I am feeling frustrated with myself. I allowed myself to do something that I shouldn't have. I went down a path that wasn't for my feet and now that I've backtracked, I am hurting. The funny thing is, I don't think I ever realized that I'd end up being hurt. I knew I could hurt others, but I never thought about myself. Funny.
I think this is a vicious cycle. Not worrying about yourself until danger or disaster strikes. I think it is a learned trait. After talking with my mom last night, the similarities are dizzying. I have many of the same qualities as she does in regards to living life. Perhaps I need to seriously rethink some and change how I look at the others. I'm not sure, but what an eye opener.
I guess this is where I get angry. Angry at myself for allowing someone who I thought was my friend to treat me in a way that a real friend wouldn't get treated. Friends watch out for each other and don't do things to hurt them or lead them down paths that are long and windy and lead to a blind cliff for the friend to fall off. And when a friend apologizes for bad behavior, you don't just give them the silent treatment. A response is just common courtesy in my book - which means you don't have to absolve anyone, but you just need to accept what's offered and move on.
Perhaps I need to share these feelings with the person...of course, maybe they just aren't worth it after all. /sigh/
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I'm so sorry that someone has hurt you :(
ReplyDeleteI hope you are feeling better... xo
ReplyDeleteJulie, I really think I hurt myself the most because I compromised who I am and what I believe in. I just think if this other person really was my friend that they would have tried to stop the madness.
ReplyDeleteSara, no response...still.
I am sorry that you're going through all of that. That is awful :(. You deserve to have amazing friends Di and if that person doesn't realize that then frankly you right...she isn't worth it.
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