Borrowing a page from my friend, Julie

So my friend, Julie, is turning 40 this year and she wrote this super cool letter of sorts. It was made up of the things that she wished she could have told herself beforehand in her 30's. I thought it was a neat idea and because I also am turning 40 in just two short months, I figured I'd borrow her idea. So without further adieu, here is my version.



Dear me of 1998/1999,

You will finally get that baby you've been praying for. Oddly enough after you miscarried for the 2nd time and had finally found peace with both miscarriages up at Gordon College during a Christian youth weekend trip, you were already pregnant. You didn't have to hold your breath on this one. This will be the shortest labor you will have AND you will do it drug free proving to yourself that you are more than capable. Oh and please don't forget about Bec. She may seem like a big girl once you bring the baby home, but she isn't. It will take you YEARS to fix this and more importantly, forgive yourself.

Dear me of 2000,

I know you are angry with your Dad and the fact that he is losing his mind. Forgive him and enjoy every minute with him. Once he moves to FL, you will only see him maybe 2 times per year. And he will never be better. It will only get worse.

Oh yes a surprise baby too. It's so hard to have them close in age plus have two in school, but you'll get through it. That job that you take at the mall will give you your confidence back as well. You will finally start to feel comfortable in your own skin and losing that weight will help. Oh and don't start smoking again...when you quit, it will be harder than any of the other times.

Dear me of 2001,

On that clear blue September day, everything will change. Everything. You will watch way too much TV for days and days and see the terror and it will change you. It will make you question why about so many things, but keep on keeping on. Hugs your kids tight and be grateful...every single day.

Dear me of 2002,

This is a good year. A happy marriage. Lots of friends. Enjoy every single minute. Really.

Dear me of 2003,

A positive pregnancy test. You don't know how that happened? The more precise question will be "WHEN?". This pregnancy and delivery will NOT be easy for you. I'm glad you are enjoying going out as a family with four children because things will change this time around. Put your big girl panties on because you're going to need them.

Enjoy your trip to Cali. Your nephew, although very sick, will eventually get his double lung transplant and he will be honored that you are naming the baby after him.


Dear me of 2004,

This new baby that was born on the last day of 2003 will not sleep. He will nurse constantly. He will scream like no other. He will smile, but for the most part, he will be miserable and so will you until you accept him for who he is. The quicker you do that, the easier it will be and you won't resent him anymore. I promise that huge changes will occur eventually and you will love him like no other. Oh and good job for not forgetting that the 4 year old at home needs you too. You're learning.

Dear me of 2005,

Your house is growing too small. The market is fat. You will sell the house. It will go at full asking price. You will find the perfect house and all your outstanding debt will be paid. You will also have a large chunk leftover. Don't spend all it. Put it away. A few years from now when the economy crashes, you'll be wishing you did.

You will say goodbye to your favorite Aunt this year from cancer. You will not get a chance to say goodbye like you want to. She will die before you get to her house that day. Remember to live your life in the same manner she did. Forgiveness will set you free.


Dear me of 2006,

Another baby - this time planned. You will get through the constant migraine that you go to bed with and wake up with for months on end. The blindness in one eye will go away as soon as your hormones stabilize. Forgive your husband for not understanding that when you said you needed help, you really did. He didn't realize how bad things were. You are strong and will get through all the bumps that come with the pregnancy, delivery & afterward. Just keep your chin up.

Dear me of 2007,

Losing your Dad will be the hardest thing you have ever had to go through. You will be ok until his body leaves the church for the cemetery and the bagpipes start playing. Let it out. It's ok. You will also learn that your elderly neighbor in your old neighborhood has died and you've missed the funeral (for which was for invited people only). Loss is awful. You'll get through it. You'll do it one day at a time.

Dear me of 2008,

You will make friends with a gang of girls. In fact, two gangs of girls. This time it will be different. This time you can trust in their friendship. They will be the best cheerleaders that you've ever had and they will tell you like it is when you need to hear it. This is the year that you will start seeing your worth...it is a long journey, but at least you will be on the right path.



Dear me of 2009,

You have girlfriends, a strong marriage & an awesome family...good thing. Financial troubles are about to rear their ugly head again and the support they give will get you through this year. One friend in particular will become someone that you confide in most. You will also lose someone you thought was a friend. It's ok. While you feel duped, cutting them out of your life won't be as painful as you thought because that person didn't care anyway.

Call your mother. No. Really. She has Alzheimers. You will beat yourself up if you don't.

Oh and one more thing...parenting Jerm won't get any easier once he turns 18. In fact, it will get harder. Although you think you've cut those apron strings, you tied yourself to him with something else. Letting go is hard, but necessary. He's a good kid.



Dear me of 2010,

Be ready for anything. The kids will always keep you guessing. You will always have to work on your marriage although there will be lulls so you can catch your breath. Again...call your mother. What are you waiting for?!

Mostly, keep the positive attitude about being 40. After all, it's just a number.