Happy Monday night in November

Ok. So I usually try not to stand on a soapbox and tell the world what they should be doing, but I cannot bite my tongue on this.

I've started to look at labels again. Generally I do look at labels, but once I deem something is suitable to purchase, I don't look at them anymore. This is where my mistake came to light. We buy apple juice. 100% no sugar added. From concentrate mostly because hey, let's face it-we have 5 out of 6 children who like apple juice and generally it's cheaper. We don't drink more than a small cup full each day, but you can see with just 5 it's bound to be a high demand item.

So I start noticing the "country of origin" which is now required to be printed on all juices (and on many of our food items). I'm not really picky, however truth be told, I'd prefer to purchase things produced in my own country or the neighboring country to the north of us. I about DIED when I saw China. Really? We need to get our apple concentrate from CHINA? WHY? Well, I figure there are two reasons and neither are making me feel any better. One reason - because it is cheaper. Cheaper does not equal better when it comes to many things. Apple concentrate is one of them. Second reason - we don't have enough concentrate in our own country to meet the demand. Still not diggin' it. So just cut production. If we don't have it, we don't have it. China? Really?

This is the same country who repeatedly sends toys to us with lead in their paint. Plastic crap toys that break because they are so cheap. Really? We want to get our FOOD products from there? Color me xenophobic I guess - I don't want their crap here. I don't want their food or their toys or any of their cheap crap in my house anymore. I've decided that even if I have to pay $15 for something that is made here (ie, a locally made coffee cup from a potter instead of a $5 coffee mug made in China) then I will just have fewer items. LESS is more in this case. My family isn't worth hurting over a few pennies, or a few dollars, or a few hundred dollars or even a few thousand dollars.

On a totally unrelated note, I've been noticing the traffic feed on my blog. Interesting to see where people come from to read my dribble and the fact that I have hits from other countries (other than the ones to the north and east of me). More interesting is the fact that at least one person who hits every week or so is someone I don't speak to anymore. I don't get the fascination on what is happening in my life...It boggles my brain really. I haven't changed any. I'm still me and I'm still not a fan of using people, but I'm not about to take this private again just for that one person. I guess this little blurb is just to let that person know that they are not going unnoticed...I know you're here, but I wonder why.

Other than those two things, I have nothing else...hard to believe, isn't it?

Where did that come from?

Just a minute ago I received a totally unexpected comment on FB. It was from a guy I knew in high school. He graduated a year ahead of me. We had one English class together and he was what you would call an "outsider". He had plenty of friends, but I wouldn't have called him "mainstream". I enjoyed getting to know him during our class time, but we never hung out or anything. With the magic of FB, I was happy to find & friend him. My favorite memories of him were during Halloween when he would dress up as Gumby (he was like 6 feet tall and didn't have a small frame) and during our English class when we produced a short film (a horror flick where our teacher killed us all with Barry Manilow music...hahaha). Just random memories that make me smile.

Anyway, he told me that I was smart, observant and thoughtful. I was embarrassed at first because I don't like compliments (ok, so I am still a bit embarrassed). I am ever mindful of never wanting to sound like I am "all that" because I see so many things I would love to change about myself. I then started to think about it...while I certainly feel uncomfortable with the compliments, I am also happy that people think that about me. I am happy that is what I am showing through my interactions on FB and frankly, in life. I had a cousin tell me just a few months ago that I reminded her of her Mom. That particular comment brought me to tears and still does just thinking of it. My aunt was the most loving, empathetic and compassionate person I knew. To be even compared to her was mind blowing, but it also made me want to be better. To forgive even easier. To show others love more. To heal others' hurts.

I don't think my uncomfortableness of receiving compliments will ever stop, but I hope they continue to make me strive to be a better person.

How it went

So what exactly did 20 years of marriage bring to us yesterday? Hah. Here's the rundown!

It brought 3 children 10 and under with fevers. 4 children 10 and under with coughs that just wouldn't quit and yet another day home from school. Let me also mention that it also brought a hubby home early to change out of soaking wet clothes & a scratchy throat to boot. I'm almost positive that we're all going to be oinking at some point! Well, maybe not me because you know Moms aren't allowed to be sick.

On the phone with my bestie, it brought a clogged toilet which wouldn't have been so bad except that the little one decided to poop on top of it all. Gagging is always a treat, but even more so on your 20th wedding anniversary. Washing the plunger out is also a great treat. YAY!

It brought rain & damp, cold weather, a trip to J's high school around noon with the whole sick crew and a trip to R's high school at 4:45pm followed by a trip to the dance studio by myself. Of course, it brought a fire in the woodstove too...one that by dinner time had forced us to open up the windows in the dining room because we all were melting from the heat.

It brought a *delicious* dinner of angel hair, jarred sauce and a cake from a box. Very gourmet indeed. The kids did try to sing Happy Anniversary to us though which was pretty cool since no one really felt well. They told us we should have had 20 candles in the cake to blow out. When did anniversaries become like birthdays?

