Yeah - this sucks.

I am angry. Mama claws are out - beware.

J's girlfriend is on vacation. J hadn't heard from her in a couple of days despite texting her. J asked a mutual guy friend if he had heard from her because he was worried. Turns out, he had. They were texting just fine. J's girlfriend then ripped him a new asshole because she is angry with him for who knows what (seriously, he said he asked her why she was being so bitchy to him the other night and that is why she didn't text him?) AND for asking D whether he had heard from her. She also took off her signature on her texts that said she loved J. My 17yo son cried the whole way home from his grandparents last night. When I realized he was crying, I asked him what was wrong and he handed me his cell phone to read all the texting back and forth. He told her he was just going to kill himself. OMG!

I am at a loss. My son is getting his heart broken and I feel so badly. Yet, the whole killing myself thing made me angry with him too. When we got home I hugged him while he sobbed on my shoulder. For those that know me, I am just over 5 feet tall. He is over 6 feet tall. Hard to hug without a chair or something to boost me up. Anyway, so there we stood at the back of the truck in the driveway at 9pm. I told him that everything would be ok, but texting was not a good way to communicate emotions. Nothing that was so important should be done in writing, but in person or at the very least over a phone. I also told him that NO ONE was worth taking your life for and to even think that was selfish to all the people who love and care about him. I even told him that God had a plan for him. I told him that if he ever did that to think about how awful his family and friends would feel and that only cowards do that. I think he knows it deep down. What I see is that he is trying to hold on to someone that doesn't want to be held on to. I've told him that he should start hanging out with his old friends from our old town. Re-acquaint himself with them. Making friends with people you used to know is much easier than making friends with new people. I went as far as sending a private message to his best friend on FB this morning. This is a boy we've known since they were in 3yo preschool together. He is my other son. I know he'll include him because I asked and because he is his best friend. I feel a bit badly for going behind my son's back, but not terribly.

I honestly do not know how I will be able to treat A. nicely should she and J. stay together. I've read her texts. She was so bitchy & downright MEAN. I keep telling myself that it is immaturity. That she just doesn't get it because she is so young. I hate the freakin' drama of it all. I try to think back to when Chris and I got together and I'm almost positive that there was drama like this, but I don't remember being so mean. I know I was stubborn as a bull (still am), but the mean stuff I just don't get (even though I am a "mean girl"). If you love someone, you want to treat them like you do, don't you?

So yeah, my heart is heavy this morning. I am not prepared for this stuff. I would take years of infanthood & childhood over this teenager almost grown up thing. This stuff stinks BIG TIME. :(