Boston in late fall - Another blessing is added

It's been a long time since I've blogged. Life certainly has a way of getting in the way of the things I want to do.

I had another glorious trip to meet my girlfriends in Boston except this time I was even more lucky because I got to bring along my eldest daughter and she got to meet these friends that I talk about with anyone who will listen to me fawn all about them.

My daughter and I are the same in many ways. We are goofy, love to laugh until we howl, love to take silly pictures of ourselves, love to shop and generally have a great time together. In other ways, my daughter has things figured out SO much better than I did at her age. She is confident in herself and what she believes in. She may be dingy sometimes (which is actually quite endearing), but no one is going to mess with her more than once. She thinks too much of herself for that kind of crap, and for that, I am SO thankful.

So of course when we arrived at the hotel, I immediately had to find where everyone was "meeting" because I had hugs and hugs and hugs & even some kisses stored up and ready to give. I was so happy we didn't hit the usual mad traffic on the highway and we pretty much sailed right up. We found "the room" and the love that hit me in the face as soon as the door opened was absolutely delightful! I was awed that nothing changed. Time and space had done nothing to diminish the love these beautiful, talented, wonderous women have for me and the rest of their friends. What astounded me even more was that in turn they showered Bec with the same affection. How kind they all were to her - a mere 14 yo child - during what is most definitely a child free time.

My daughter was surprised by their easy manner and their immediate generosity towards her. She loved everyone, but was most taken with Sophie. Sophie was also there on a mother-daughter jaunt although their jaunt was a bit more extensive than ours. ;) Becca loved Sophie from the instant she opened her mouth. She loved her outspoken way and her accent and just about everything else. In fact, when Sophie left us at dinner on Saturday evening for a night out with George, Becca mumbled that she didn't like George too much and wished Sophie could have come back to the hotel with us instead. :)))) I understood her disappointment, but she did ok back at the hotel eating Lindt truffles and refilling the wrappings with paper to fool her friends back at school while we got to host a few brave women back in our room.

I wish she could have met G...and Michelle...and NewMichelle (who really isn't new anymore) and Jackie. I wish we could have ALL been there although I must say I could certainly feel their spirits hanging out with us. Someday all the LFFs will be together again. I don't know when or where or how, but I know if it is within my power to make it happen, I will do whatever it takes. These women are not just my friends, they are my sisters. They are part of who I am...part of my soul. Each one of them is important to me and their friendships make me wonder how in the world I got so lucky that this group of women got together on the internet, became friends and then picked a city so close to me that I've got to hang out with them twice. Seriously.Mind.Blowing.

Now we are home and back to the same old, same old, but the nice thing is that we're didn't come back the same as when we went. We came back with SO much more...new friends, lots of love and more memories to hold in our hearts that are great to pull out when things aren't going so well. Knowing there are women out there who are the best cheerleaders, wittiest jokesters and the epitome of what friends should be can get you through just about anything.

I love you guys...and so does Becca :)

WTF?!

Headline on Google News:
Florida Teen Commits Suicide Live on Webcam

Are you kidding me?!
And it took 12 flippin' hours for someone to alert authorities and have them check the kid out who was of course dead by that point.

The real kicker? People laughed at the live feed. Laughed. The amount of hard heartedness in this world astonishes me on a daily basis. How can you laugh when someone has died? Even someone you didn't know. How? How can a heart be so cold to someone's obvious sadness and lack of hope especially when the person is TELLING YOU WHILE STARING INTO A FREAKIN' WEBCAM? This type of thing makes my heart hurt.

Whether I know someone or not, I still feel a human connection. A deep down connection that, for me, has to be from the Master Creator. A tie that binds us all together, if you will. We are all part of the same human race and while I believe that there are evil doers among us, for the most part, I think we all strive for the same things in life. We all want happiness, love, someone to pick us up when we fall...

I just cannot fathom what went through the minds of the people/teenagers who sat there watching and doing nothing and then laughing when it was apparent this young man was dead. If nothing else, I believe that karma catches up eventually...whether it be here on this earth or on the day of judgement...how you treat others is how you will be treated.

Mmmmm, Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving. Yes I do. Wanna know why?

I love brining my turkey. Thank you Alton Brown for giving me a clue. I don't think I will ever NOT brine my turkey (who is actually happily in my freezer right now waiting for his salty bath next week!) It is so worth the extra prep work...really, you should try it if you haven't before.

I love cornbread stuffing. Thank you to The Barefoot Contessa - Ina Garten for the most fabulous recipe on earth. It's ok that I have to quadruple it because it came from your T-Dinner for Two episode. It's THAT good and I don't mind doing it.

I love finger jello. No, no...not those dumb "jiggler" thingamabobs...those are disgusting. No, FINGER JELLO. The kind you "pass" like a football at the Thanksgiving table. It is tradition and you can't break tradition! Thank you to my sister for teaching me the fine art of finger jello passing. :)

Black olives. Love these. Love to buy the JUMBO olives and put them on every finger. Yes, this happens at the table too. Jeremy & Becca usually do the same. You guessed it...another tradition!

Pumpkin pie. Do I need to say more?! The youngest boys love helping me put one together and everyone loves to eat it except for hubby. That's ok. We make him a banana cream.

Lemon Meringue. I make it. Not as good as my Mom's used to be, but Thanksgiving doesn't seem complete with out it. My SIL Kathy and I love it...tart as tart can be. Needless to say, this pie I bring to my IL's for dessert.

I love stuffed celery. YUM! Cream cheese & green olive stuffing, thank you very much.

Broccoli casserole. Ok, so this isn't my favorite. It is Jeremy & Chris' favorite though and again, it is tradition.

Ahhhh, party potatoes. Yes, starch is my world. I love party potatoes. This is a recipe from Chris' nana. Boiled whipped potatoes mixed with cream cheese, sour cream, salt, pepper, garlic & onion powder dotted with butter and baked in the oven. DIVINE!

Gravy, turnip, butternut squash & cranberry sauce....wouldn't be the same without them!

And the crowning glory of the meal is the homemade potato crescent rolls with homemade honey butter.

Yep, can't understand why I am falling asleep before the meal is over...it couldn't be the CARB overload, could it? It is good that this meal only happens once per year. I mean, it is so much food that I have to use the buffet with hot plates because the table simply isn't big enough! Once per year I cook for a week and it's over within an hour!

And let's not forget the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without seeing the giant Snoopy flying past! Someday I'm going to give up the cooking for once and see the parade in person. It's on my list of things to do before I die.

So if anyone is up for CARB overload and wants to come share a meal with us crazies here in the Quiet Corner, let me know...there are still 3 leaves stored in the table that I can pull out in a pinch!

Goofiness is totally under-rated

I think goofiness is under-rated. Why? Well because it makes you laugh. You can laugh at yourself and your friends/family and it's all good because, well, it's goofy.

I am an extremely goofy person around my hubby & kiddos. I tone it down quite a bit around others because I don't want anyone to think that I am very weird. Although, since meeting the best friends a girl could ever have this past summer, I have started to let little pieces of me that I've hidden from others shine through. I'm not ready to go public on Facebook with how goofy I am, but I figure here is a good start.

First off, I like to take goofy pictures...especially of my daughter Becca. In fact, she is the best person in the house to be goofy with and she embraces her goofiness which I think ROCKS. She in turn likes to take goofy pictures of herself...or just self portraits.

So on Halloween, we were both pretty punchy and silly - even before the candy. Here are a few of our goofy selves....

Taking pictures of Becca with an upside down camera from the front seat while Chris is driving

And here are a few self portraits that Bec took of herself while we were saying our goodbyes to our old neighbor.

And yes...even I joined in and had a ball while doing it. Silly self portraits of yours truly while driving in the car on Halloween night.

And the ultimate goofy pictures of me....

Yep. I'm goofy. And damn proud of it!

