A ramble about the lack of planning in my life

I'm ok with it.

Life that is.

It ebbs & flows and I pretty much ride the wave of where it takes me. Sometimes I wish I was more take charge and charted my course like so many around me. Truth of the matter is is that I'm not a planner and never have been. I have dreams, but I have a hard time making the plan on how to get to that point. I often figure that if it is meant to be, it will be and never think really think about how I might be able to arrange things to my advantage so I can make sure I get there. My dream of becoming a mom to lots of children and a wife to a great hubby has already worked out without much effort on my part. This is not to say that my marriage & mother duties do not require work...they require more than I have in me some days. Just that I didn't have to fight to find my hubby (I met him in high school in our small town) and well, childbearing came easy except for a few bumps in the road.

I often wonder if maybe I am too laid back. I mean, I am certainly anal about laundry and how the house should be cleaned, but I've also stepped back from that kind of "control" because really, if someone wants to clean my house or load my dishwasher, why should I care how they do it as long as it gets done, right? (As long as you don't touch my damn laundry! Ok, so some of my anal-ness is alive and well./grin/) I find that the older I get, the less battles I see fit fighting. I also see the same in my parenting which of course happened with my own parents. Once you get to that last one and you've already raised a few to adulthood, you kinda let things slide. I hope I don't let too many things slide with that little spitfire because there are some hard battles that really need to be fought and won by the parents...I hope I have the wisdom (and recollection) of which they are.

At this point, I am happy in my direction even if there are still some rough waters ahead. Things are going well enough. I see a light at the end of the dark tunnel that was winter and I'm sure the taste of warm spring days has certainly lightened my load up a bit. I guess I just wonder if God wants me to behave differently than I do....