Basically the day was like any other with a little bit of extra crap (no pun intended) thrown in, BUT we gave each other some nice cards w/pretty words, had quite a few laughs in spite of the all the crap and promised that we'll celebrate it right some other day when things are less hectic.

It also brought so many thoughtful anniversary greetings - on FB, by text, email, phone & by snail mail. We are so blessed with wonderful family & friends and we know we are loved.

Mostly, yesterday cemented the fact that hubby is really the only person that I would want to have beside me when we're dealing with life. I still would choose him 23 years later.

10/28/86

The day Chris asked me to "go out" with him exclusively. 10/28/89 - The day we were joined in marriage.

23 years later and I am even more in love with him. Sure, there are days that I would like to throttle him and I'm sure the same holds true for him. There are days I rethink my choices I've made in my life thus far, but the constant is that he is my BEST friend. He always has been. I think is likely why we're still together. The butterflies in my tummy ebb and flow, but knowing I have another half is what keeps me going.

So happy anniversary to my best friend and hubby. Hope the next 20 bring as many blessings as the first 20. I love you the mostest, the bestest and all the muches...always & forever.

The time has come

The time has come where I can no longer take the lung burning during/after a good run. After finishing my 5K on Saturday in just over 38 minutes I realized that if I had been able to run the whole thing without stopping and gasping for air I might have shaved enough off my time to actually meet the goal I set for myself in finishing a race in 30-35 minutes. Not only did the burn happen during the run, I felt the after effects the whole day. It was not pleasant at all and after 7 months of regular cardio exercise, I think I should be farther along than I am.

So I need to make an appointment with my GP's office. I am almost certain that I have asthma. I'm almost certain that burning lungs at less than a 5mph speed 7 months into running isn't right. I also am pretty sure this is why I hated running when I was younger. I remember this feeling and I didn't understand when I was a young girl, but I do now. It wasn't so much being out of shape (I loved to swim, ride my bike, play kickball & volleyball) as much as it was the "burning lungs syndrome" of asthma. I also remember doing really well in sprints - it was the longer distance stuff that was the bane of my existence. I get it now.

I feel good in the fact that my blood pressure is where it needs to be so I know I won't be getting "the look" from my PA as I did last March when I went in so sick with bronchitis and a hell of a sinus infection. I view that appointment as a "turning point" in my life. I decided on that day that I needed to take control of what was happening to my body and take care of myself. Not only for me, but for the many people who count on me on a daily basis. The change has been slow. I have not lost a ton of weight although I remind myself that that wasn't my number one goal. I have lost about 5 pounds total since the start of this journey. I also still have to push myself some days. I find that if I have a goal (like running a 5k), I am much more likely to work harder. I am thinking that my next goal will be to strengthen my core muscles & arms. I will keep running a few times a week for the cardio benefits, but I want to get serious about toning & building muscle now. I know I am stronger & healthier than I was 7 months ago, but I aim to be even better than I was in my 20's. I want my 40's to be the best time yet because I have a feeling that so many good things are coming my way.

I am proud of myself for pushing through even with the pain & wheezing. I have proven to myself just how strong and how much gumption I really have. Now I just have to ride the wave to where I want to be. It probably won't be easy, but that hasn't scared me yet. I also know I have the BEST cheerleaders in the whole world should I need a pick me up or a reminder of what I am capable of. Life is good...even with asthma.

Well look at that...two days in a row of blogging! Murphy's Law, I suppose. Say something won't happen and look, it does!

Today I spent two hours of my life in a Pre-K classroom. I've spent hours in this classroom over the last couple of years with D's pre-k's classes, but this was my first day in E's class. I've always enjoyed it. Usually I do simple work (cutting stuff out, copying, helping at center time, etc.)...sometimes you could maybe even call it boring. WOW. I was NOT prepared for today!

Pre-K classrooms that are held in our public schools are integrated classes - meaning that there are "role model" kids and "special ed" kids. D is a "special ed/special needs" kid because he receives speech & language services as well as some OT. Other than the few issues he still has with speech and the fact that he is a teeny bit off on his mid-line abilities, he is like any other normal kid. Obviously, not all special ed/special need kids are this way.

It became apparent when I walked into the music room that today was not like the other times. There was one little boy who the main pre-k teacher, Mrs L, was keeping very close tabs on. He was earning pieces of a train with good behavior and following directions. Another little boy was sitting outside the classroom because something frightened him in the music room (the music teacher was wearing a belted mic system which may have been the cause). The rest of the kids were following the music teacher for the most part with the younger ones having a bit harder time. (My girl? Yeah, she was the one who didn't stand with the others, but stood front and center with the teacher. gah!)

On the way back to class I was in charge of the line and we stopped at the fountain for a sip of water. We walked quietly for the most part up the ramp past the library and into the classroom. Mrs. L was still very much involved with the same boy so the paraprofessional, Mrs. D, was telling the children what centers were open and letting them choose one by one which they wanted to go to.