19 or 22 years

Today is my 19th wedding anniversary, however, it is also marks the 22nd year I've been with my hubby. 22 years is far more than 1/2 my life and by the time I was Jerm's age, I was with Chris. I can say with total honesty that I knew Chris was my soul mate by the time we were together for 4 months or so. It just felt right and we both felt it & talked about it frequently.

Things haven't always been easy or fun or wildly romantic. In fact, there are times that the only thing that has kept me here is the fact that I said a vow which I take very seriously and the fact that we have 6 kids. Of course, there is also the fact that while things aren't perfect, my hubby is comfortable. He knows me and I know him. I cannot for the life of me imagine being with any one else. I don't think I could open myself up to someone else in the way I have opened myself up to Chris in the last 22 years.

I think part of this comes from the fact that I was 16 year old when we first started dating. I was definitely more optimistic and starry eyed when it came to what life was going to hold for me. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine what it would really be like. And I don't mean it has been all bad. Many, many parts are even better than what I imagined. I just think that there is an innocence in being 16. You share more - you hold less back - your little girl dreams of marriage are still very much intact.

In all reality, Chris and I have grown up together. He knows me better than anyone else. I think this is the way it is supposed to be, but not having any good source to look to for marriage, I'm just guessing. You see, my parents were divorced by their 26th year of marriage. My siblings all have been divorced numerous times (in fact, my sister looks to be on her way to her 2nd divorce as I type). My mother's parents were divorced and although my father's parents were still together, we weren't close to them and there was plenty of dysfunction present there as well.

Chris' parents are still together - in fact, they will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in just 2 short years. While I think that is the coolest thing ever, I still don't look at their relationship as something I want to emulate. They are different from us and Chris and I are far more affectionate towards each other. It is almost as if they are married because that is what you do although I know they love each other...not sure if that makes sense or not. I guess I want more than what it looks like they have.

I'm proud to be married for 19 years. I think it's a pretty neat accomplishment and I hope that it sets a good example for my kiddos. They see that it isn't always easy, - they have friends whose parents are divorced or divorcing - but they see us hanging in there despite all the ups & downs. We might not have all the things other people have and we might not be able to take cool trips here and there, but we love each other and are committed to each other. I think that speaks volumes above anything else - at least I hope it does.

So happy anniversary to hubby and me...19 years ago today I was at my sister's house in Ellington having my pictures taken in my beautiful white gown and simple veil getting ready to say "I do." to the guy who was meant for me.

ETA - For those of you who are interested...19th wedding anniversaries gifts are supposed to be gifts of bronze (well, according the the "modern" train of thought). Me...I bought hubby a box of SHAMWOW at CVS. You know you're jealous.... ;)

I love where I live

Today as Em and I were driving to the grocery store, I was reminded why I love living where I do. As I took a right out of my road and drove maybe a quarter of a mile westward, I came across a young deer standing in a cow pasture with a mess of geese. As I drove past, two large dump trucks towing large equipment behind them came lumbering up the other side of the road. The young deer picked its head & ears up, but went about its search for sustenance.

I drove down the road a bit and turned around at the next road to go back and get pictures. The deer never flinched or looked concerned. I then turned back around and took more pictures including one which shows more geese coming in for a landing. If I thought it out better, I would have remembered to snap a picture of the amazing beaver hut on the other side of the street. It's been in the swampy area since we moved in over 3 years ago and it seems like it gets bigger each year. Even more amazing - the deer was still in the pasture when Em and I returned from our shopping trip 45 minutes later.

I like, no LOVE, living in our rural area. Sometimes I get stuck on the fact that everything is a 20 or 30 minute drive away and that it's been hard to make friends here, but then something like this happens and I am reminded what drew hubby and I here in the first place.

I love watching a flock of wild turkeys run across the road (and have you ever seen those babies fly? FUNNY stuff!). I love seeing deer all over the place and how many people do you know have sat in the sanctuary at church and watched a young bobcat chase leaves in a empty, snowy field in the winter? I love hearing the tales of the black bears that are sighted every so often and how there is a possibility that moose are even in these parts. I love the red leaves of the sugar maples every fall and I love knowing that when I drive a couple miles away, I am getting maple syrup that came from some of my sugar maples - that I can watch boil down while munching on free maple candy. I also love taking the big acorn caps and teaching people how to whistle with them. Something my own Dad taught me as a young girl.

It's a quiet pace here. There is only one traffic light in town and it crosses a major thoroughfare that links Connecticut with Rhode Island. I love that we have a park that was donated by land owners in an adjoining neighborhood and that neighborhoods are few and far between here. In fact, most people share driveways instead to cut down on the amount of disturbance to the land. I love that the roads are only plowed once maybe twice during a snow storm and that I need a 4-wheel drive vehicle to get around in the winter. I think the biggest surprise about living here is the fact that when hubby and I got home from New Hampshire this past vacation, we didn't feel the same "scenery let down" as we did when we lived in our old house/town.

I'm thankful for my almost 2.5 acres of land. I'm thankful that I can have a garden and fruit trees. I'm thankful that I've finally made some friends in this small town of just over 4000 people. This is where I belong.

A list

What I bought while in New Hampshire this weekend:

1. Bakugan
2. Pokemon
3. Talking Dora doll - Swiper, NO swiping
4. cords for the middle boys - did I mention I didn't pay more than $11 for any pair of pants for the youngest three boys?
5. jeans for the middle boys
6. jeans for the youngest boy
7. rugby shirts for the middle boys ($4.99 at Gymboree! STEAL!)
8. waffle weave shirts for the middle boys
9. yoga pants for naughty girl
10. long sleeve t's for naughty girl
11. black dress pants for me (reunion)
12. red & white printed shirt for me (reunion)
13. pointy toe black leather boots (reunion) - did I mention they were $70 and I got them for $25? Go me! Besides the $4.99 rugbys for the boys, my best deal of the weekend. :)
14. soft, furry purple bathrobe for Bec
15. Bali hipster undies for Bec & me (these are the BEST undies hands down...I bought one pair last year and they still look & feel brand new!)
16. nightshirt for me (half price because of the bathrobe purchase)
17. full zippered fleece lined hoodie for the jolly green giant's son
18. nike drawstring backpack for said son
19. Kleen Canteen for said son, again
20. pink nalgene
21. purple nalgene (what? a girl can never have enough nalgene)
22. tanks for Bec
23. 10 redlined items for $10 at Claire's - oh a bevy of different things. Mostly for Bec & my niece Olivia
24. Tinkerbell key chain for yours truly
25. Dora necklace & bracelet for naughty girl
26. fleece nightgowns for naughty girl
27. fleece pj's for youngest boy
28. new rain boots (same as ones purchased in Wrentham) for boy mentioned above
29. cool worker guy boots for same boy
30. Harry & David food stuff...for me...and for the reunion. but mostly for me, err, I mean the family
31. Lindt truffles. 2 bags. One for the reunion...one for me - I shared...promise
32. jeans for Bec
33. jeans for Jerm
34. unPetroleum chapstick in vanilla for me
35. I Make Boys Cry chapstick for Bec
36. long sleeve red t-shirt for hubby...in a large tall...Thank you Eddie Bauer for helping me clothe the jolly green giant & his son.
37. $9 pants for me, me, me...Again, thank you to Eddie Bauer & their clearance rack
38. hair clips for naughty girl (anyone who shopped with me before knows that I feel you can never have too many hair doodads for your daughter)
39. flip flops for the youngest 3 boys for next summer...for 1.99 a pair (of course, I was told that bright orange flip flops are a girl color and I've argued that they aren't. I may have a pair of bright orange flip flops next year :oP)
40. a very nice crudites tray
41. green plaid shorts for middle boys
42. Mario Bros. figurines - one for each of the youngest boys - Mario for Thomas, Yoshi for Daniel & Luigi for David
43. A Bob the Builder costume that Bec picked out in a size way too small for David - but the hard hat hasn't come off his head since he got it. Good thing we have a tool belt & a flannel shirt. We're all set for Bob & Halloween
44. a clearance black wrought iron towel holder missing its screws ($4.95)...I plan on attaching it to a piece of wood painted black for a base and putting paper towels on it for the downstairs bathroom. We don't use hand towels in there during the winter to cut down on germ spreading...it helps a ton!

