Why I love the sunshine & laundry

The sun is shining - the sun is shining! LIFE IS GOOD!

I have thought of all sorts of things I want to blog about lately. I drive to Evil Mart or wherever and think of all sorts of interesting topics. Topics that require thought and common sense. And then I get home and I've got nothing! Zero. Zip. Nada! I guess I can only be smart, hip and funny while I drive. Such a shame that I can't drive & blog, isn't it?

So what can I blog about then? Well, a clean house for one. Ok, ok. A clean lower level of the house with the exception of number 1's room. Gah - don't go in there unless you never want to be seen again. Can he invite his girl over again? Seriously. That room was SPOTLESS when the girl would come over!

I never quite made it up stairs to the bedrooms to clean. Number 2 (poor girl...being called number 2 - eek - never thought of the "potty reference") did clean her room because she had a boy friend come over and the boys "tidied" their room (which really means hide all the crap under the bed & in the closet and anywhere Mom can't see from poking her head in the room.) My bedroom is also a disaster. Partly because all number 6's toys and clothes still reside in the back half of the room and partly because this room continues to be the catch all for things that have no other place. Having the master bedroom might have some perks (like being really large), but I'm tired of crap being stored here!

BUT, let's get back to the living room, dining room, kitchen & bathrooms. Yes, they are all clean. Fabulously clean. Of course, I scrubbed the floors and cabinetry, dusted, swept, vacuumed and mopped all for company to come over. I mean to say that these things all get done, but maybe not with the same ooomph as they do when people are coming to visit. It was gloriously clean, well, except for *those* things up on the top of the kitchen cabinets and china cabinet. Oh and don't mind the dusty, decorative vine-age on top of the window treatments in the dining room. If you're short like me, you don't even know that things are dusty & full of cobwebs.... (off to put those on my cleaning "To Do" list)

I also am caught up with the laundry. Oh yes, the weather has been so kind to me and my laundry obsession, er, I mean chore. There is nothing better than standing in the warm spring sun and hanging clean laundry. The smell is soothing and so is the silence because no one wants to do laundry. No one wants this chore. And why should I tell them about all the peace & quiet you have while doing it? I hope they don't catch on to the fact that it isn't work to me because so far, I've got them all fooled. Perhaps I ought to stop skipping with the laundry basket though and I think hubby is getting suspicious when I am up at 6am JUST to hang laundry before I have to go somewhere!

And speaking of glorious laundry - when I get home from doing volunteering and "real" chores this afternoon (like getting bread, milk & fruit), I will be hanging my window treatments & shower curtains out. The house will instantly smell amazing after they come back in. Springtime smell is so wonderful and brings HOPE back into the dreary winter filled house! I might even have time to dust & de-cobweb those lovely decorative items that are too high for me to see!

The sun is a glorious thing. I'm so glad it is back for awhile.

More random poetry

Turmoil in your brain
making you feel
things that
aren't supposed to be
there
Taboo
Wondering why
life has to be
complicated
when all you
yearn for
is
simple
Praying for peace
because
it is the
only
answer
Will you ever
feel
normal
The times that were
great
seem so far away
You wish you
were more
grateful
for them
then
but we all know
that things
seem sweeter
when you
are
bitter
Chin up
Saying that to
friends is
easy
Saying it to
yourself
is much harder
Life
goes
on
and
on
whether
you can deal
or not
Cue the crickets
and the
awkwardness
It's all good
We all
suffer
the same
fate one
day.

Meet up
see friends
make memories
take silly pictures
find sisters
from near and far
Never worry again
about fitting in
they love you
for who you are
and what you want
to become.

While my heart aches that I am missing a meet up this weekend, I hope everyone there has a wonderful time. :) Also realizing how blessed I am to have made even one meet up - my best girlfriends were made there!

A ramble about the lack of planning in my life

I'm ok with it.

Life that is.

It ebbs & flows and I pretty much ride the wave of where it takes me. Sometimes I wish I was more take charge and charted my course like so many around me. Truth of the matter is is that I'm not a planner and never have been. I have dreams, but I have a hard time making the plan on how to get to that point. I often figure that if it is meant to be, it will be and never think really think about how I might be able to arrange things to my advantage so I can make sure I get there. My dream of becoming a mom to lots of children and a wife to a great hubby has already worked out without much effort on my part. This is not to say that my marriage & mother duties do not require work...they require more than I have in me some days. Just that I didn't have to fight to find my hubby (I met him in high school in our small town) and well, childbearing came easy except for a few bumps in the road.

I often wonder if maybe I am too laid back. I mean, I am certainly anal about laundry and how the house should be cleaned, but I've also stepped back from that kind of "control" because really, if someone wants to clean my house or load my dishwasher, why should I care how they do it as long as it gets done, right? (As long as you don't touch my damn laundry! Ok, so some of my anal-ness is alive and well./grin/) I find that the older I get, the less battles I see fit fighting. I also see the same in my parenting which of course happened with my own parents. Once you get to that last one and you've already raised a few to adulthood, you kinda let things slide. I hope I don't let too many things slide with that little spitfire because there are some hard battles that really need to be fought and won by the parents...I hope I have the wisdom (and recollection) of which they are.

