my anxiety over it. I think my favorite part was Family Day yesterday. In the three plus years we've lived here, we've never ventured out to family day. We decided to give it a try and I'm so glad we did.
First off, it is held in a park that also holds an elderly complex here in town. There is a great big green in the middle along with a fairly large gazebo. We've not attended any of the summer concerts there or really been up in the park except a quick turn around a couple of times. The parking wasn't difficult although we had to park at the Library and cross Rte. 44 which can be pretty hairy (it is a main route through CT to RI).
When we got up the drive and into the actual park, a sea of tents seemed to fill the open areas. I needed to get to the church tent as I had baked 7 dozen cookies for the Bingo they were running (food being the prize for BINGO). The church tent was parked toward the top of the green and it offered a great view of all the different tents and what was going on. I looked around amazed at the fact that I actually knew some of the faces and that virtually everything that was offered was FREE. Yes, I said FREE. The only things that required money was ice cream (which I didn't see a tent for), the Historical Society's bake sale and the Sunday Farmer's Market that was running at the same time. The burgers & dogs were provided by our volunteer fire department (cooked on site). The corn on the cob was provided by the town Republicans and the drinks (lemonade, water, iced tea) were provided by the town Democrats. The Baptist church had caramel apples & the early childhood program was giving away balloons with cool rubber rings that fit right on your wrist. There were face painters (and really GOOD ones at that), a tattoo table (the washable ones), bounce house, large inflated slide, sand table (filling little bottles with colored sand), craft table, a pretty decent band playing in the gazebo and a host of activities for the kids (wooden chariot rides, wooden stilts to try, a wooden thing with huge wheels that the had to try and drive down a narrow roped off passage in the grass). Did I mention that this was all FREE? I wish I had brought my camera. The 3 little boys had a ball!
The other good part about this weekend? The time I got to spend with Jerm, Bec and my niece, Jess. Jess is 18 and is the youngest daughter of hubby's eldest brother. Jess hasn't always been one to socialize with her family like her older sister, but she seems to have just BLOOMED this past year. I really think it has to do with hubby's brother ditching his bitch of an exwife and finding his new gf. His new girlfriend, H., is awesome and she and Jess have really forged a strong bond. Jess hasn't had a "normal" mother figure ever in her life and having one now has made a huge difference. Anyway, just hangin' with the teenagers was great. Everyone was laughing and getting along...it was so much fun to watch them interact.
The family party was ok - no drama. The gifts we brought for our nieces & nephews were hits and the cake was delicious! YUM! Chris and I also had some solo time with Tom on Friday night which I hope will help with that situation. It was a good last bit of summer....
First off, it is held in a park that also holds an elderly complex here in town. There is a great big green in the middle along with a fairly large gazebo. We've not attended any of the summer concerts there or really been up in the park except a quick turn around a couple of times. The parking wasn't difficult although we had to park at the Library and cross Rte. 44 which can be pretty hairy (it is a main route through CT to RI).
When we got up the drive and into the actual park, a sea of tents seemed to fill the open areas. I needed to get to the church tent as I had baked 7 dozen cookies for the Bingo they were running (food being the prize for BINGO). The church tent was parked toward the top of the green and it offered a great view of all the different tents and what was going on. I looked around amazed at the fact that I actually knew some of the faces and that virtually everything that was offered was FREE. Yes, I said FREE. The only things that required money was ice cream (which I didn't see a tent for), the Historical Society's bake sale and the Sunday Farmer's Market that was running at the same time. The burgers & dogs were provided by our volunteer fire department (cooked on site). The corn on the cob was provided by the town Republicans and the drinks (lemonade, water, iced tea) were provided by the town Democrats. The Baptist church had caramel apples & the early childhood program was giving away balloons with cool rubber rings that fit right on your wrist. There were face painters (and really GOOD ones at that), a tattoo table (the washable ones), bounce house, large inflated slide, sand table (filling little bottles with colored sand), craft table, a pretty decent band playing in the gazebo and a host of activities for the kids (wooden chariot rides, wooden stilts to try, a wooden thing with huge wheels that the had to try and drive down a narrow roped off passage in the grass). Did I mention that this was all FREE? I wish I had brought my camera. The 3 little boys had a ball!
The other good part about this weekend? The time I got to spend with Jerm, Bec and my niece, Jess. Jess is 18 and is the youngest daughter of hubby's eldest brother. Jess hasn't always been one to socialize with her family like her older sister, but she seems to have just BLOOMED this past year. I really think it has to do with hubby's brother ditching his bitch of an exwife and finding his new gf. His new girlfriend, H., is awesome and she and Jess have really forged a strong bond. Jess hasn't had a "normal" mother figure ever in her life and having one now has made a huge difference. Anyway, just hangin' with the teenagers was great. Everyone was laughing and getting along...it was so much fun to watch them interact.