Since coming home I've also gone shopping for hubby's reunion outfit. Hit Kohl's last night and got him a killer new pair of dress slacks for $7, a red crew neck sweater and a striped button down to go under it. Also hit Christmas Tree Shops for 4 wicker baskets (which came with chocolate brown cotton liners for $2.99 each), water crackers, Starbucks truffles and some small square dipping bowls in fall colors (all for the reunion baskets I was in charge of making).

I think I'm done shopping for awhile...well until December anyway ;)

Naughty little girls

Emma is a naughty little girl.



There. I said it.



Why is she a naughty little girl you ask? (or even if you don't, I'm going to tell you anyway!)



Her mommy (me) fixes her a delicious breakfast of Multi-grain cheerios and milk. She sits in Daniel's chair because I think she's finally learned that if she sits in her booster, she can't get out until I get her out. She's a smart cookie that way. Then I grab the hamper with the dirty laundry in it and started my daily routine of picking up yesterday's clothing from every imaginable room in the house and head down to the basement to start a load or five. She even says "Bye Mommy!!!" when she hears the familiar tromp down the basement stairs.
Showing me she is done w/breakfast


While I am down switching from washer to dryer and starting another load and folding the one that just came out of the dryer, I start to obsess about how David has only 4 pairs of pants. It's cold. I must've saved some kind of pants from Thomas & Daniel. Where did I put them? So begins the search through the various rubber bins and boxes looking for size 6 slim pants. Well, of course, I found shirts....sweatshirts, t-shirts, long sleeve shirts, polo shirts....And shorts too...and maybe 2 or 3 pairs of pants that might fit. And I didn't just find things for David...no. I searched for things for Daniel & Thomas as well. Size 10 slim...or at least 10's w/an adjustable waist. Did I mention that Jeremy must've had 14 million pairs of size 12's? Because I found all of them. Alas, no 10's. :( I found pj's and hoodies and polos for the middle ones. Ah, this is very good. This cuts down on the amount of clothing I will have to buy next weekend in North Conway on our annual girls' only shopping trip - however, I will still have to buy David & Thomas & Daniel some pants. :oP



I should mention through all of this, I hear Emma. I hear her paddling around upstairs. She comes to the cellar door and tells me she is done with her delicious & nutritious multi grain cheerios. She shuts the cellar door after I tell her that I'm just doing some laundry. "Ok mommy!" I hear her in teasing the poor pups who are captive in their kennels. When I say tease, I mean she just talks to them and tells them how much she loves them, but they want to be outside at this point and seeing a human means outside must be near. Unfortunately for them, Emma hasn't mastered unlocking the kennel doors.



I sort the clothes into the various piles on the basement floor and I grab the middle boys' basket so that I can head up to their room and start switching from t-shirts & shorts to long pants and turtlenecks. I get to the top of the stairs and what is staring at me? A naughty little girl who is now covered in RED magic marker. I ask (ok yell) "Where did you get that marker, Emma?!" And how does my naughty little girl answer me? She says "Because." I follow the trail into Jeremy's room (where the dog kennels are) and I believe that she has actually tried to write on Guinness as well. She tells me "Guinness good dog." I see the red Crayola marker with the cap off. My mind thinks...could this be a washable marker...oh please lord, let it be. No. Such. Luck.
Would I kid you? Covered in marker!


So my naughty little girl is in the tub. And the water is pink. And the marker isn't all off even though I've scrubbed her numerous times with a washcloth soaked with Lever 2000. Hmmmm. Hubby tells me that these times are short and when Emma is older I am going to look back fondly on these times and wish I could relive them. I know he is right because I have an almost 17 year old, but it just doesn't seem possible when I look at Emma covered in marker.

The water was pinkish white as she pulled the

bar of soap in. (Please don't mind the ugly iron

ring around the tub...our well water is awful if

we don't keep the salt in the softening system.)

I know God sent me Emma and I am so thankful. But I also know that God was trying to get a message to me. No more. ;) God - if you're listening - I agree!

A good soaking took care of the rest!


Clean & ready for more mischief!

Another long weekend...

And it's over!

P.'s wake/celebration of life was on Friday evening and Bec and I made the hour trip to Agawam to attend. There were very few families from our town in attendance, but I was SO glad we went. There was a beautiful slide show of P.'s life that had us laughing one minute and crying the next. The mic was opened for people to share stories of how P. touched their lives and that was the true testament to his life. One of P.'s sons finished up the open mic with a story that had us rolling in the aisles and I think P. would have loved what transpired in that church fellowship hall. The one thought that I found most interesting was that while I had only known P. for just over 3 years, I had seen the things in him that other's whom had known him far longer did. I've already blogged about the things I admired about him and it was good to know that others felt the same. Sometimes I wonder if I am a good judge of character as I tend to see good in people that others may not like.

Saturday was P.'s memorial service. All 8 of us attended and sat as a family. There were folks standing in our church because there weren't enough seats. We arrived about 15 minutes before the service started and had to sit on folding chairs in front of the choir loft (which is located in the back of the altar). Em sat on my lap and David sat on hubby's. At one point, I almost cried because Em was SO loud and she chatters almost non-stop and here we were in full view of over 100 people. I haven't ever seen the church as full as it was on Saturday. David on the other hand was perfect. Seriously. We had comments from SO many people - most of whom we had never seen before in our life. He sat through a 3+ hour service without so much as a peep. I ended up taking Em out during the new P.'s sermon which ended up being about 25 minutes before the service actually ended. She did get better about whispering during the service and in the few times I cried, she would pat my head/face, kiss me and ask me if I was all better. Very sweet.

After P.'s memorial, we headed to a friend's house for a party. She graduated with Chris and her cousin graduated with me. She is 41 and is leaving for Iraq in January to continue working as a helicopter mechanic. She is a tough cookie and had a VERY tough life during and for the few years after high school. It is so good to see her happy and not worried about money, etc. Not everyone gets through her tough exterior, especially other women, but for some reason she has always been fond of me and I am nothing, but fond of her. It was nice just hanging out for a bit, eating some yummy food and enjoying good company.

After the party at L.'s house, we came home and got ready to head to a dinner party in Auburn. I have to admit I was a bit worried whether everyone would mesh - especially the guys. Chris generally gets along with everyone so that helped ease my fears. It was FABULOUS! Lots of laughs with special friends and the guys seemed to hit it off just fine. Maybe they'll become internet freaks, eh, I mean internet friends! :)))))))) We didn't get home from Auburn until 2am. I hope we didn't overstay our welcome!

Yesterday was my first day teaching the youth at church. Did I mention what time I arrived home the night, er morning, before? It was tough getting up and getting out, but I made it on time and while I wasn't totally prepared for my class (I really just wanted to get to know some of the kids I'm not close to), it went well. It was also communion Sunday and I really needed that. Funny story...One of the elders (Susan) brought the kids up for a story time/kids ministry. As they sat down on the altar steps, she asked if they all knew that P. had died. Everyone did. She asked where they thought P. was. Well, my brilliant Thomas raised his hand and said "He's at Yale!". The WHOLE congregation laughed their butts off. P.'s body is indeed at Yale as he's donated his body to them for research, but that wasn't quite the answer that Susan wanted. Eventually they did get the right answer. ;)

After church, I came home and napped. We had planned to go apple picking, but for some reason every Sunday has been rainy. And cold. Chris and I took the middle boys and headed to the grocery store around 5pm since neither of us was motivated to head to Sam's earlier in the day. I made a pasta, spinach & tomato w/gorgonzola recipe I found in Cooking Light along with a salad & reduced fat crescent rolls. I had some honey butter in the 'fridge left from Bec's birthday dinner to go with everything. Kid's didn't like the spinach, but I thought it was very good and so did Bec & hubby. We had an extra kiddo for dinner. P's youngest daughter has always liked to come hang out with us and I figure some things shouldn't change.

