Reduced to tears

Today did not start off too well. I awoke around 5:20am and I was having trouble breathing. I was whistling when I wasn't trying to. I almost gave in and went down to take a nebulizer treatment since we have pulmicort & albuteral on hand from when Daniel was really sick. I decided that today was the day I was going to find a new doctor that took my insurance.

So I ask hubby to take Bec for her dental appointment and I check the internet to see what doctors take our insurance. First you need to know that we qualify for & use HUSKY which is a state insurance program. We've NEVER had an issue with the pediatrician, my GP or the OB/Gyn on this insurance. We also do not use any other state help. We've never used WIC or food stamps or energy assistance. NOTHING. About 6 months or so ago, I received a notice that I had to change insurance companies (the state was removing our particular company from the list). So I changed to a new company. I looked to make sure our pediatrician was listed. He was. I looked to see if my OB/Gyn was listed. She was. I didn't check to make sure my GP was listed because well, I only go if I am sick or something. He is not. So now you can see my dilemma.

In December, after feeling ill for almost a month, I broke down and went to a local walk in clinic that was listed as accepting our insurance. When I got there, I found that they *can* accept it, but they don't. What?! How can you do that? Oh well, paid my $120 (up front I might add - they don't accept checks. Cash or CC only) just to find out that there was nothing wrong with me. GREAT. So I started taking Benedryl each night and finally I started to feel better. Then I started coughing. It's been going on since sometime shortly after Christmas. I take Benedryl every evening. I've been running the humidifier next to my bed. I've been blowing my nose and dealing with it the best I can. Last Friday I even drank margaritas because tequila is good for a cold (grin...it really is...really). As of this morning, I figured maybe I should see a doctor because I don't think I'm supposed to whistle while I breathe. So I started my quest....

I called an office in the town I grew up in. I ask "Are you accepting new patients?". The woman on the other end asks "What is your insurance?" So I tell her. She asks me what town I live in. I tell her. She says "Sorry, no we're not." The tears start to flow because once they ask what your insurance is, the tone automatically changes. Once they realize you are "some scumbag on state insurance" things change. So I mentally prep myself to make another call. This doctor's office actually shares the space with my pediatrician. I ask the question. The woman at the other end asks if this is "state insurance". I give her the answer. Another big fat no. More tears & anger & frustration. I wonder why no one takes new patients with state insurance. I mean, can't they list that online? So I call the insurance company. But of course you know I can only leave a message for "member services". No one will actually help me find someone who will take my insurance at this time.

So feeling even worse now, I call my GP's who I haven't seen in over 2 years (was pregnant with Em at the time & thought my headaches were sinus related...hah - who knew they were migraines until I had actual visual disturbances?) and leave a message for them to call with the answering service. I am sick. I feel that I probably need some antibiotics or at least for someone to listen to my chest. I now sit here waiting for someone to call. Anyone. I mean, it's not like I go to the doctor all the time. I see my ob/gyn yearly, but that's preventative stuff mostly.

Hubby thinks I should call my GP's office again. Maybe they'll be open now. Maybe someone will treat me, but frankly I'm tired of working so hard just so someone can listen to my chest. I'd rather just keep sucking it up and self treating. Perhaps I can find something that will help that doesn't involve seeing someone who really could care less about me anyway and you know honestly, if it gets too bad, I will just head to the ER because apparently that is the only level of care I deserve (and I'm guessing many others as well).

And yeah, I'm probably feeling sorry for myself right now, but it's my blog and I can cry if I want to.