The family party was ok - no drama. The gifts we brought for our nieces & nephews were hits and the cake was delicious! YUM! Chris and I also had some solo time with Tom on Friday night which I hope will help with that situation. It was a good last bit of summer....
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Life is Randomness
Talked to C. last night at church before our Sunday school meeting. Hospice is now coming in for P. I don't think P. is quite ready to go though. He has yet to discuss anything regarding his funeral, etc. w/C. although I think I understand why. In all the people I have known who have died from a terminal illness (or someone like my nephew who was close before getting his new lungs), you have to come to a certain peace that what is actually happening to you is happening. I can only imagine the loose ends that need to be tied up and that there is some sort of acceptance that must be swallowed, bitter as it may be.
I am fully aware of what Christianity teaches regarding death, but I have to admit that being left behind is so hard regardless of what your brain says. Your heart says something different. My father will be dead two years this December and I still tear up thinking about him. I still miss him. Parents are your safety net no matter how old you are, I think. To lose them is a stark reminder of what you have become and what you have to look forward to.
On to Sunday school (I said it would be random, didn't I?).... It looks like I will be leading Jr. High/High School for the WHOLE year! I haven't been a youth leader in a very long time (since before Thomas was born). I am excited and nervous although the prep work is far less daunting than teaching the younger kiddos. In the winter months, we may even meet at my house at the dining room table. Our church has made some tough decisions regarding heating for the winter. With oil prices what they are, we cannot afford to heat the sanctuary. :( We are a very small congregation and unfortunately oil prices don't change because of this. I hope and pray that I am a well liked Youth teacher and that the kids actually get something out of it. Jr. high kids are not my favorite, but I am kind of burnt out with the littler ones so it was a good opportunity.
This Saturday is the family birthday party for all the September birthdays (there are quite a few). There has been quite a bit of family type drama going on lately which tires me just thinking about it all. I hope that things go smoothly. I have no desire for drama and hope that everyone else feels the same. I have already told myself that I am putting on a happy face and good attitude. Sometimes I feel very detached from the family because we always have done our own thing and because of prior commitments, we end up missing out on family things. In fact, because I agreed to fill in for the younger Sunday school this Sunday, we are missing out on a huge family gathering at an apple orchard. These are the times that I feel left out and not wanted. It seems changing the time is out for everyone else so we aren't included. That makes me sad, but I do understand. It just sucks nonetheless. We have tentative plans to attend our town's Family Day after church. The 3 younger boys are really excited about doing that although if Chris' brother and his girlfriend decide to stop on the way back to the Cape, that may be out as well. Chris and I are not planners by nature and things always get mucked up when we try so I guess like everything, we'll just go with the flow and what happens, happens.
Well, I s'pose I should be off...I have a cake to order (do you think they will be able to fit 8 names?), birthday gift shopping for nieces & nephews, an ortho appointment for Jerm, a color appointment (I have to be repinked) and a myriad of other things for today. Life could be better, but it's mine and because I know what other's are going through, I'll keep it. :)
I am fully aware of what Christianity teaches regarding death, but I have to admit that being left behind is so hard regardless of what your brain says. Your heart says something different. My father will be dead two years this December and I still tear up thinking about him. I still miss him. Parents are your safety net no matter how old you are, I think. To lose them is a stark reminder of what you have become and what you have to look forward to.
On to Sunday school (I said it would be random, didn't I?).... It looks like I will be leading Jr. High/High School for the WHOLE year! I haven't been a youth leader in a very long time (since before Thomas was born). I am excited and nervous although the prep work is far less daunting than teaching the younger kiddos. In the winter months, we may even meet at my house at the dining room table. Our church has made some tough decisions regarding heating for the winter. With oil prices what they are, we cannot afford to heat the sanctuary. :( We are a very small congregation and unfortunately oil prices don't change because of this. I hope and pray that I am a well liked Youth teacher and that the kids actually get something out of it. Jr. high kids are not my favorite, but I am kind of burnt out with the littler ones so it was a good opportunity.