Looking forward to a quiet week and long weekend (public school kiddos have Mon. & Tues. off). Unfortunately the weekend itself will be crazy with family stuff, but it's all good. Maybe the weather will cooperate and we'll be able to apple pick THIS weekend...lol

Yesterday (9-29-2008)

My heart hurts, but I'm glad the dreaded waiting/suffering is over. P. passed yesterday morning with his family around him. It makes me so sad to think that this man, minister, who touched my heart and made me laugh with his cracks about how I look like Becca's cousin and not her mother will never stand on the altar and preach at church again. How he used to say he wished he could have pink hair (he was partially bald and then fully bald after cancer treatments). How he was the first minister I was able to know as just a normal person before I attended the church he preached at. I wish I had gone sooner really. I missed a lot of down to earth, REAL sermons. Ones that didn't put me to sleep or wish I had stayed in bed that morning. My fear of hating it and not feeling comfortable enough to stop going kept me from experiencing something good.

It's funny. I remember speaking to him during a First Friday Family Fun Night (which sadly ended when a child pulled a knife out - shame too because we had what seemed like every kid/teen in town here to play laser tag once a month & bingo indoors for anyone who wanted to play). I was explaining to him the bad experience we had at our last church and flat out told him that hubby hated "pushy pastors". I look back now and think how bold I was to say such a thing, but I really think P. appreciated the candor. He chuckled and thanked me for the info and he never pushed. He and Chris talked frequently on Sundays or Wednesdays and there was nothing, but a mutual respect.

I don't think P. was perfect and I know from different conversations that he often got backs up of long time members and a few people left because of him, but I do think he was true to what he believed which in my mind deserves respect. In a world that seems wishy washy at best sometimes, I can appreciate someone sticking their ground when it isn't always the popular opinion. I also think he was honestly humble which probably is the reason why I was drawn to him.

Oddly enough, P. passed on what was my Mom's 75th birthday. Davey, Em and I took a chocolate cake w/choc. frosting over for her after lunch yesterday and spent most of the afternoon there. My Mom has Alzheimer's although she won't call it that. She says she has "dimention" - not dementia. hahaha Kinda funny when she makes up words like that.

She also takes care of her 87 yo husband who is in ill health. She doesn't eat right, she doesn't sleep right and he is still in charge of their purse strings. Case in point, she needs a new stove. The oven works ok, but two burners are out and don't work. I told her that I'd be happy to take her to get a new stove yesterday and he tells her "No, we're not in a rush.". "Everything is fine." Of course it is, dickhead...you don't have to cook so why should you care. What an F-ing jerk. What makes this even more ironic is that she left my father because he was controlling and abusive. She went from the frying pan into the fire in so many ways. We won't even speak about his bitching that her excelon costs almost 200 dollars every time she gets it filled (excelon is for early/mid dementia & there is no generic form). I don't think he realizes that if something happens to her, he is FUCKED. He won't let any help in (housekeeping, etc.) unless it is family and my mother is allowing the life to be sucked from her because she won't challenge him. It is a truly mind boggling situation and one that makes me HATE visits there.

Anyway, my mother was very emotional most of the the time we were there. She cried when I left while thanking me for taking her to the grocery store. I mean, how awful is that? I've told her a billion & one times that I will drop whatever I am doing and drive the 40 plus minutes to her house if she needs me, but she never asks. And you know I'm such a shitty daughter that I get caught up with the kids and Chris and life in general and don't just go there and do things that I should. I think that is another reason why I hate visiting. Because I am reminded of all the things I should be doing, but just can't seem to fit into the schedule I keep. I certainly am not a good role model of honoring my parent, am I? My children certainly aren't learning a lick of respect from me yet I know if my mother lived next door, I'd be the one there every day caring for her. It's just the act of throwing the kids into the car and driving 30 highway minutes and another 10-15 of back roads. Bad excuses...good intentions pave the way to hell....

So yesterday was another up and down day. It ended ok with a 20 year reunion meeting...It's just 4 weeks away and we were looking at old pictures. Just because I feel like sharing, here is my Kindy class picture...can you find me? Where's Di?

(second row all the way to the right - just in case you couldn't tell)

Waxing philopsophical (some major religious themes too)

My beautiful eldest daughter turned 14 yesterday. 14! Joy & bittersweet all at once. We wished her a happy birthday at 12:01am as we had friends over for dinner & drinks. We were still sitting around the dining room table when she had returned home from babysitting and there we sat when the clocks chimed the start of a new day. She truly is a beautiful soul although she is a bit air headed at times. Her best personality trait is the fact that she can't stay angry. It is easy to get her to laugh. She's like her Daddy.

It was hard getting up for church since I had stayed up long after the clock struck 1am. I was, in fact, a bit late getting over there as I had to make sure Becca's angel food cake was baked. Thankfully, everyone seemed to be running late. We started church and everything was normal except for the fact that our minister wasn't present (he's been there the last couple of weeks sitting in a front pew next to the handicap entrance). I figured it probably wasn't a good sign. Sure enough during prayer requests, D. said that she had spoken to C. that morning. C. basically has stopped working as P. is in his last days. The last week has brought what C. calls a "death watch" and C. hasn't been sleeping really. I couldn't control the tears. And it wasn't just about P. It seems there were SO many prayer requests...so many bad things happening to good people. And then I question and wonder if I am the only believer who questions "Why?". I hold on to something my friend Don told me once. God is big enough for questions. I sure hope he is right because, man, I sure have a lot of questions.

Oddly enough, the substitute minister (who was voted in as a temp after church yesterday) is named P. too & is a friend of our P. He is S. African (great accent) and is actually involved in a prison ministry. He also stutters which blows my mind every time I hear him preach because I think, "Wow. God's calling must've been huge for him to preach even with that type of speech impediment." While you notice he stutters, it isn't an issue while listening to him. Anyway, he preached about unity yesterday which was a good message, but his prayers were what got me. He prayed for P. and his family and for us as a congregation. He reminded us that even when things are so bad you can't imagine it any worse, Jesus is always there. Stand firm together in that knowledge. I think this is where having a church comes in handy. There are times that standing firm by yourself is just too much - too hard, but when you have a church family, they help lift you up - help you remember what is true & right and keep your eye on the prize.

Amid all my happiness yesterday with Becca's birthday and having hubby's Mom & Dad, sister & Nana over for dinner, my heart was still troubled. It wasn't noticed by anyone, I don't think. I don't want to say that I felt "guilty" for being happy, but I certainly wished there was a way to send happiness over to the M. Family. I wished I could have had them over and heard them laughing and enjoying themselves. I guess there really is a time to mourn and a time to laugh. I felt caught between the two. Then I wondered how complex we are that we can experience two extremes in what seemed like the same moment.

Life is good which I've reminded myself in more than one of these blog entries. We may have some bumps in the road were traveling, but nothing life shattering. I looked at David in particular this morning and thought he was the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on and thought of all the hugs & kisses he gives and has given me. Sweet, beautiful boy. Then I was angry with Thomas for not being ready on time and how he was moving like a snail when he is 9 and a half and a big boy now and should know how to have his things ready for school. Invariably, I always think after the fact that that isn't what I would want him to remember if I got hit by a bus and died today. Tempering my words is one of my biggest obstacles in this life and I truly hope that before I die I finally learn the lesson that angry words are better left unspoken. You know what is the most ironic thing to me? That the more I learn and experience in life, the more I realize that I don't know squat. Humbling for sure.

I don't think it worked :(

So that cryoablation I had done a couple months ago hasn't changed anything. In fact, things have been about the same or worse each month. I know it can take up to 6 months before knowing for sure, but I am really bummed about it.

I did some 'net surfing on the subject and came up with adenomyosis. (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/Adenomyosis/DS00636) I don't like to self diagnose, but with the 'net, it is so easy to type in a couple of key words and find something that fits. It seems like a logical answer to my particular problem. If 6 months have passed and there is no change, I think I may have to rethink the whole uterus removal. I'm just not sure if not leaving the house for 2 days each month is really worth holding on to my uterus. I mean, it isn't as if I need the darn thing, right? I'm done having children. I don't know why it is so difficult for me to fathom not having that particular apparatus in my body.