At this time I was in charge of a cutting project. I find that most 3 yo's still have issues with cutting (thumbs up and scissors WIDE, when we cut) and even some 4 yo's too (heck, some Kindergartners still need help). It was good to have no more than 2 children there at a time and for some kids even just having one was good. This is where I got to meet R. He was the little boy sitting outside at music. He is obviously special needs, but I couldn't venture to guess what services he receives. He has trouble following directions sometimes and likes to be moving, but he also is a little boy who cut out his own paper even though Mrs. D told me that he couldn't. I helped him put his scissors on correctly, held the paper for him and HE cut it. He did beautifully and from then on, I was in love. I think the feeling was mutual because he talked to me quite a bit during snack time.

In the middle of center time, the class was called down for pictures. Anyone who has pre-k kids knows that disruption of the schedule sometimes can be a bit daunting. It is hard to just have to stop and start something else. The kids did great and only a few were behind pottying and washing hands before pictures. We went to library and some of the more active kids went first and then I took them back to the classroom to clean up and get ready for snack. By the time the classroom was cleaned up, tables wiped and readied for snack, the whole class was back and everyone lined up to wash. During this time, the main teacher was still close to the same little boy and I realized then that this class is FAR more of handful than the others I've been in the last two years. I did mention this to Mrs. D and she said that the afternoon class has its challenges as well because there are no "returning" pre-k'ers in that class. I found a new respect for Mrs. L and Mrs. D. Not once did I see them lose their cool or get angry. I saw frustration more than once, but it was definitely kept in check. I admire that greatly since I have a hot head and know how hard it is to keep a quiet voice when you really want to scream.

I also found that some of the hardest kids to deal with are also the ones I personally find the most joy in. The one little boy that Mrs. L was keeping tabs on thought about others and was kind. R might have a hard time following directions and keeping his body still, but he is lovable and sweet. Another little boy who has boundless energy has the happiest face I have EVER seen. He smiles ALL the time. While I'm sure the challenges of teaching these particular boys sometimes is overwhelming I can't help, but feel how lucky I am to be a part of it even though it is only a couple of days a month.

I guess what it comes down to is that children are all different. Sometimes the children who are MOST different and may present the biggest challenge to us are the ones that also have the power to give you complete joy in just knowing them and watching them grow. I was definitely blessed this morning and I look forward to going back next Thursday to do it again.

Come out, come out wherever you are!

I've tried in vain to come up with fun and/or witty things to write about the past couple of weeks. You see, I started this blog to be able to decompress thoughts and feelings in my head and as I read back through the last dozen or so posts, I am disgusted that all I seem to be able to write about is girlfriend drama or kids or whatever. Nothing meaty or helpful or even a bit enjoyable.

I know I can be witty...hell, sometimes even downright funny. I know I'm intelligent and I care about the world around me and the events taking place in it. However, I also realize that I don't have the time anymore to get all my ducks in row on some subjects (politics anyone?). I am trying to better myself in so many ways on top of trying to keep the house in running order and family up to speed. I find myself with a lot less time to think - never mind write.

I wish I could come up with something eloquent about how autumn in New England makes me feel. Or tell a tale or two about how I spend my 1/2 days of freedom now that number 6 is in Pre-K. Truth be told, I don't think anyone really cares about my run of the mill run on the treadmill or how I lost my breath two miles into my run and had to walk for a bit down the street. I don't think anyone wants to hear how I drink my coffee, run, do laundry and try to clean each and every day or why my library books sat here because I just couldn't find the time to bring them back when they were due.

And just so I am sure I am not setting the wrong tone, I am not upset about this. I think what I am finding out is that my RL isn't so very overwhelming (and at the same time underwhelming) anymore. I don't need an outlet as much as I used to. I am finding that even some of my IF's are becoming a part of my RL and that is awesome.

I used the computer to find friends during a time in my life that I couldn't/wouldn't find them around me and now those same friends have changed how I look at myself and my world. I've learned so much about keeping my mouth shut when I'm not certain about the stuff coming out of it (well, this always could use work...lol), about empathy and being the kind of person that people want to be like and really just living...being a part of the human race.

My journey to a better me is not even close to being done (as far as I know), but I'm enjoying it more. Perhaps knowing that my 40th birthday is looming large on the horizon also has something to do with making sure I'm living my life in a way that I'll look back and be pleased with who I've surrounded myself with and what I've accomplished. Perhaps it is even because my eldest will be 18. He is beginning adulthood and I am firmly planted here already. It often makes me reflect on what is past, but more importantly, what I want to see & feel in the future.

So I apologize for the lack of witty, entertaining posts over the last 6 or so months. I hope to rectify it at some point, but if I don't, at least you all know that I'm off living the life that I hope will be with very few regrets.