At this point, I am happy in my direction even if there are still some rough waters ahead. Things are going well enough. I see a light at the end of the dark tunnel that was winter and I'm sure the taste of warm spring days has certainly lightened my load up a bit. I guess I just wonder if God wants me to behave differently than I do....

Borrowing a page from my friend, Julie

So my friend, Julie, is turning 40 this year and she wrote this super cool letter of sorts. It was made up of the things that she wished she could have told herself beforehand in her 30's. I thought it was a neat idea and because I also am turning 40 in just two short months, I figured I'd borrow her idea. So without further adieu, here is my version.



Dear me of 1998/1999,

You will finally get that baby you've been praying for. Oddly enough after you miscarried for the 2nd time and had finally found peace with both miscarriages up at Gordon College during a Christian youth weekend trip, you were already pregnant. You didn't have to hold your breath on this one. This will be the shortest labor you will have AND you will do it drug free proving to yourself that you are more than capable. Oh and please don't forget about Bec. She may seem like a big girl once you bring the baby home, but she isn't. It will take you YEARS to fix this and more importantly, forgive yourself.

Dear me of 2000,

I know you are angry with your Dad and the fact that he is losing his mind. Forgive him and enjoy every minute with him. Once he moves to FL, you will only see him maybe 2 times per year. And he will never be better. It will only get worse.

Oh yes a surprise baby too. It's so hard to have them close in age plus have two in school, but you'll get through it. That job that you take at the mall will give you your confidence back as well. You will finally start to feel comfortable in your own skin and losing that weight will help. Oh and don't start smoking again...when you quit, it will be harder than any of the other times.

Dear me of 2001,

On that clear blue September day, everything will change. Everything. You will watch way too much TV for days and days and see the terror and it will change you. It will make you question why about so many things, but keep on keeping on. Hugs your kids tight and be grateful...every single day.

Dear me of 2002,

This is a good year. A happy marriage. Lots of friends. Enjoy every single minute. Really.

Dear me of 2003,

A positive pregnancy test. You don't know how that happened? The more precise question will be "WHEN?". This pregnancy and delivery will NOT be easy for you. I'm glad you are enjoying going out as a family with four children because things will change this time around. Put your big girl panties on because you're going to need them.

Enjoy your trip to Cali. Your nephew, although very sick, will eventually get his double lung transplant and he will be honored that you are naming the baby after him.


Dear me of 2004,

This new baby that was born on the last day of 2003 will not sleep. He will nurse constantly. He will scream like no other. He will smile, but for the most part, he will be miserable and so will you until you accept him for who he is. The quicker you do that, the easier it will be and you won't resent him anymore. I promise that huge changes will occur eventually and you will love him like no other. Oh and good job for not forgetting that the 4 year old at home needs you too. You're learning.

Dear me of 2005,

Your house is growing too small. The market is fat. You will sell the house. It will go at full asking price. You will find the perfect house and all your outstanding debt will be paid. You will also have a large chunk leftover. Don't spend all it. Put it away. A few years from now when the economy crashes, you'll be wishing you did.

You will say goodbye to your favorite Aunt this year from cancer. You will not get a chance to say goodbye like you want to. She will die before you get to her house that day. Remember to live your life in the same manner she did. Forgiveness will set you free.


Dear me of 2006,

Another baby - this time planned. You will get through the constant migraine that you go to bed with and wake up with for months on end. The blindness in one eye will go away as soon as your hormones stabilize. Forgive your husband for not understanding that when you said you needed help, you really did. He didn't realize how bad things were. You are strong and will get through all the bumps that come with the pregnancy, delivery & afterward. Just keep your chin up.

Dear me of 2007,

Losing your Dad will be the hardest thing you have ever had to go through. You will be ok until his body leaves the church for the cemetery and the bagpipes start playing. Let it out. It's ok. You will also learn that your elderly neighbor in your old neighborhood has died and you've missed the funeral (for which was for invited people only). Loss is awful. You'll get through it. You'll do it one day at a time.

Dear me of 2008,

You will make friends with a gang of girls. In fact, two gangs of girls. This time it will be different. This time you can trust in their friendship. They will be the best cheerleaders that you've ever had and they will tell you like it is when you need to hear it. This is the year that you will start seeing your worth...it is a long journey, but at least you will be on the right path.



Dear me of 2009,

You have girlfriends, a strong marriage & an awesome family...good thing. Financial troubles are about to rear their ugly head again and the support they give will get you through this year. One friend in particular will become someone that you confide in most. You will also lose someone you thought was a friend. It's ok. While you feel duped, cutting them out of your life won't be as painful as you thought because that person didn't care anyway.