My sister had her uterus removed at the age of 27. She had 4 children in 5 years and her menses brought the same type of crap I'm dealing with. She is now in her late 40's and is definitely experiencing peri-menopause. I guess I'm thinking I don't want to bring that on any sooner than I have to, you know? It's not that I mind aging really because it hasn't affected me much. I never got upset when I turned 30 and I'm not really dreading 40 either. Age is just something that happens...it doesn't define me and never has. I just don't know.

I feel really let down right now as I had pinned all my hopes on the ablation working for me...I hate my period. Really hate it. I guess maybe it is time for me to start thinking about what options are left. Baaaah. Stinkin' dirty menstrual cycles - what use are they when you're done having children anyhow? I think there should be a switch that shuts them off as soon as you've decided enough is enough....

Happy Birthday Daniel

I cannot believe that 8 years have passed.

The morning of Daniel's birth I was awoken around 4am with some labor pains and a bloody show. Seeing how Thomas' birth went pretty quickly once my water broke, I was paying close attention. Contractions were coming every 6 minutes or so and lasting well over 90 seconds. Called the doc, the babysitter and got to the hospital around 7am. Headed into triage and was checked...5.5cm dilated. WOOOPEEEEE...no pit for me! Get into a nice LDRP room and what happens by mid morning? MY FREAKIN' LABOR STALLS! I'm practically doing cartwheels in the darn hallways and labor doesn't pick back up. Yep. Here comes the evil pit....and an epidural because I hate the evil pit. Epidural in...labor starts up again. I let epi fade just in time for transition. Goood times. I feel like pushing...but there is a lip. Nurse helps get rid of stupid lip and finally I push out a 9lb 14oz., 21 3/4" BIG shouldered (15" shoulders?) boy. Just a little tear, but I swear I pushed his TOES out. Take that! A head full of dark curly hair, a small nose...just perfect.

The first year was rough. No talking. NONE. No babbling, nothing. Angry little boy. Once Birth to 3 came in and we started weekly visits with an early childhood development teacher, things changed quickly. Once Daniel could speak, we realized he was a sponge and had soaked up SO much knowledge. He knew letters, colors, shapes, numbers. It was amazing. Once he started talking, his vocabulary grew so quickly and he was saying things like "cow poop smells disgusting" when just months before he wasn't speaking at all. School has been easy for him as far as learning goes, but in my heart of hearts, I know he has some issues with paying attention and staying on track. We've applied certain techniques in the classroom which help and his teachers have been pretty great. I truly think that Daniel is special and I'm so blessed to call him my son.

Above all, Daniel is a sensitive, sweet, funny child. He makes us all laugh on a daily basis yet is the first one to come snuggle or sneak a smooch.

This is my new 8 year old boy...Isn't he delicious?

The Best Bits of the Weekend

It was a nice weekend despite my anxiety over it. I think my favorite part was Family Day yesterday. In the three plus years we've lived here, we've never ventured out to family day. We decided to give it a try and I'm so glad we did.

First off, it is held in a park that also holds an elderly complex here in town. There is a great big green in the middle along with a fairly large gazebo. We've not attended any of the summer concerts there or really been up in the park except a quick turn around a couple of times. The parking wasn't difficult although we had to park at the Library and cross Rte. 44 which can be pretty hairy (it is a main route through CT to RI).

When we got up the drive and into the actual park, a sea of tents seemed to fill the open areas. I needed to get to the church tent as I had baked 7 dozen cookies for the Bingo they were running (food being the prize for BINGO). The church tent was parked toward the top of the green and it offered a great view of all the different tents and what was going on. I looked around amazed at the fact that I actually knew some of the faces and that virtually everything that was offered was FREE. Yes, I said FREE. The only things that required money was ice cream (which I didn't see a tent for), the Historical Society's bake sale and the Sunday Farmer's Market that was running at the same time. The burgers & dogs were provided by our volunteer fire department (cooked on site). The corn on the cob was provided by the town Republicans and the drinks (lemonade, water, iced tea) were provided by the town Democrats. The Baptist church had caramel apples & the early childhood program was giving away balloons with cool rubber rings that fit right on your wrist. There were face painters (and really GOOD ones at that), a tattoo table (the washable ones), bounce house, large inflated slide, sand table (filling little bottles with colored sand), craft table, a pretty decent band playing in the gazebo and a host of activities for the kids (wooden chariot rides, wooden stilts to try, a wooden thing with huge wheels that the had to try and drive down a narrow roped off passage in the grass). Did I mention that this was all FREE? I wish I had brought my camera. The 3 little boys had a ball!

The other good part about this weekend? The time I got to spend with Jerm, Bec and my niece, Jess. Jess is 18 and is the youngest daughter of hubby's eldest brother. Jess hasn't always been one to socialize with her family like her older sister, but she seems to have just BLOOMED this past year. I really think it has to do with hubby's brother ditching his bitch of an exwife and finding his new gf. His new girlfriend, H., is awesome and she and Jess have really forged a strong bond. Jess hasn't had a "normal" mother figure ever in her life and having one now has made a huge difference. Anyway, just hangin' with the teenagers was great. Everyone was laughing and getting along...it was so much fun to watch them interact.

The family party was ok - no drama. The gifts we brought for our nieces & nephews were hits and the cake was delicious! YUM! Chris and I also had some solo time with Tom on Friday night which I hope will help with that situation. It was a good last bit of summer....

Life is Randomness

Talked to C. last night at church before our Sunday school meeting. Hospice is now coming in for P. I don't think P. is quite ready to go though. He has yet to discuss anything regarding his funeral, etc. w/C. although I think I understand why. In all the people I have known who have died from a terminal illness (or someone like my nephew who was close before getting his new lungs), you have to come to a certain peace that what is actually happening to you is happening. I can only imagine the loose ends that need to be tied up and that there is some sort of acceptance that must be swallowed, bitter as it may be.

I am fully aware of what Christianity teaches regarding death, but I have to admit that being left behind is so hard regardless of what your brain says. Your heart says something different. My father will be dead two years this December and I still tear up thinking about him. I still miss him. Parents are your safety net no matter how old you are, I think. To lose them is a stark reminder of what you have become and what you have to look forward to.

On to Sunday school (I said it would be random, didn't I?).... It looks like I will be leading Jr. High/High School for the WHOLE year! I haven't been a youth leader in a very long time (since before Thomas was born). I am excited and nervous although the prep work is far less daunting than teaching the younger kiddos. In the winter months, we may even meet at my house at the dining room table. Our church has made some tough decisions regarding heating for the winter. With oil prices what they are, we cannot afford to heat the sanctuary. :( We are a very small congregation and unfortunately oil prices don't change because of this. I hope and pray that I am a well liked Youth teacher and that the kids actually get something out of it. Jr. high kids are not my favorite, but I am kind of burnt out with the littler ones so it was a good opportunity.

This Saturday is the family birthday party for all the September birthdays (there are quite a few). There has been quite a bit of family type drama going on lately which tires me just thinking about it all. I hope that things go smoothly. I have no desire for drama and hope that everyone else feels the same. I have already told myself that I am putting on a happy face and good attitude. Sometimes I feel very detached from the family because we always have done our own thing and because of prior commitments, we end up missing out on family things. In fact, because I agreed to fill in for the younger Sunday school this Sunday, we are missing out on a huge family gathering at an apple orchard. These are the times that I feel left out and not wanted. It seems changing the time is out for everyone else so we aren't included. That makes me sad, but I do understand. It just sucks nonetheless. We have tentative plans to attend our town's Family Day after church. The 3 younger boys are really excited about doing that although if Chris' brother and his girlfriend decide to stop on the way back to the Cape, that may be out as well. Chris and I are not planners by nature and things always get mucked up when we try so I guess like everything, we'll just go with the flow and what happens, happens.

