Coming up with a plan

So...hubby and I are in the midst of getting ready to change some eating habits. He is also beginning to analyze how to get more cardio into his already full, mostly labor intensive day.

What brought this on? Well, he has some spots on his skin that are troublesome and he also has tennis elbow which is extremely troublesome when it comes to the type of work he does. So he finally decided to find a doctor. /gasp/ Crazy thought, huh? He's a real forward thinker.

During his first visit to said doctor (and of course by doctor I mean physician's assistant because you don't really ever see doctors anymore) his blood pressure was pretty high. Even by my standards. Of course, they told him in no uncertain terms that he "needed" to be on BP meds. Right.that.minute. He refused. Now to give him credit, they did not take his BP a second time during that visit. Each time I've gone to any of my doctors (OB/GYN or GP), they always take it a second time after I've been there awhile and it always comes down to within normal or borderline normal limits. I was totally in agreement with him on refusing meds.

Now he went back again today. It was very high. BUT, they took it again. The bottom number stayed a bit too high...the top number went down to a reasonable place. The PA told him she wants him on meds. He refused again, but told her that he would watch his diet and add cardio into his life. I, again, am behind him 100%. He also realizes that if in 3-6 months his BP has not changed with a diet & exercise overhaul, he needs to be on the meds and will do so willingly.

So within this coming week, we are going to discuss how to change his diet. I can't say he eats awfully and at least one meal a day is home cooked and mostly healthy. We rarely eat fast food or even take out because we simply cannot afford it. I think, like me, the change that will work the most will be the cardio. He has a bike so I think he'll be going through it, giving it a tune up and using it. Thankfully all the younger kids will be able to join him (sans Emma) so I think that is awesome. He also mentioned getting a kayak. We live in an area that is full of places to kayak and we've wanted one for so long. I think this may be the last little push he needed to bite the bullet and get one. (He wants us to to have separate kayaks because of some nonsense of me not paddling when we used to canoe...pppppttttthhhhhbbbbbbttttttt is what I say to that!)

I am excited for this change and I am happy that he wants to be healthy. I hope the change is life long, mostly, because I would hate to lose my best friend.

A night alone

I'm independent in many things. I've learned how to be by myself and deal with things over the last 20 years I've been with hubby. He works pretty long hours during the "season" and if it snows during the winter, he's gone until the job is done. You might say that I've done the lion's share of the stuff here at home while hubby is out busting his hump to make sure we can live. It certainly isn't the way we have wanted it, but it comes down to survival & living, really.

So in all my time alone, the one thing I really haven't had to do was sleep alone. I mean, hubby works long hours, but except for a couple of huge snow storms along the way, he is home. I've also done a few girls' weekends away and I used to visit my Dad in FL twice a year, but for the most part, I'm here. I like it this way. I feel safe this way.

So hubby is away for tonight. He could have chosen to leave last night and I would have been alone two nights. Could I have handled it? Well, of course. Do I want to handle it? Not at all. I guess that probably makes me pretty dependent, huh? I will guarantee you that I will get less sleep tonight than I did last night while I was worrying about him being away tonight.

I thought about this stuff around 4:30am when hubby kissed me goodbye to head off to his brother's house just over 2 hours away(he is doing tree work with him). When hubby and I started dating all those years ago we pretty much became one person in many, many ways. We are each others BEST friend. We are content to be alone with each other most of the time. We're not big on going away to do our own thing and frankly, as much as I love my girlfriends, if it was a choice of hubby and I hanging out in a hotel for a weekend or taking a trip with them, I would choose the hubby. (I hope this does not offend in any way...I'm just trying to be honest.) I actually visualized two small oak trees growing together into one large oak tree this morning and that pretty much describes us (and made me feel all warm & cozy inside).

Sometimes I wonder if we are too co-dependent on each other, but then I think "Who cares?" We certainly aren't hurting anyone and it works for us. I guess I will just keep telling myself that I can get through tonight and be thankful that I have found the guy who feels the same.

Insomnia Bites

It is 3:30am. I should be sleeping. I woke up at 1:46am with a start realizing that my hubby had not called or texted me since about 8:30pm when they had stopped for gas. I'm sure he didn't want to wake me and I appreciate it, but I worry. I would like to think that no news is good news. Yeah, I'm going to go with that because short of calling the hotel, I have no other way of knowing. I texted him and have heard nothing back in two hours.

So I can't sleep. My hubby being gone is rare and it is unsettling to me. Now, don't get me wrong, I like weekends away with my girlfriends or other family members. I enjoy getting away from the daily grind of housework and taking care of little ones (and the not so little ones), but I don't sleep well there either. Sleeping next to my hubby is where I am meant to be.

I cannot tell you how many times I have woken up from a horrible, scary dream and had him to comfort me or how many times his rhythmic breathing helped get me back to sleep because something else had woken me.

I don't like to sleep alone at all which is why David is tucked into my bed nicely right now. He knew as soon as it was decided that Daddy was going away that he'd have his spot. If you must know, this is the same boy who climbs in our bed almost nightly without much thinking. Knowing from experience, they stop eventually. Jeremy and Becca both climbed into bed with us regularly and suffice to say, they don't anymore. I love having my littlest boy next to me most of the time.

So today was a weird day. I worked all morning trying to get clothing (ties, shirts, pants) ironed and ready as well as baking some magic bars for their long ride. I started changing Em's clothes out putting the last of her summer dresses and clothing away or into a bag for donating right before they left. I felt so out of sorts. Depressed, but tired too. It was like I was living in a fog all day. I had planned on taking the kids to BIL & SIL's house for a birthday party, but it was 4pm - I was supposed to be there at 4pm - and I was just heading out to Target (which is 25 minutes in the opposite direction). I spent WAY more than I intended at Target and then came home to a supper of Taquitos. I know...my one guilty processed food pleasure and the kids love them too. I realized halfway through supper that we were out of milk so I took a drive to the convenience store and picked some up along with some vanilla ice cream. I decided Becca and I would have root beer floats after the kids went to bed. So glad I tucked a 12 pack away without anyone noticing beforehand. Jeremy would have totally drank away at my stash if he knew.

Tomorrow will be another long day. There is church (yuck - will this feeling ever disappear?) and all of the kids will have to come along. Usually Chris keeps David & Em because David thinks church is "boring" and has no problem speaking those words loudly so the congregation can hear him and Em, well, she is just a handful and has a hard time sitting still for too long. After church is Family Day up at the Senior Housing Center/park in town. Most everything is free and they have face painting, bounce house/slides, games, etc. all geared for the kids. Thomas will be joining his friend's family for the day after church and I will take Daniel, David & Em with me. Becca has friends she wants to hang with for the day - probably across the street in front of the library, but that's ok. After that, we will head home for a quick supper and then the mad dash to get school stuff done. Lunches, showers, milk money for the week. Maybe tomorrow night I won't wake up and not be able to sleep, but even so, I know once hubby gets home, I'll sleep better.

Off to see if sleep will come...it's almost 4am now. Even the extra 2-3 hours I might get now will make tomorrow easier.... a girl can dream.