Taking a page from Julie's blog

Goals.

My first goal is to change my lifestyle. I need to make exercise a regular part of my routine. EVERY day. I'm not too shabby with the eating part although I know I have to control my portions. I've decided not to do P90X right now because honestly, it makes me feel like a failure and I want to feel good about my exercise right now. I've decided to use my treadmill & some pilates DVDs I have. I'll do the treadmill one day and the DVDs the next. So far I'm at 2 days of exercise and feeling a bit timid about sharing lest I should fail again, but I also am trying to stay in the mindset that each day is new and I can start each day as it were the first.

Anyway, in the last week I have noticed that my abs are absolutely shot (well, I knew it, but I didn't realize it was SO bad). I also get pretty painful muscle spasms there if I am not careful. I have complained about things twisting around and going numb in my ab area since carrying Thomas or Daniel, but neither of my OBs (original or current) seem to be worried about it. It isn't getting better though so I am wondering if I should push a bit harder. Truth be told, I would be thrilled to get some "reconstructive" surgery done on my tummy. Does this make me vain? Gah. I hate vain people, but I also would love a nice tummy. I know where Em gets the whole Sybil thing from...bwaahaahaahaa ;)

My second goal is to broaden my garden (bigger & more variety) which will take some studying on my part. We do the garden from seed because it is cheap, but it also makes things a bit harder. I have a black thumb and that hasn't changed for any indoor plants (seriously - I've killed a cactus!), but for some reason, I seem to be able to pull off a garden. I love weeding which probably helps. I think that my garden is another "quiet" place for me...no one bothers me there - just like the laundry area. :)

My last goal is to stop my yelling that seems to happen every morning & help my boys be more responsible about getting themselves ready for school. I have started not getting up with them (although I am awake in bed) and so far they've done ok. I have to remember to set David's clothes out the night before and I have to help him learn to get his own snack at night, but other than that, there really isn't any need for me to be up micro managing what they are doing. They can get breakfast on their own, dress, brush their teeth & hair, pack their backpacks and watch for the bus. I know the two middle boys are more than capable and David isn't far behind although he still needs help with getting breakfast.

I know there are many Moms out there who probably think I'm making them grow up too fast, but I don't see it like that. In our larger family, everyone needs to take a certain responsibility for themselves. I guess I look at it as learning life skills sooner rather than later. The more responsible they are the better and practice makes perfect. And lest I should come off as a lazy, good for nothing Mom, I do get up before the bus comes and I make sure they know I love them & wish them a good day before they walk out the door. Trust me - much more preferable than the drill instructor type yelling that was going on.

I think I overdid it and other ramblings

I woke up with a pretty sore shin this morning. I had been so excited that my periods of jogging were getting longer (the cardio is so easy to see progress) and faster (was up to 4.5 mph) that I didn't pay much attention to my shins when they were tightening up. If you run harder, they feel better...

I know I get shin splints from walking and I definitely get them from running. Doesn't matter if I am on the road or the treadmill, but I pushed myself anyway. You know why? Because it burns more calories than the "easier on my body", much preferred, elliptical machine. :( While my main concern is/was my blood pressure, I wanted to magically lose 10lbs in my first week. I know, I know....so ridiculously unattainable. I'm trying really hard not to set those unattainable goals because I really think that is what sets me up for failure each time I've tried to do this before. I am trying to focus on overall health and let that weight issue fall where it may, but it sucks. It really sucks. I want my clothes to fit. I want to put away those clothes that I've had to buy in the last 4 years and wear the clothes that I wore before I got pregnant with David.

While my body was not as thin & lithe before I had David as it was after having Jeremy & Rebecca, it was within a healthy weight for my age and I felt good about it. That is a pretty magical feeling...being comfortable in your own skin. I think that was probably one of the only times in my life that I felt confident in myself. It showed on the inside & the outside. I was so happy. Chris and I had discussed being done having kids and I was ok with it. I had AFs that came every 28 days and I knew when I ovulated every month. Everything was organized & spot on in life. And then...then one month my AF was late. I took a test and sure enough, David was on his way. Funny how life changes so quickly.

So anyway, I'm trying hard not to put ridiculously unattainable goals on myself. Slow and steady...slow and steady. That must become my new mantra. It is easy to say, but oh so hard to follow.