Well, I s'pose I should be off...I have a cake to order (do you think they will be able to fit 8 names?), birthday gift shopping for nieces & nephews, an ortho appointment for Jerm, a color appointment (I have to be repinked) and a myriad of other things for today. Life could be better, but it's mine and because I know what other's are going through, I'll keep it. :)

Good things in my life...

It was a horrible morning. I woke up late for church and ended up being late to church even though it is right next door. P. did make it to church this morning. He is VERY weak and my heart is breaking for him and his family. It was a good service although there wasn't a sermon. The winds of change are certainly a-blowing and well, if you know me, I don't like change.

As I entered into my yard after church, hubby promptly jumped in D.'s truck and drove off to look at a job. I was irritated as he has been working from dawn 'til dark every night this past week including yesterday. I walked into the house and was greeted with the same mess I left and the fact that I had to get my red sauce cooking because I promised Daniel eggplant parm for supper tonight. There were whiny, ill behaved children involved as well. After getting my sauce together to simmer on the stove, I went to my bedroom to check FB. Tried to play some WT, but the kids were awful...seriously. I actually pumped soap into Thomas' mouth because he looked at me when I told him to do something and said "Whatever." in that awful, disrespectful way. (I don't care if he spits it out...I don't make them swallow it or anything...please don't call C&F on me, k?) I was stressed and everyone was on my last nerve.

Basically as Chris walked through the door I decided that I was leaving. I barked at him, one last time at the kids while I got my yoga pants & sneakers on and instead of driving away mad, I decided to walk. And then I jogged...and then the stress seemed to melt away like a glob of cold butter does when it hits a hot skillet. I started to feel less like a caged lioness and more like myself. I walked/jogged for about a half an hour and then hit home to see if anyone wanted to walk the blue path through the woods with me down the street (yes, the same one I took Em's stroller on the other day!) I ended up picking up Daniel, Thomas, David & Chris and so we set off for an adventure down the dirt road, through the wooded path and then back up our road. The boys had a great time even though the rain we've had has turned the wooded path into a little stream in a few places and that the little stream has turned into a raging brook. Wet, but fun.

And it dawned on me as I walked back to the house that I have so many GOOD things in my life. I thought maybe I could list a few of them just to remind myself....they are in no particular order.

1. An awesomely caring, loving & HOT hubby
2. Healthy kiddos - 6 of them, even!
3. A comfortable home with relatively nice things
4. A solid extended family
5. New found girlfriends who always seem to lift me up if I fall
6. My brain...it works...and someday I know it will be full of soil science
7. My computer & the fact that I am able to keep in touch with those far away
8. A full belly with no worries that it won't be full anytime soon
9. My relationship with God. I don't always understand, but I do understand that someday I'll know the reason why for everything I don't understand. Trust & obey.
10. The fact that I am able to exercise, think, breathe, be and the fact that I am able to wake up every day and am free to be the change I want to see.

What I hope to remember is that things aren't always going to be perfect, but if I look around, I am positive that someone else in my life has it harder than I do. I need to remember to give thanks for the blessings that I see each and every day and focus on those instead of the little rough patches that pop up here and there along the way.

Update

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''''lhhgtd o,p

(this apparently is Em's first foray into the blogging world....OR why I try not to walk away from the computer when Little Miss Sybil is around!)


Not much to blog today, but wanted to update on Jerm's appointment.

All the tests came back normal with two exceptions. First one being his good cholesterol is a bit on the low side (total cholesterol is wonderful) so to help that number he is supposed to exercise 30-40 minutes at least 6 days a week. The second exception was that during one of his self induced "episodes" while he was wearing the halter, his heart rate dropped about 20 points. What the cardiologist feels is that Jerm is not properly hydrated. Because he is so tall and lean, she feels that he likely underestimates the amount of fluids he needs for activity. So on top of exercising daily, he is also supposed to make sure that he's consumed at least 2 bottles of water before doing anything strenuous including gym (PE) classes.

We see her again in December where he will again be fitted with a halter and have another stress test & echo done. We are to call her if there are any issues in the mean time.

Thank you so much for all your thoughts, prayers & well wishes...I hope the increased hydration is the key. :)

I am already tired of today

It is now 11:40am. The morning has not even passed and I'm done with the day. I want to crawl back into my once warm bed, put on Pride & Prejudice (Colin Firth edition...YUMMMMMM - thanks Julie), eat comfort food and forget about what is going on outside my bedroom. Yes, that is what this morning's events have led me to - lucky girl that I am.

The day started off rather well actually. All the boys were up well before 7am and they pretty much did what they needed to do without my interference. At 7:40am I sent them out the door like every other day to wait at the end of the driveway for the bus that comes around 7:45. By 8am, there wasn't a bus and so I called the Superintendent's office and left a message. 5 minutes later I get a call back that says they are down one bus driver this morning and the kids should be picked up any minute. Oh ok...no biggie. I'm home, right? Then the phone rings again and it's the hubby telling me that he forgot his cell phone somewhere in the house, but doesn't know where and can I bring it to him. Oh ok, sure...I have to go to get a few things at the grocery store anyway. No big deal.

I get Em some oatmeal and while she eats I go do some laundry, check my email, check facebook and then my friend, A., calls. She is recently separated and going through a divorce. We don't get to "play" too much anymore as she is working many, many hours to ensure that the house (that her father built) will not be lost during said divorce. We chat a bit and I keep waiting for Becca's bus to come so Em & I can jump in the shower and get our day rolling. By 9 am I figure I probably should call the bus company and the school which is separate from the school I just called an hour earlier. Yeah, van driver has totally forgotten Bec and school starts in less than 20 minutes. Em and I are still in our pj's. We power shower and jump in the truck so we can drive Bec to school about 25 minutes away. We get within a mile of Bec's school and Em who has been whining for the last 10 minutes or so begins to vomit. Oy vey. Did I mention I didn't bring her pacifier? Did I mention that the pacifier seems to help her carsickness on car rides? She vomits 3 times and up comes her ENTIRE oatmeal w/blueberry applesauce breakfast. My poor girl is covered.

Thankfully, I've gotten slightly smarter in the last couple of months and have begun leaving a change of clothes for her in the back of the truck. We drop Bec off at the back of her school, make sure she gets into the building and park behind the DCS building. I begin to clean up my girl & her carseat all while making sure no one is trying to car jack me because here I am in a brand new vehicle with my back turned in a seemingly seedy area that I'm not familiar with. After what seemed like forever, we get back into the van and head towards home. We stop and pick up her "fire" and "key" and I realize that getting to the grocery store isn't going to happen this morning. In fact, I'll be lucky to get my hubby's phone to him and then make it back for David's pre-k bus.

When I finally get to the jobsite to drop off hubby's phone, I rolled down the window and said, "Here, don't have time to talk...." (I wasn't finished with my sentence) and instead of asking if everything was ok, hubby says instead, "I don't either." WOW. Next time pick up your own f-ing phone or better yet, take it out of your damn dirty pants and put it in your clean pants BEFORE leaving them on the floor of the basement because I certainly don't want to be carting our carsick girl all over creation just because you might miss a stupid f&^%$#g call.

So I hightailed it back home with 5 minutes to spare before Davey got off his bus - dragging. It's been a long week. Made longer by the fact that David has a cold and a runny nose. The kids have had lunch and I only can hope and pray that Em's doesn't come back up when we repeat the little car ride we've just had so we can pick Jerm & Bec up from school, hightail it home to drop off Bec & the little ones just so that I can drive like a maniac for Jerm's cardiologist consult this afternoon.

As a side note to all of these happenings this morning, my heart is deeply troubled for my minister & his family. He has been battling cancer for about 2 years now and I believe he is coming to the end of his path here on earth. He is a good man and I've enjoyed getting to know him and his family long before I ever checked out the church. They were the first to welcome us to town and immediately sought out to make us feel comfortable here. I keep wondering how they hold it together...how someone can make peace with the fact that they have to leave their children and/or spouse. I cannot imagine what either side is feeling. I want so desperately to help in some way, but I don't want to be intrusive either. My heart just hurts and while my beliefs tell me that P. will indeed see his family again and they will see him, it doesn't make it any easier to swallow.

