Odd man out

Yep. That's me. I'm so tired of trying to fit in that I've decided to embrace not fitting in. As my sister says, "This is me. This is who I am." You can take me or leave me, but I am not going to feel badly.

I've decided that I'm going to focus on those people who like me and want to be with me. If you have problems with me and you can't be adult enough to speak to me then you are left with what you should be. Bitterness, anger, resentment - whatever. I've been on that side too. That's not a healthy place. Saying what is on your mind does not need to be rude although it is usually confrontational and uncomfortable. Most people do not like that, but the aftermath...the cleanse...is what makes it worth it.

I cannot make everyone happy. I cannot read minds. I will NOT feel guilty for either of these things because it is not my job. And believe me, as a mom, I feel enough guilt for things that are far more important.

I am not perfect. Far from it. But I have a heart and feelings and when someone makes it abundantly clear that I'm not important in their world, that hurts. I am forever trying to do the right thing and be the best person I can be, but sometimes I might have an off day...or hell an off three months. Here are my shoes, remember?

So yeah, I'm thankful for my friends, my family - those who know I am not perfect yet love me anyway and still see something in me that makes it worth having a relationship with me. Those are the people I am focusing on from now on because I have to believe that there is *something* good and worthwhile inside of me.