Sick as dogs - guess it wasn't something he ate

Had a lovely Easter. The food was divine. Lovely spiral ham, rotisserie style roasted chickens, a kick arse potato gratin recipe courtesy of Tyler Florence, roasted fresh asparagus, mixed greens salad, jello salad and for dessert, lovely strawberry lemon trifle and banana pudding w/Nilla wafers with a nice hot pot of tea. We also had an egg hunt for all 6 kiddos with over 100 eggs hidden by the hubby and myself.

Of course, that was until about 4pm or so when Dv. and T started complaining about belly aches. Considering that T was up at 3am (into his Easter basket and watching TV) and that the younger three were up just a bit after 6am, I figured it was a combination of being up early and eating too much candy. Needless to say, by 7pm we had a couple of pukers. By 10-11pm we had 3 pukers (Bec) and by 1am we had 4 pukers (Em). At one point Bec was in the bathroom washing up and T busted in because he needed to puke. Not much sleeping went on last night. Thankfully, Em just tossed her cookies once, Dv. was asleep by 1-2am w/no more puking and T was done by 2 or 3am. Poor Bec. She got the worst of it by getting sick every single hour until about 5 or 6 this morning. When she came downstairs this morning her whole face was a mess of broken capillaries (petikieye). Not a very nice way to start your spring break, I'm afraid. I guess Dn. did indeed have a stomach bug and it wasn't something he ate. One can only hope that the hubster, J and I escape its evil grip.

Today has been a terribly lazy, blah day although it was brightened by a phone call from my favorite Auburnite. To top things off, I didn't use the treadmill or exercise yesterday and what I found is that it was harder to get back on it today. Although, I am learning that it's ok not to push myself to the limits every day. That it's ok to go easier as long as I am exercising. So, I ended up with 40 mins. on the treadmill with the last 10 minutes or so at a slower pace on the lowest incline while I did arm exercises with some hand weights. I actually have been doing the arm exercises every day during my "cool down". The only thing I didn't do today that I usually do is some pilates. Maybe later, maybe not. The best part of exercise has not been the fabulous weight loss (hahaha - I wish), but the fact that I'm starting to like myself again - starting to feel like that even if I am still as heavy as I was when I delivered J. and 15lbs heavier than after I delivered Em, my determination to be healthy and strong is probably better now than it ever was. That's something, right?! And I know that when I need a lift or a pep talk, I've got the BEST cheerleaders in the world rooting for me.

Some days, just knowing you have people watching & cheering you on is enough to spur you into action. It's so much harder doing it by yourself because you sometimes can lose sight of how important you really are and basically, that is what exercise comes down to. Yeah, it is a total pain in the arse (literally sometimes!), but it is about putting yourself first and by doing so you can continue to take care of everyone else. I wish more Moms would embrace that thought...the putting yourself first one. So many times I see or hear things that really make me sad. While our children should be one of the most important things in our lives, we have to stop forgetting about ourselves. Most of us would never let our children sit around, eat bad food, etc., but we allow ourselves that. It's a vicious, vicious cycle. One that I'm determined to ditch - not just for my sake, but so that I can finally be a decent role model for my kids.

Reduced to tears

Today did not start off too well. I awoke around 5:20am and I was having trouble breathing. I was whistling when I wasn't trying to. I almost gave in and went down to take a nebulizer treatment since we have pulmicort & albuteral on hand from when Daniel was really sick. I decided that today was the day I was going to find a new doctor that took my insurance.

So I ask hubby to take Bec for her dental appointment and I check the internet to see what doctors take our insurance. First you need to know that we qualify for & use HUSKY which is a state insurance program. We've NEVER had an issue with the pediatrician, my GP or the OB/Gyn on this insurance. We also do not use any other state help. We've never used WIC or food stamps or energy assistance. NOTHING. About 6 months or so ago, I received a notice that I had to change insurance companies (the state was removing our particular company from the list). So I changed to a new company. I looked to make sure our pediatrician was listed. He was. I looked to see if my OB/Gyn was listed. She was. I didn't check to make sure my GP was listed because well, I only go if I am sick or something. He is not. So now you can see my dilemma.

In December, after feeling ill for almost a month, I broke down and went to a local walk in clinic that was listed as accepting our insurance. When I got there, I found that they *can* accept it, but they don't. What?! How can you do that? Oh well, paid my $120 (up front I might add - they don't accept checks. Cash or CC only) just to find out that there was nothing wrong with me. GREAT. So I started taking Benedryl each night and finally I started to feel better. Then I started coughing. It's been going on since sometime shortly after Christmas. I take Benedryl every evening. I've been running the humidifier next to my bed. I've been blowing my nose and dealing with it the best I can. Last Friday I even drank margaritas because tequila is good for a cold (grin...it really is...really). As of this morning, I figured maybe I should see a doctor because I don't think I'm supposed to whistle while I breathe. So I started my quest....

I called an office in the town I grew up in. I ask "Are you accepting new patients?". The woman on the other end asks "What is your insurance?" So I tell her. She asks me what town I live in. I tell her. She says "Sorry, no we're not." The tears start to flow because once they ask what your insurance is, the tone automatically changes. Once they realize you are "some scumbag on state insurance" things change. So I mentally prep myself to make another call. This doctor's office actually shares the space with my pediatrician. I ask the question. The woman at the other end asks if this is "state insurance". I give her the answer. Another big fat no. More tears & anger & frustration. I wonder why no one takes new patients with state insurance. I mean, can't they list that online? So I call the insurance company. But of course you know I can only leave a message for "member services". No one will actually help me find someone who will take my insurance at this time.

So feeling even worse now, I call my GP's who I haven't seen in over 2 years (was pregnant with Em at the time & thought my headaches were sinus related...hah - who knew they were migraines until I had actual visual disturbances?) and leave a message for them to call with the answering service. I am sick. I feel that I probably need some antibiotics or at least for someone to listen to my chest. I now sit here waiting for someone to call. Anyone. I mean, it's not like I go to the doctor all the time. I see my ob/gyn yearly, but that's preventative stuff mostly.

Hubby thinks I should call my GP's office again. Maybe they'll be open now. Maybe someone will treat me, but frankly I'm tired of working so hard just so someone can listen to my chest. I'd rather just keep sucking it up and self treating. Perhaps I can find something that will help that doesn't involve seeing someone who really could care less about me anyway and you know honestly, if it gets too bad, I will just head to the ER because apparently that is the only level of care I deserve (and I'm guessing many others as well).

And yeah, I'm probably feeling sorry for myself right now, but it's my blog and I can cry if I want to.