Yeah, I'm already tired of today....

Kicking my own arse

I decided to do some "fitness walking" through the town rec department this morning. The route starts from the school, heads right down the main road, left onto a paved & then dirt road, up near my house take left and back down my road which leads back to main road & school (one big 4+ mile loop) Here's the account:

Walking stroller? check. Well, wait...it is a wet, leafy mess because the kids have left it in the middle of the yard. Damn...ok, run to the washer to at least get the pad washed. Clean leaves, dry out best as I could. Ok, now I can put it in the back of the truck and drive to the school (1.9 miles away). Oh shoot...10 minutes late...no one there...ah, ok, drive home via the walking route. Aha! There they are! Park along side of road, get stroller, get Em into stroller. We're off!

Road turns to dirt/gravel after crossing Mt. Hope River. BIG HILLLLLLLLLL. Did I mention that the hill is big? Huffing and puffing. Other two walkers WAY ahead. Hyperventililating due to heavy breathing. Stop. Breathe into my cupped hands to try and control breathing. Decide pushing 50 extra pounds in front of myself will definitely be the death of me if I continue this route. No one there to call 911 when I pass out. Decide to take the blue path trail through woods thinking it was a short cut. Big rocks, a stream and some logs & tree roots later, we emerge onto my road where my calves are filthy, my head is sweaty and no other walkers to be seen. Oh well. Not going backtracking through the wooded path. Start down road. Wishing I had my iPod. Get to Mt. Hope River on other side of loop and one of the other walkers drives up in her car. By this time, breathing is normal, Em is happy, body is still sweaty, but ok. No more big hills. Asks if I need a ride. Nope. Ok now. Finally hit main road, pass school and take a left where my beautiful, sight for sore eyes truck is parked. Even Em is happy to see it.

Drive home, take shower...debate whether I'll be doing this again...but now I know why I lost weight so fast before when I was walking with David in this stroller before I got pregnant with Emma. It's uphill both ways....

Falling off the face of the earth

Ok, so I didn't really, but it certainly feels that way!

Why did I think once the kids went back to school that FREE TIME would magically appear in my day? Granted, things are super quiet here (YAY!), but I have found that the few hours I have just Em in the mornings are spent cleaning up and tidying the house. Yesterday I even baked a pie before I even got Em out of her crib. Can I just say "THANK GOD!"?

Seriously. Looking back at summer it is so apparent to me that I was just totally overwhelmed with all the kiddos being home. Nothing ever stayed clean and truth be told, I just gave up after awhile. I mean, I still cleaned the kitchen (counters, etc.) and the bathrooms, but the floors? Nope. Bedrooms? Nope again. Living room? I would ask the kids to pick up the garbage & toys off the floor every couple of days. I'm so ashamed to admit that, but there it is. The awful truth about me & my housekeeping. Now my laundry is caught up, dinner is being made every night, the living room is picked up each and every day and I may even start getting the floors done every day like they should be. Of course, my bedroom still looks like a hurricane went through it, but mostly I just need to put away my clean clothes and keep Em's toys picked up.

On top of starting to get my little world back into control, Jerm has seen the cardiologist, had blood taken for cholesterol testing, etc., had an echo cardiogram and is scheduled for a stress test & halter tomorrow. Our consult is next Friday and I'll be updating on that situation after our meeting. Becca has started school and is picked up about 1 hour after the elementary boys. She does not get home until after 6pm which is a bit disconcerting for me, but I guess I'll get used to it. Em is growing leaps and bounds and talking SO much. Of course, it isn't ever anything nice because my awesome teens like to hear her say "Truck You" which I'm sure you can figure out how it actually comes out. Oh yes, we talk about trucks, truckers, big trucks, daddy's trucks, mama's truck at the dinner table each night. Good times. Gooooood times. It's hard not to laugh because it is rather funny in a teenage way and I'm not anything if not juvenile. :oP

So yeah, still here...still trying to get my act together and get a routine. Once that happens, I should be around more...whether that is a good thing or not, I'll let you decide. ;)

Why? - Every parent's nightmare. Or at least one of them.

Found out yesterday that a 15yo boy in Jerm's grade died of a drug overdose. He wasn't a friend of Jerm's really, but this is a small town and everyone knows everyone else. Jerm received texts, online messages and saw status updates on FB regarding this boy. From what Jerm has gathered, he and another boy from town both OD'd on amphetamines. B. died and C. apparently lived (as of this writing, I only know what Jerm's friends have shared regarding C. - B.'s obit was in the paper this morning).

My mind is a tempest over this and it has affected the hubby too. As a parent to more than one teenager, this stuff is REAL. Real & scary. I know that B's life was tough and he wasn't always the most likable kid. Jerm said that he could be a real jerk sometimes, but to know that he's gone? That is just unimaginable. I cannot for the life of me grasp what his parents must be going through. I try my hardest to put myself in those shoes and the amount of grief from just imagining it is overpowering and debilitating.

I had a chance to talk to Jerm about it alone yesterday in the truck. After he asked what would cause someone to die from an amphetamine OD, he said he thought B. & C. were so stupid and why would they do that? I tried to explain that most teenagers and young adults do not have a clear concept of their own mortality. I explained that teenagers tend to make impulsive choices. He bristled a bit at my stereotyping, but I explained that I wasn't trying to put a "bad" label on teenagers...just one that seemed to fit most. I told him that living life and growing older gives you a new perspective on things - teaches you about mortality - tends to make you more cautious. I also mentioned to him that one summer - I think it was between my Freshman & Sophomore years - a rash of teenagers died in my small town. They all had been drinking/doing drugs & driving. I had an older, out of high school friend who also happened to be a volunteer firefighter who had described to me in detail at least two of the accident scenes. Needless to say, I didn't ever drive after partying. It had hit close to home for me like I think this news of B. & C. has hit close to home for Jerm.

I don't think Jerm does drugs and I don't think he drinks on a regular basis. He doesn't really go anywhere and pretty much hangs out with his XBox 360. For all intents and purposes, the most trouble I have ever had with this eldest child of mine has been his mouthiness. He still likes to play basketball over at the church, plays school baseball and loves to throw a football around or get his friends together for a pick up football game in the snow, but I don't think he is into partying. I know for a fact that Jerm has tried marijuana (with his cousin) and he said he didn't think it was all that cool. He also got himself shitfaced drunk at home last New Year's eve while we were at a party up the street. He actually texted me to tell me at 2am. Needless to say, he hasn't over imbibed since praying to the porcelain goddess a few hours later that morning.

Honestly, by the time I was Jerm's age, I had already done all my partying as a teenager. I had already met DH and was settling down. My idea of a good time was Monopoly at my Dad's house with the hubby, my cousin & my best friend and a couple sixes of Michelob beer. Sometimes I worry Jerm's lack of partying now will resurface during college and that scares the living shit out of me. I can only hope and pray to my Heavenly Father that He keeps Jerm safe and that Jerm keeps his levelheadedness.

At some point, you realize that most of the teaching you do for your child is done in the early years and once they hit the tumultuous teen years, it is more about them finding their own footing in life and learning how to be their own adult person. That is not to say that there aren't teaching moments, but they aren't as plentiful as they were back when they were little children. Teenagers just aren't as "moldable" as little people are.

So if you pray, I ask that you pray for B.'s family and if you don't pray, please send some good thoughts/energy their way. I cannot even imagine how life goes on after something like this....