This Saturday is the family birthday party for all the September birthdays (there are quite a few). There has been quite a bit of family type drama going on lately which tires me just thinking about it all. I hope that things go smoothly. I have no desire for drama and hope that everyone else feels the same. I have already told myself that I am putting on a happy face and good attitude. Sometimes I feel very detached from the family because we always have done our own thing and because of prior commitments, we end up missing out on family things. In fact, because I agreed to fill in for the younger Sunday school this Sunday, we are missing out on a huge family gathering at an apple orchard. These are the times that I feel left out and not wanted. It seems changing the time is out for everyone else so we aren't included. That makes me sad, but I do understand. It just sucks nonetheless. We have tentative plans to attend our town's Family Day after church. The 3 younger boys are really excited about doing that although if Chris' brother and his girlfriend decide to stop on the way back to the Cape, that may be out as well. Chris and I are not planners by nature and things always get mucked up when we try so I guess like everything, we'll just go with the flow and what happens, happens.
Well, I s'pose I should be off...I have a cake to order (do you think they will be able to fit 8 names?), birthday gift shopping for nieces & nephews, an ortho appointment for Jerm, a color appointment (I have to be repinked) and a myriad of other things for today. Life could be better, but it's mine and because I know what other's are going through, I'll keep it. :)
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Good things in my life...
It was a horrible morning. I woke up late for church and ended up being late to church even though it is right next door. P. did make it to church this morning. He is VERY weak and my heart is breaking for him and his family. It was a good service although there wasn't a sermon. The winds of change are certainly a-blowing and well, if you know me, I don't like change.
As I entered into my yard after church, hubby promptly jumped in D.'s truck and drove off to look at a job. I was irritated as he has been working from dawn 'til dark every night this past week including yesterday. I walked into the house and was greeted with the same mess I left and the fact that I had to get my red sauce cooking because I promised Daniel eggplant parm for supper tonight. There were whiny, ill behaved children involved as well. After getting my sauce together to simmer on the stove, I went to my bedroom to check FB. Tried to play some WT, but the kids were awful...seriously. I actually pumped soap into Thomas' mouth because he looked at me when I told him to do something and said "Whatever." in that awful, disrespectful way. (I don't care if he spits it out...I don't make them swallow it or anything...please don't call C&F on me, k?) I was stressed and everyone was on my last nerve.
Basically as Chris walked through the door I decided that I was leaving. I barked at him, one last time at the kids while I got my yoga pants & sneakers on and instead of driving away mad, I decided to walk. And then I jogged...and then the stress seemed to melt away like a glob of cold butter does when it hits a hot skillet. I started to feel less like a caged lioness and more like myself. I walked/jogged for about a half an hour and then hit home to see if anyone wanted to walk the blue path through the woods with me down the street (yes, the same one I took Em's stroller on the other day!) I ended up picking up Daniel, Thomas, David & Chris and so we set off for an adventure down the dirt road, through the wooded path and then back up our road. The boys had a great time even though the rain we've had has turned the wooded path into a little stream in a few places and that the little stream has turned into a raging brook. Wet, but fun.
And it dawned on me as I walked back to the house that I have so many GOOD things in my life. I thought maybe I could list a few of them just to remind myself....they are in no particular order.
As I entered into my yard after church, hubby promptly jumped in D.'s truck and drove off to look at a job. I was irritated as he has been working from dawn 'til dark every night this past week including yesterday. I walked into the house and was greeted with the same mess I left and the fact that I had to get my red sauce cooking because I promised Daniel eggplant parm for supper tonight. There were whiny, ill behaved children involved as well. After getting my sauce together to simmer on the stove, I went to my bedroom to check FB. Tried to play some WT, but the kids were awful...seriously. I actually pumped soap into Thomas' mouth because he looked at me when I told him to do something and said "Whatever." in that awful, disrespectful way. (I don't care if he spits it out...I don't make them swallow it or anything...please don't call C&F on me, k?) I was stressed and everyone was on my last nerve.
Basically as Chris walked through the door I decided that I was leaving. I barked at him, one last time at the kids while I got my yoga pants & sneakers on and instead of driving away mad, I decided to walk. And then I jogged...and then the stress seemed to melt away like a glob of cold butter does when it hits a hot skillet. I started to feel less like a caged lioness and more like myself. I walked/jogged for about a half an hour and then hit home to see if anyone wanted to walk the blue path through the woods with me down the street (yes, the same one I took Em's stroller on the other day!) I ended up picking up Daniel, Thomas, David & Chris and so we set off for an adventure down the dirt road, through the wooded path and then back up our road. The boys had a great time even though the rain we've had has turned the wooded path into a little stream in a few places and that the little stream has turned into a raging brook. Wet, but fun.
And it dawned on me as I walked back to the house that I have so many GOOD things in my life. I thought maybe I could list a few of them just to remind myself....they are in no particular order.
- An awesomely caring, loving & HOT hubby
- Healthy kiddos - 6 of them, even!
