Life is Randomness

Talked to C. last night at church before our Sunday school meeting. Hospice is now coming in for P. I don't think P. is quite ready to go though. He has yet to discuss anything regarding his funeral, etc. w/C. although I think I understand why. In all the people I have known who have died from a terminal illness (or someone like my nephew who was close before getting his new lungs), you have to come to a certain peace that what is actually happening to you is happening. I can only imagine the loose ends that need to be tied up and that there is some sort of acceptance that must be swallowed, bitter as it may be.

I am fully aware of what Christianity teaches regarding death, but I have to admit that being left behind is so hard regardless of what your brain says. Your heart says something different. My father will be dead two years this December and I still tear up thinking about him. I still miss him. Parents are your safety net no matter how old you are, I think. To lose them is a stark reminder of what you have become and what you have to look forward to.

On to Sunday school (I said it would be random, didn't I?).... It looks like I will be leading Jr. High/High School for the WHOLE year! I haven't been a youth leader in a very long time (since before Thomas was born). I am excited and nervous although the prep work is far less daunting than teaching the younger kiddos. In the winter months, we may even meet at my house at the dining room table. Our church has made some tough decisions regarding heating for the winter. With oil prices what they are, we cannot afford to heat the sanctuary. :( We are a very small congregation and unfortunately oil prices don't change because of this. I hope and pray that I am a well liked Youth teacher and that the kids actually get something out of it. Jr. high kids are not my favorite, but I am kind of burnt out with the littler ones so it was a good opportunity.

This Saturday is the family birthday party for all the September birthdays (there are quite a few). There has been quite a bit of family type drama going on lately which tires me just thinking about it all. I hope that things go smoothly. I have no desire for drama and hope that everyone else feels the same. I have already told myself that I am putting on a happy face and good attitude. Sometimes I feel very detached from the family because we always have done our own thing and because of prior commitments, we end up missing out on family things. In fact, because I agreed to fill in for the younger Sunday school this Sunday, we are missing out on a huge family gathering at an apple orchard. These are the times that I feel left out and not wanted. It seems changing the time is out for everyone else so we aren't included. That makes me sad, but I do understand. It just sucks nonetheless. We have tentative plans to attend our town's Family Day after church. The 3 younger boys are really excited about doing that although if Chris' brother and his girlfriend decide to stop on the way back to the Cape, that may be out as well. Chris and I are not planners by nature and things always get mucked up when we try so I guess like everything, we'll just go with the flow and what happens, happens.

Well, I s'pose I should be off...I have a cake to order (do you think they will be able to fit 8 names?), birthday gift shopping for nieces & nephews, an ortho appointment for Jerm, a color appointment (I have to be repinked) and a myriad of other things for today. Life could be better, but it's mine and because I know what other's are going through, I'll keep it. :)