A Kid's Meme - Revisited

1. What is something mom always says to you?
D (age 4) - I don't know
D (age 7.5) - Clean your room
T (age 9) - I love you

2. What makes mom happy?
4yo - When I am being good
7.5yo - Laying in her bed
9yo - When we are behaved

3. What makes mom sad?
4yo- When I punch you
7.5 yo- When we don't like your cooking
9yo- When you and Dad fight

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
4yo - She does funny things
7.5yo - Asking me these questions
9yo - When she and Jeremy say funny jokes together

5. What was your mom like as a child?
4yo & 9yo- I dont know.
7.5yo - Sneaky.

6. How old is your mom?
4yo - 10
7.5 yo- 39
9yo - 37 or 38 - not sure

7. How tall is your mom?
4yo - 10
7.5 yo - Shorter than Becca
9yo - Not much taller than me
(Ummm, I think everyone knows I'm short now, don't they?)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
4yo - go somewhere
7.5yo- exercise
9yo - play on the computer w/friends or play kickball in the yard with the family

9. What does your mom do when you are not around?
4yo & 9yo - I don't know
7.5yo - She lays down

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
4yo - You're going to be fired if you do that.
7.5yo -Exercising
9yo - Being the best Mom

11. What is your mom really good at?
4yo - Nothing.
7.5yo - Telling us what to do.
9yo- Taking care of everyone

12. What is your mom not so good at?
4yo - I don't know
7.5yo - Making us hush up
9yo - Basketball

13. What does your mom do for her job?
4yo - Nothing
7.5yo - Taking care of the house
9yo - Taking care of us and making sure no one gets hurt

14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
4yo - Mackee-oh-nee pizza (silly giggle)
7.5yo - Lasagna
9yo - Chocolate covered strawberries

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
4yo - I don't know.
7.5yo - She's a good cook
9yo - Taking care of everyone when Dad's not around.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
4yo - Caillou or Patrick
7.5yo - Mighty Mom from Fairly Odd Parents
9yo - Pink Panther

17. What do you and your mom do together?
4yo - Go buy pizza
7.5 yo - Cook
9yo- Play kickball or catch

18. How are you and your mom the same?
4yo - I don't know
7.5yo - We both have brown hair (apparently he doesn't believe my hair is naturally pink...hahaha)
9yo - We have fun playing sports as a family

19. How are you and your mom different?
4yo - I just don't know (said in a "why are you asking these questions" type whine)
7.5yo - She is a girl & I am a boy
9yo - She likes strawberries and I don't

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
4yo - No answer
7.5yo - She cooks for me
9yo - She feeds & takes care of us and she makes sure we behave and don't get hurt


Very Interesting....

Two more things

1.) We are definitely going on vacation. We are leaving for the very northern tip of NH on Wednesday. I am excited for 4-5 days of not being here. I think the kiddos are too.

2.)Em peed on the potty before her bath today! She has been sitting backwards on the pot before her tub for months and months, but today was the day that she actually had to pee. YAY! I think maybe once the kiddos are back in school that we may try to get her PT'd. ::fingers crossed::

That is all. :)

For Rach - our weekend

I'm not sure I have a whole lot to blog about, but since you asked... ;)

Jeremy went for his barium swallow chest xray series on Thursday. We have the films in the truck waiting on the Sept. 2nd appointment w/the cardiologist. The techs never tell you anything and I really haven't pulled them all out to look at them. I did pull one out and I could see the barium gliding down his middle. YUMMMM...he loved it. NOT!

After he was done, I stopped to see hubby at the shop and then we headed to my favorite coffee shop where I treated him to a slushy coffee drink and an apple fritter. I was good and had a spinach bagel, but of course I had them put some chive cream cheese on. Oh well, it was yummy! I rested for a bit and then decided to get out and weed the garden. It was getting WAY out of hand. So after about an hour or two, I had the whole garden done and felt pretty good about it. I also was happy to see a MESS of roma tomatoes on my tomato plants. They are still green, but they were planted from seed directly into the garden and I didn't think it would work. Here in CT you are supposed to plant certain seeds indoors around February, slowly "harden them off" outside and then plant into the garden once the chance of frost is over. I'll know that for next year. ;)

Friday I woke up sore from the weeding, but I had to clean the house. It really wasn't too bad as I was pretty good about keeping it up during the week. The floors are always filthy, but that's what happens when you have 6 kids, 2 dogs and a gravel/dirt circular driveway. I tried to have the little boys clean their room, but after 3 hours and not much progress, I sent them outside to play. I get very frustrated with them and I think that once school starts I will have to go in there and overhaul the room myself. They just don't take care of anything and I'm not sure how to go about getting them to understand that they have to. Sometimes I think that having so many things makes them unappreciative, but even when we've taken just about everything away, they still don't care. Sigh.

Saturday started early. I had to get to Sams Club as we were out of EVERYTHING. You know it is bad when only the 4lbs of pretzels are left in the snack closet. I woke Becca up at 6:40am and we were out of the house before 7am. Took us about 2 hours at Sams from start to check out and $916 later, we were out the door. I texted hubby the amount as I always pay with a business check. This is what my text said, verbatim: "Don't shit a brick. 915.46 for Sams" I told Becca that I was glad I didn't have to tell him that in person! He did eventually text me back and then call me. I told him to shit gold bricks if he had to because then we could pay for all the food the kids eat. Thankfully I got a chuckle out of him. :)

After getting all the food put away and finagling all the frozen goods into the freezer, I decided to use the treadmill since I hadn't been to the gym since Wednesday. I got an hour in, but of course not without 4 or 5 interruptions from the kiddos. That is why I prefer the gym, I think. I can focus on just the exercise and nothing else.

After my shower, I decided to wash the truck. David helped. I had to remind myself that he was 4 quite a few times, but I never yelled or got uptight and was proud of myself because he really had fun doing it and asked if we could wash the truck every day. Go Mommy :)

Chris pretty much worked ALL day. He is working on a new business venture with someone. I really hope it all pans out because it will mean good money for all parties involved without the back breaking labor he is used to. He is in the beginning stages and still working on the product development, but the small product sample they showed me on Saturday late afternoon was VERY promising. I pray that God will make their paths straight if it is meant to be.

After we sat down and ate dinner, I pretty much went to bed. Unfortunately, all the weeding, truck washing & the treadmill workout made a sore spot ALL over me and I couldn't sleep even though I was SOOOO tired. I ended up taking a couple advil and a couple of benedryl. I soon was feeling warm & fuzzy and went to sleep.

Sunday I woke up feeling like my head was in a fog. I couldn't think straight and felt awful. I didn't even go to church even though I had planned to. I tried drinking my coffee and had some breakfast. Still no change. I took a shower and hubby and I went for a ride. I just felt like I was carrying around a ton of bricks all day and by the time we came home from our ride, I laid down and took a nap. I awoke around 5 and hubby and the kids were shucking the corn for supper. I found the lobster pot for the corn, sliced up some fresh garden tomatoes (our neighbor is overrun with tomatoes & I happily helped him out by taking a bunch) and hubby grilled. I felt so much better.

After supper I cleaned up the (Sundays are my only clean up night) and then met hubby and the other children next door at the church for some basketball. We were joined by the niece of our across the street neighbors. She is visiting for a few weeks from Germany and is 16. We played guys against the girls (Chris & Jerm against Bec, T & I). The girls kicked butt, but of course, I cheated and that's ok because I was at least 2 feet shorter than everyone else. I also bowed out a few minutes early as Davey & Em were covered with dirt from head to toe. After I got them bathed & settled in bed, I headed across the street and visited with the neighbors in front of their bonfire. They are such nice couple and I'm so glad they moved in. L. (the male half of the couple) has promised to try and get Jerm out of his shell and help him with his German homework. He's a really neat guy (was a carpenter back in Germany and is a computer programmer here) and I know Jerm would enjoy hanging out with him. He mentioned maybe riding together (L. likes to bike it) and I told him if Jerm gets the all clear from the cardiologist in a few weeks, that would be cool.

So that was my totally boring weekend.

I am hoping that the next time I blog, it will be to tell you about our vacation. Fingers crossed that hubby is able to ditch work for the last half of the week so that we can head to NH. I just need to get out of here in a bad way and NH always soothes my soul.