- A comfortable home with relatively nice things
- A solid extended family
- New found girlfriends who always seem to lift me up if I fall
- My brain...it works...and someday I know it will be full of soil science
- My computer & the fact that I am able to keep in touch with those far away
- A full belly with no worries that it won't be full anytime soon
- My relationship with God. I don't always understand, but I do understand that someday I'll know the reason why for everything I don't understand. Trust & obey.
- The fact that I am able to exercise, think, breathe, be and the fact that I am able to wake up every day and am free to be the change I want to see.
What I hope to remember is that things aren't always going to be perfect, but if I look around, I am positive that someone else in my life has it harder than I do. I need to remember to give thanks for the blessings that I see each and every day and focus on those instead of the little rough patches that pop up here and there along the way.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Falling off the face of the earth
Ok, so I didn't really, but it certainly feels that way!
Why did I think once the kids went back to school that FREE TIME would magically appear in my day? Granted, things are super quiet here (YAY!), but I have found that the few hours I have just Em in the mornings are spent cleaning up and tidying the house. Yesterday I even baked a pie before I even got Em out of her crib. Can I just say "THANK GOD!"?
Seriously. Looking back at summer it is so apparent to me that I was just totally overwhelmed with all the kiddos being home. Nothing ever stayed clean and truth be told, I just gave up after awhile. I mean, I still cleaned the kitchen (counters, etc.) and the bathrooms, but the floors? Nope. Bedrooms? Nope again. Living room? I would ask the kids to pick up the garbage & toys off the floor every couple of days. I'm so ashamed to admit that, but there it is. The awful truth about me & my housekeeping. Now my laundry is caught up, dinner is being made every night, the living room is picked up each and every day and I may even start getting the floors done every day like they should be. Of course, my bedroom still looks like a hurricane went through it, but mostly I just need to put away my clean clothes and keep Em's toys picked up.
On top of starting to get my little world back into control, Jerm has seen the cardiologist, had blood taken for cholesterol testing, etc., had an echo cardiogram and is scheduled for a stress test & halter tomorrow. Our consult is next Friday and I'll be updating on that situation after our meeting. Becca has started school and is picked up about 1 hour after the elementary boys. She does not get home until after 6pm which is a bit disconcerting for me, but I guess I'll get used to it. Em is growing leaps and bounds and talking SO much. Of course, it isn't ever anything nice because my awesome teens like to hear her say "Truck You" which I'm sure you can figure out how it actually comes out. Oh yes, we talk about trucks, truckers, big trucks, daddy's trucks, mama's truck at the dinner table each night. Good times. Gooooood times. It's hard not to laugh because it is rather funny in a teenage way and I'm not anything if not juvenile. :oP
So yeah, still here...still trying to get my act together and get a routine. Once that happens, I should be around more...whether that is a good thing or not, I'll let you decide. ;)
Why did I think once the kids went back to school that FREE TIME would magically appear in my day? Granted, things are super quiet here (YAY!), but I have found that the few hours I have just Em in the mornings are spent cleaning up and tidying the house. Yesterday I even baked a pie before I even got Em out of her crib. Can I just say "THANK GOD!"?
Seriously. Looking back at summer it is so apparent to me that I was just totally overwhelmed with all the kiddos being home. Nothing ever stayed clean and truth be told, I just gave up after awhile. I mean, I still cleaned the kitchen (counters, etc.) and the bathrooms, but the floors? Nope. Bedrooms? Nope again. Living room? I would ask the kids to pick up the garbage & toys off the floor every couple of days. I'm so ashamed to admit that, but there it is. The awful truth about me & my housekeeping. Now my laundry is caught up, dinner is being made every night, the living room is picked up each and every day and I may even start getting the floors done every day like they should be. Of course, my bedroom still looks like a hurricane went through it, but mostly I just need to put away my clean clothes and keep Em's toys picked up.
On top of starting to get my little world back into control, Jerm has seen the cardiologist, had blood taken for cholesterol testing, etc., had an echo cardiogram and is scheduled for a stress test & halter tomorrow. Our consult is next Friday and I'll be updating on that situation after our meeting. Becca has started school and is picked up about 1 hour after the elementary boys. She does not get home until after 6pm which is a bit disconcerting for me, but I guess I'll get used to it. Em is growing leaps and bounds and talking SO much. Of course, it isn't ever anything nice because my awesome teens like to hear her say "Truck You" which I'm sure you can figure out how it actually comes out. Oh yes, we talk about trucks, truckers, big trucks, daddy's trucks, mama's truck at the dinner table each night. Good times. Gooooood times. It's hard not to laugh because it is rather funny in a teenage way and I'm not anything if not juvenile. :oP
So yeah, still here...still trying to get my act together and get a routine. Once that happens, I should be around more...whether that is a good thing or not, I'll let you decide. ;)
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