Call your mother. No. Really. She has Alzheimers. You will beat yourself up if you don't.

Oh and one more thing...parenting Jerm won't get any easier once he turns 18. In fact, it will get harder. Although you think you've cut those apron strings, you tied yourself to him with something else. Letting go is hard, but necessary. He's a good kid.



Dear me of 2010,

Be ready for anything. The kids will always keep you guessing. You will always have to work on your marriage although there will be lulls so you can catch your breath. Again...call your mother. What are you waiting for?!

Mostly, keep the positive attitude about being 40. After all, it's just a number.

A night alone

I'm independent in many things. I've learned how to be by myself and deal with things over the last 20 years I've been with hubby. He works pretty long hours during the "season" and if it snows during the winter, he's gone until the job is done. You might say that I've done the lion's share of the stuff here at home while hubby is out busting his hump to make sure we can live. It certainly isn't the way we have wanted it, but it comes down to survival & living, really.

So in all my time alone, the one thing I really haven't had to do was sleep alone. I mean, hubby works long hours, but except for a couple of huge snow storms along the way, he is home. I've also done a few girls' weekends away and I used to visit my Dad in FL twice a year, but for the most part, I'm here. I like it this way. I feel safe this way.

So hubby is away for tonight. He could have chosen to leave last night and I would have been alone two nights. Could I have handled it? Well, of course. Do I want to handle it? Not at all. I guess that probably makes me pretty dependent, huh? I will guarantee you that I will get less sleep tonight than I did last night while I was worrying about him being away tonight.

I thought about this stuff around 4:30am when hubby kissed me goodbye to head off to his brother's house just over 2 hours away(he is doing tree work with him). When hubby and I started dating all those years ago we pretty much became one person in many, many ways. We are each others BEST friend. We are content to be alone with each other most of the time. We're not big on going away to do our own thing and frankly, as much as I love my girlfriends, if it was a choice of hubby and I hanging out in a hotel for a weekend or taking a trip with them, I would choose the hubby. (I hope this does not offend in any way...I'm just trying to be honest.) I actually visualized two small oak trees growing together into one large oak tree this morning and that pretty much describes us (and made me feel all warm & cozy inside).

Sometimes I wonder if we are too co-dependent on each other, but then I think "Who cares?" We certainly aren't hurting anyone and it works for us. I guess I will just keep telling myself that I can get through tonight and be thankful that I have found the guy who feels the same.

The simple happiness of a clothes line

Spring has popped its head up the last couple of days. To say that I've enjoyed it would be a total understatement. This winter has not felt as dark, gray & long as last winter, but it has come with its own kind of rottenness. Ongoing money issues with very little snow has made a financially difficult time of year even more so. We are surviving though and we have much to be thankful for.

I am longing to get outside. I am looking forward to planning out and planting my herb garden in the front of the house and of course, the vegetable garden has been a pet of mine the last few years. This will be the 2nd year we will make it bigger and hubby has promised to soil test it and amend it accordingly so that our crop will be as good as it can be under my less than expert hands.

Since it isn't quite time to garden yet, we did the next best thing this weekend. We bought some lumber & rope and built a clothes line. I am thrilled. Oh yes, I mean that sincerely. It boggles my mind on how happy this has made me.

I have NEVER had a line. I had never WANTED a line. I hated 'crunchy' clothes. I didn't want my undies out for all to see. Frankly, growing up with my Dad, we used a dryer. I mean, sometimes my clothes got hung out when I stayed at my aunt's or when I spent a week with my grandmother or something, but the only thing I ever thought should be hung out were bed sheets & bathing suits still wet after going in the pool. There really wasn't anything better than sheets hung on a line and well, bathing suits hung out just made sense.

So last year our neighbors gave us a brand new front loader. We have the biggest capacity front loader made, but our appliance guy told us that having another one would actually be a good idea since we have a large family. It would cut down on wear and tear. Great! Hubby finally hooked it up so I could use both washers, but the problem is that I only have one dryer. So I brought my cheap rolling wardrobe up from the basement and started hanging clothes on that in the kitchen/dining room in front of the woodstove. I mean it works, but looks kind of funny when you have company. Eventually, I moved it into a corner of our living room. On top of looking funny, it also was not large enough to hold a ginormous amount of clothing so I ended up hanging things in the upstairs bathroom as well.

After last week's stomach bug, I think every article of clothing & bedding was being washed so I had no choice, but to hang things from every single open spot I could in the house EXCEPT the bathroom since that was still being used heavily. While it certainly helped control the dryness we usually are dealing with while running the woodstove, it looked like I was running a Chinese laundry.

So today, I hung out clothes for the first time as a married mom of six. They were dry quickly in the warm, but windy weather. I brought them in to fold and I was immediately in love with the outdoor smell. The only question I have is why didn't I think of this sooner?!